Roomie wants to discuss decorating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can cost up to 50K! Some people are crazy.

Lots of girls in shared rooms will decorate. They will use the stuff for a year before they are on to an apartment.

The rooms look great once they are set up. They never look that way again for the rest of the year.

GMAFB. You’re pulling out ridiculous extremes. Maybe millionaires are spending $50k but to bring that into this discussion isn’t really relevant.

you post what you want and i will do the same. OP asked if this is a thing. it is. some people go to outrageous extremes.

buzz off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why is it assuming the other girl is being controlling? She's not demanding OPs daughter buy anything, she sounds excited to decorate her first home away from home.

y'all crazy! In the 80's my roommate and I got the same comforter after talking. We also figured out who was bringing bigger items

Yep. In the summer of '94 I screwed up my courage to call my new (stranger) future roommate so we could discuss colors. We didn't get matching bedding but we made sure it didn't clash either. Twas all for naught - she wound up being a huge slut bringing home guys to screw late at night while I was asleep and ultimately had to kick her out and got a different roommate mid-semester.

+1

+2 I'm laughing because my random roommate and I felt the need to do this when I left for college in the 80s. Coordinated comforters etc.; never saw the roommie again after first semester. Hated the comforter too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

+1 Yes, afraid this may be a control freak too. I showed my DD some nice pillows I found that can be put on the bed like a headboard sort of..but not. You just lean up against it or put it on the wall for a comfortable sitting area on your bed. Roommate said "well, we need to find out where the beds are placed first!" Seemed like she was really taking charge and I have the most mild mannered DD. So, yes, I am afraid of a control freak roommate and pray this won't be the case for DD's first semester.

As I said, don't want to get off on the wrong foot or be seen as a kill joy. Idea to coordinate colors is a good one.

Honestly, I never thought of this way back when. AS long as my roommate was clean and decent and not scr$wing someone in my room everynight, things were great by me.

I am getting the impression that your daughter is accustomed to control freaks in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoosh. My DD roommate has contacted her. Seems nice enough, but I gather she is fairly well off and wants to 'decorate' and 'coordinate' the dorm room.

The most recent question was "what type of headboard should we get for the bed?" Huh? I sent my daughter some samples of pillows she could put on the bed, but said a "headboard" seemed a little too much.

Is this a thing now? I hardly had anything when I went. Couldn't afford such things. It's a state school, so there will surely be kids who don't have funds to do this.

I just don't want my DD to start off on the wrong foot with this young lady. I am not a decorator type nor do I particularly enjoy it. Will just be getting comfortable bedding - sheets and some posters. Also not interested in buying a bunch of junk that will wind up in a land-fill. Trying to think of a nice way for DD to tell the other gal that she has to stay in budget, etc etc etc.

DD is working for the summer out of state and not really able to address these "decorating" questions too.

Crazy

the headboards are fairly inexpensive.
If she hasn't mentioned hiring a decorator and buying specialized custom furniture, the coordination is on the basic room elements comforter, sheets, pillows, etc

[Anonymous]

I have a son starting college in the fall. I told him to ask his roommate what color rug they should buy or if he was bringing a mini fridge and was given the from my son. He also may have said, "I'm not a girl. We aren't coordinating pillows".

From this exchange, I think I realized that yes, it's a thing to coordinate pillows and headboards and that it's not my son's thing to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

+1 Yes, afraid this may be a control freak too. I showed my DD some nice pillows I found that can be put on the bed like a headboard sort of..but not. You just lean up against it or put it on the wall for a comfortable sitting area on your bed. Roommate said "well, we need to find out where the beds are placed first!" Seemed like she was really taking charge and I have the most mild mannered DD. So, yes, I am afraid of a control freak roommate and pray this won't be the case for DD's first semester.

As I said, don't want to get off on the wrong foot or be seen as a kill joy. Idea to coordinate colors is a good one.

Honestly, I never thought of this way back when. AS long as my roommate was clean and decent and not scr$wing someone in my room everynight, things were great by me.

I am getting the impression that your daughter is accustomed to control freaks in her life.

Haha, my thoughts exactly. Lucky girl to final be put on her own,

[Anonymous]

OP, I can't tell from your post if your daughter is actually stressed out by this. Regardless, all sorts of things could be going on. First, college is a Huge, Looming Thing, just around the corner and impossible not to think about, but also impossible to see, because it's still in the future. Maybe the roommate's brain is whirring around, thinking about college nonstop, but finding little concrete on which to land. Decor is concrete, it's specific. It's a way to think about college even amidst all those amorphous unknowns. (If the roommate is prone to anxiety, this could be even more true.)

Similarly, roomie could be trying to forge a connection. Just as college looms large but is still un-seeable, your daughter will be a Huge Person in Her Life very soon, but is still a stranger now. It's a weird feeling, and any sort of connection, even about decorating, might be reassuring.

(Also, most young people haven't yet fully mastered the art of communicating well in email, so maybe what you find off-putting is simply clumsy/awkward kid communication?)

Try to keep an open mind -- you have only a teeny tiny glimpse (an email!) into who the roommate actually is and what the dynamics will be. I understand that the email didn't land right, but it really might not mean what you are assuming it means. No matter what, this situation is a big opportunity for your daughter. It's a chance to identify what she wants and how she feels, to set boundaries if she needs to set them, and to work and live constructively with someone who is different (maybe very different!) from herself. These are important skills, and much of what college is about.

I wish you and your daughter much luck with this new adventure.

[Anonymous]

Despite a prior understanding re: who would bring what, DD's roommate showed up w/everything she wanted for the room. A second room-sized rug. Zebra pattern. What's wrong with blue? Solid blue, the school color. DD brought that. "Oh, but my Mom's a decorator" is what the roommate said. "And I've brought everything to match."

[Anonymous]

This thread delivers!!! 👍🏼

[Anonymous]

My kids were more concerned about their landfill footprint than I was (to their credit) and they both had roommates who brought and then tossed so much cheap shit after 9 months in a dorm. That move out day was a wake up call for me tbh - so much waste.

I think it's 100% fine to say, "I'm not going to bring a headboard but tell me what color you pick out and I'll get bedding to match. I'm not picky about that. Should we go in on a fridge? I think we can rent one. Do we need to get a rug? It's all exciting!" Just something that's clear and move off the topic while maintaining whatever your daughter's position is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rising college sophomore is texting her apartment roommate right now about how to decorate their new place. Yes, it is a thing. I don't know why this is a problem for you, OP. Feeling a loss of control? Let your daughter dream and look forward to things!

Sure. And people have budgets. Many kids in my state school were either on scholarship or took out loans. You are also a dolt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My rising college sophomore is texting her apartment roommate right now about how to decorate their new place. Yes, it is a thing. I don't know why this is a problem for you, OP. Feeling a loss of control? Let your daughter dream and look forward to things!

Sure. And people have budgets. Many kids in my state school were either on scholarship or took out loans. You are also a dolt

Even those people have to have bedding and coordinate a fridge if not provided. I don’t understand why people take things to the extreme. This poor roomate asked a simple question that half the girls do. I don’t understand why a response is such a big deal…I mean OPs kid is out of state and it’s such a hardship to respond? She must not have taken a phone with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

+1 Yes, afraid this may be a control freak too. I showed my DD some nice pillows I found that can be put on the bed like a headboard sort of..but not. You just lean up against it or put it on the wall for a comfortable sitting area on your bed. Roommate said "well, we need to find out where the beds are placed first!" Seemed like she was really taking charge and I have the most mild mannered DD. So, yes, I am afraid of a control freak roommate and pray this won't be the case for DD's first semester.

As I said, don't want to get off on the wrong foot or be seen as a kill joy. Idea to coordinate colors is a good one.

Honestly, I never thought of this way back when. AS long as my roommate was clean and decent and not scr$wing someone in my room everynight, things were great by me.

So interesting. I thought this poster was saying that OP - not the future roommate - has control freak vibes. And I was gonna agree with her.

Girls wanting to coordinate has been a thing FOREVER. The roommate, a 17 or 18 year old girl, is probably just super excited. Cut her a break and give her the benefit of the doubt. Imagine how sad she’d be if she discovered her future roommate’s mother was bashing her on the internet and stalking her on Facebook.

I’d start by staying completely out of this and letting your daughter handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My rising college sophomore is texting her apartment roommate right now about how to decorate their new place. Yes, it is a thing. I don't know why this is a problem for you, OP. Feeling a loss of control? Let your daughter dream and look forward to things!

Sure. And people have budgets. Many kids in my state school were either on scholarship or took out loans. You are also a dolt

Even those people have to have bedding and coordinate a fridge if not provided. I don’t understand why people take things to the extreme. This poor roomate asked a simple question that half the girls do. I don’t understand why a response is such a big deal…I mean OPs kid is out of state and it’s such a hardship to respond? She must not have taken a phone with her.

The only person I sympathize with in this whole scenario is the room mate. Not a good sign when the most basic of questions is blown up in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Giving control freak vibes, privately. To your DD, try to be enrhusiastic and see this as an opportunity for both self expression and get to know roomate better before school starts.

+1 Yes, afraid this may be a control freak too. I showed my DD some nice pillows I found that can be put on the bed like a headboard sort of..but not. You just lean up against it or put it on the wall for a comfortable sitting area on your bed. Roommate said "well, we need to find out where the beds are placed first!" Seemed like she was really taking charge and I have the most mild mannered DD. So, yes, I am afraid of a control freak roommate and pray this won't be the case for DD's first semester.

As I said, don't want to get off on the wrong foot or be seen as a kill joy. Idea to coordinate colors is a good one.

Honestly, I never thought of this way back when. AS long as my roommate was clean and decent and not scr$wing someone in my room everynight, things were great by me.

So interesting. I thought this poster was saying that OP - not the future roommate - has control freak vibes. And I was gonna agree with her.

Girls wanting to coordinate has been a thing FOREVER. The roommate, a 17 or 18 year old girl, is probably just super excited. Cut her a break and give her the benefit of the doubt. Imagine how sad she’d be if she discovered her future roommate’s mother was bashing her on the internet and stalking her on Facebook.

I’d start by staying completely out of this and letting your daughter handle.

+1