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Any Co-Sleepers Out There?
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Anonymous
I love that I can read all of this with a sense of humor. The one cosleeper PP who told a non-cosleeper to watch her "tone," makes me LMAO. It's funny because all the co-sleepers (like the one above me that I quoted) are so worried about being "gentle" and respectful. Then you get a nasty comment out of them about how sleep-training doctors are "full of crap" and "idiots." That's being respectful to the people following their advice? To the one who told the other to watch her tone... she's not your child. That's condescending. And we don't need "tone" police on here, especially if it only applies to the people that aren't on your side of the argument/discussion. Personally I enjoy the snarkiness and snide comments now and then. Have a sense of humor, folks! Otherwise, reading DC Urban Moms would be like reading the back of cereal box. A little color makes fun. And ignorant comments like the one I quoted are my absolute favorite. They make me LMAO! Keep it coming folks! |
Anonymous
| What makes the comment you quoted ignorant? |
Anonymous
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ig·no·rant /??gn?r?nt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ig-ner-uhnt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective 1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man. 2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact: ignorant of quantum physics. 3. uninformed; unaware. 4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement. Pulling one line out of context from a several hundred page book and basing her total evaluation of the author on that one line is ignorant. Calling the person who wrote it an idiot is also ignorant unless she herself has better knowledge. She admits that she has not sleep-trained her own child and doesn't even know what will happen when she moves her child to his own bed. She wants it to go off without any struggle, but can only "hope" because she has no experience or training. Ignorance, by definition. |
Anonymous
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You guys have piqued my interest. I wanted to see what made Dr. Weissbluth good or an "idiot." Haven't read the book. So I pulled up this site:
http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bsleep/0,,7fp25djz,00.html Here's the article. It sounds pretty okay to me, but I'd have to read the book to be sure. Certainly don't want to come off as ignorant! Marc Weissbluth, MD Go-to-sleep methods By Laura Stavoe Harm Philosophy Dr. Marc Weissbluth takes a long-term approach to sleep training. He believes healthy sleep affects a child's overall health, including his ability to learn. He says parents can help children avoid long-term sleep problems by paying attention to infant sleep needs. The plan requires parents to watch for baby's natural sleep cycles and then help him get the rest of the way there. Dr. Weissbluth is an advocate for consistent naps and early bedtimes, saying that babies who are kept awake late to accommodate parent schedules end up paying a price in long-term sleep deprivation. Dr. Weissbluth's five components of healthy sleep include duration, consolidation (uninterrupted sleep), naps, timing and regularity. What you have to do Look for that drowsy state where your baby shows less movement and his eyes are not as alert and sparkly, or your older baby smiles less and is less engaged. If you miss it (a window within a one-to-two-hour wakeful time), baby may become overtired, and it will become more difficult to help her sleep. Reduce stimulation, light, noise and activity. Soothe baby to sleep: Swaddle, nurse, rock, sing, massage or otherwise calm your baby. Most babies need only one of these, and too many at once may be overstimulating. However, a colicky baby may require longer effort and more techniques. If your 0-to-4-month-old baby continues crying, don't ignore the cries. Continue soothing him. It's okay to put baby in bed during the drowsy-but-awake state. But if he falls asleep during the soothing, do not wake him before placing him in the crib. (Weissbluth seems particularly irritated by books that suggest otherwise.) Do not rush in at the first sound baby makes. Often baby will fall back to sleep on his own. Other key components: Be consistent with nap times and bedtime routines. Don't interrupt sleep to feed or play with baby, and don't keep him up late to adapt to your schedule. Note: The above methods are intended to prevent sleep problems. Dr. Weissbluth suggests that 27 percent of babies still have difficulty sleeping at four months of age and require treatment in order to become healthy sleepers. If your baby falls into this category, Dr. Weissbluth's book offers a myriad of "no cry," "maybe cry" and "let cry" solutions, depending on your circumstances. What you might like about the technique: Like Dr. Sears's, Dr. Weissbluth's model encourages you to tune into your baby's needs and respond accordingly, which reinforces the parent-baby bond. The theory acknowledges the inherent differences between babies and offers a variety of baby-centered approaches to resolve sleep problems ?- rather than just one way. Drawbacks: The strong emphasis on consistent naps and early bedtime routines might be difficult for some busy families to adhere to. Further reading: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: A Step-by-Step Program for a Good Night's Sleep |
Anonymous
| The bottom line is there is no right or wrong... you just do what's best for your family. I'm not a co-sleeper but I respect those that do it and understand their rational. I also would like to think that I'm not being judged for the choices I have made, which includes sleep-training. Since becoming a mother I've had to work very hard on letting go of what other people think because there is so much judgement out there when it comes to parenting. I've been guilty of being judgemental myself and I'm working on that too. If your kids are happy and healthy and loved and you as parents are getting enough rest to function in your daily lives, that's all that matters. I just don't get the divisive debate. |
Anonymous
Just FYI, I co-slept as a child with the 'rents until I was in kindergarten and I've got to say, 30 years later, I have a marvelous night's sleep and haven't had sleep problems  That said, I slept trained DS at 9 months to go down by himself in his crib but bring him into bed with me and DH (who likes it too) in the middle of the night and it's worked for us for the past year and a half. Sometimes the answers aren't so black and white. I think most gals and guys who are overly judgemental are just reacting to other overly judgemental people. My message to OP is, do whatever you and your DH think is ok for your child. He/She will turn out just fine with a little common sense, love, and agreement. Happy sleeping everyone!
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Anonymous
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I wanted to comment on some of the judgemental tone people have taken on this thread. I think it's too bad when people think their way of doing something is the only way. Babies are all different so I think it's only understandable that parenting techniques are different too. I certainly have adjusted mine based on the needs of my son.
In my opinion (and experience) folks with easy or "textbook" babies get judgemental very quickly b/c they believe it's their parenting style is what worked. Whereas, I definitely believe those babies would adapt to any style. Other babies are just more spirited and so a variety of styles must be tried before we can figure out what works best for our own child - I think those of us with the more spirited babies are much more understanding and empathetic b/c we realize the diversity in what can be a "right" parenting approach. In my view - whatever works for you and your family is fine by me. For those of you who think your way is the "best" and that others are "wrong" - I am truly curious about how and why you believe this? |
Anonymous
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this thread started out as an effort to connect with other co-sleepers...many of us, myself included, found ourselves mid thread needing to defend our decision as the thread turned more into a debate...i certainly dont think i have all the answers in the parenting book, just the ones that are right for my child and family...but i'm also not afraid to post my thoughts, opinions and data that supports my choices, and i think a healthy exchange on what different "experts" say is fascinating, b/c afterall, most of us here to seek an "expert" opinion on parenting issues every now and then...what we all recognize is that there are a million experts with a million different philosophies, and we all get to choose what suits our kids, families, etc...
i say we put this thread to bed, in whichever way we see fit! |
Anonymous
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Yes, I co-slept with my DD until she was around 3.5 yrs old. She still likes sleeping in our bed, but she also sleeps in her bed with no problem. She still sleeps in our bed when she is sick. Also, she gets to sleep in our bed once a week, any night she chooses, and also when DH travels for work, DD is allowed to sleep in our bed. She is now 5 yrs old. I will continue this for as long as she enjoys it. I love snuggling with her and vice versa.
Not trying to be harsh, but I do not think "how this works" is such a mystery. She simply climbs into our bed and sleeps just like we do. None of us has problems sleeping in a king size bed, as we are all used to this arrangement. My DH is aware of her presence and does not fling his limbs all about during the night. I elbow him if he snores, just like I would normally do if DD wasn't there -- DD does not wake up (but I do wake up from his snoring.) We do not have sex in our bed when DD is there. I think the "when and how" of our sex life is the same as it is for non-co sleepers with one exception - location. We sometimes find places other than our bed to be intimate. Then "when" is - when DD is asleep and the "how" - well, I presume just like everyone else! PP, it's really probably not all that different from what you do each night - we just do "it" elsewhere. |
Anonymous
| I posted last -- sorry, I was responding to a PP who asked how co-sleeping works -- but I now realize that post was ages ago.... |
Anonymous
You actually sound pretty judgemental yourself. For some reason you think that a baby that worked well by the book had nothing to do with the parenting and that co-sleepers have more difficult babies (or as you put a positive spin on it, "spirited."). I think many co-cleepers made it clear that they didn't even try the textbook methods because they were looking for their own definition of "gentler" means. It doesn't mean that one has easier children than another. I don't think that anyone has said on here that it's their way or the highway, whether co-sleeper or not. Maybe you were sensitive because some methods didn't work for you? I read numerous books, found one that worked for me and my children (I won't bother naming mine because someone will bash me for it or call the author an "idiot"), but it's still not because my kids were just "easy." The first book I tried didn't work for us, so I found one that did. There is a lot of parenting involved. For instance, my children had regular naps and early bedtimes, so this was a sacrifice for me and my husband. I rarely left the house the first 6 months because the naps were too close together. My husband rarely saw the kids at night when he got home, because the kids were in bed between 6pm and 7:30pm. He often got home as I was lying them down and wouldn't interrupt their routine by running in and getting them excited as they were about to go to sleep. It's a parenting choice and it takes patience and some sacrifices on your part. Some people prefer to keep their kids up so that DH can see them regardless of a schedule. The choice is yours. My kids sleep well so it was worth it to us. But to claim that if you used a book, then your kids were easy and it had nothing to do with your parenting style, I disagree. I can tell you that I had a friend whose son was the same age as my DD. And when she saw how easy I laid DD down for naps (around 8 months old), she asked how I did it because she had been holding her DS all day and didn't know how to get him to lay down in a crib. I had no idea until she told me. She was a wreck and crying because she didn't know what to do. I walked her through how to work with her son based on what had worked for us, but I told her it may not work for her and she may need to try another method. I showed her the book I used. She read it and luckily it worked for her. But had she not asked me, she would not have learned a way to sleep train her baby at all and probably would have fallen into co-sleeping. I think some people never think to look this stuff up or ask advice and they are reinventing the wheel or falling into co-sleeping (some people choose it of course, but even on here, several posts say that they hadn't planned on it, co-sleeping sort of "happened"). I don't much care what everyone else does. Do what you like. Keep your family happy however you can. We all have to figure out parenting on our own in our own way. Good luck and Happy Holidays to all! |
Anonymous
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I tend to trust the consensus of my extended family. I come from a large, down-to-earth brood, with doctors scattered liberally throughout. The general feeling is, "you can't spoil a baby". They are who they are, and you can't really influence that before about 4 to 6 months. My parents, grandmothers, aunts, etc. encouraged to find out what kind of a baby we got, and go along with it. Funny to think that in this day and age, we'd probably qualify as "crunchy".
That means that our baby usually sleeps with us. I never thought I'd take this route, but honestly, I love it. She's so sweet and snuggly, and it's so easy to feed her. She doesn't have to get riled up to get my attention, and I don't have to wake up completely, so it's quite calm and natural for us. Even now that I've gone back to work, I find that I'm getting plenty of sleep this way. That said, if I'd gotten an independent baby who slept happily in her crib right from the start, I wouldn't have complained! |
Anonymous
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We started with the basinette next to the bed for easy nursing and after a week or two, he ended up in bed with us. By about four months, we seemed to distract him in bed so we put him in the crib where he seemed pretty happy. Now at 6-1/2 months, he is waking alot (teething) and seems frustrated in the crib. We are going to bring him back to bed instead of playing the up and down all night game...we just decided this tonight. Hubby and I are totally on the same page with our parenting style.
My question to the other co-sleepers is what to do with a 6 or 7 month old when you put him down? Did you put him in your bed with rails everywhere? This was not an issue for us when he was smaller because he stayed up later and so we all went to bed at 10pm or whatever. But now he goes to bed earlier. If no one answers me, I guess I will put him in his bed and then move him to ours when he wakes up. |
Anonymous
| you could either move the crib into your bedroom and place it right by your side of the bed, we used a pack and play and put it on my side of the bed for months until baby was over 1yo, definitely find something with rails to keep the baby in when he is napping or you are not in the room with him...good luck!! |
Anonymous
| Oh, the pack and play! Yes - we have one. Thanks!!! |