Worried for my friend—could this be grooming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my little kids go off with ANYONE I have only know for a few months.

This is the correct answer. It’s just not smart at all. He could be Mr Rodgers or he could be a predator- it’s way too soon to know. Heck, women MARRY men who, years later, they find out were after them just for access to the kids.

This! 100%! People are insane today!
Agree, it could be harmless or it could be predatory. In any case, an elderly man taking such a close interest in a single mom w very young kids that he comes over DAILY is not normal, so it deserves some scrutiny. We have a sweet elderly neighbor and she gives our kids gifts like sidewalk chalk and invites them to help her toss birdseed on her driveway when we happen to be outside at the same time. She doesn’t come over every day or take my kids into her house.

If OP had posted, “I am a single SAHM and my 80 year old male neighbor has been coming over every day to have coffee and donuts with me, and I let my 3/4 year olds go on their own with him to his farm”, I don’t there there would be so many of you saying, “Go for it! Sounds wonderful, nothing to worry about”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well it's very unlikely, but you could always touch on the subject in passing.

That's exactly what OP is trying to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to ask the neighbors if he has any history of irresponsible behavior with children or women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may not be a groomer but the mom’s giving the kids the message it’s okay to be alone with older men, so in another situation they may be at risk. They may be too trusting.

It’s okay for preschool age children to be alone with an older woman, but NOT ok to be alone with an older man.

This risk calculation makes no sense. 40% of child sex abuse is from other adolescents. Are you going to restrict your children from all other children and all men? At some point your attempts to keep them safe are doing greater harm than good.

Teach your kids about appropriate body boundaries. Teach them to stand up for themselves and not just to be people pleasers. They are in the best position to protect themselves from abuse.

That is not true.

15% are 17 or younger. 50% are over 30 yo.

[Anonymous]

Put his name in the judiciary database and see if he has a history.

[Anonymous]

My H is a child abuse investigator and predators definitely look for single women with young children. They also try to separate the moms from the kids... go shopping I'll watch the kids, I'll take the kids to the movie you need a break, etc.

she's not going to listen to you because like the women on this thread most people live in lalaland where nice old men befriend little kids because they are kind.

In the real world people sexually molest infants and young children at a very high rate and they target single women with young children.

I'd say, "I'm worried that the kids are not safe alone with him." Then leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

What is the very high rate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my kids go off on a golf cart w anyone. A) riding in golf carts isn’t safe B) these are very young kids (preschoolers so under age 5 I’m assuming) and even if they’re very well behaved, kids that young can’t he trusted to always do as told/never get into trouble…again, my concern would primarily be about the golf cart riding part (kids fall out, etc) but also when they’re alone w this man what are they getting into?

Grooming/sexual abuse would be a concern too. People of any age can be predators. If he’s well enough to be out and about, driving kids around, watching kids on his own, he is not “one foot in the grave” as another poster said. He’s certainly capable of being a predator.

Really? Honest question for you PP:

- you have anxiety disorder, don’t you?

Yea. I’m an anxious person. But I’m not making this up…yes, golf carts are dangerous, especially for kids. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022437520301237
https://www.golfcartreport.com/are-golf-carts-dangerous/

I certainly wouldn’t let my kids ride in one w someone I barely know, especially someone in their 80s who is more likely than younger adults to have a health event while driving…risk is too great.

The only acceptable risk is zero risk, right?

No. But I’m not willing to risk my kids’ safety for a totally unnecessary golf cart ride w a 80 something year old man I don’t know very well. You must have bad risk assessment if you think that’s a reasonable and safe situation to put young kids in…

NP here - *you* are accusing someone else of having "bad risk assessment?!?!?!?!" If that weren't so sad, it would be hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my little kids go off with ANYONE I have only know for a few months.

This is the correct answer. It’s just not smart at all. He could be Mr Rodgers or he could be a predator- it’s way too soon to know. Heck, women MARRY men who, years later, they find out were after them just for access to the kids.

Agree, it could be harmless or it could be predatory. In any case, an elderly man taking such a close interest in a single mom w very young kids that he comes over DAILY is not normal, so it deserves some scrutiny. We have a sweet elderly neighbor and she gives our kids gifts like sidewalk chalk and invites them to help her toss birdseed on her driveway when we happen to be outside at the same time. She doesn’t come over every day or take my kids into her house.

If OP had posted, “I am a single SAHM and my 80 year old male neighbor has been coming over every day to have coffee and donuts with me, and I let my 3/4 year olds go on their own with him to his farm”, I don’t there there would be so many of you saying, “Go for it! Sounds wonderful, nothing to worry about”.

The friend is a SAHM. I didn't see anything about her being single. And it sounds like they live in an an area where there's not much to do. I'm not saying to blindly trust everyone. But at the same time there is nothing nefarious about neighbors enjoying each others' company. Good grief people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my little kids go off with ANYONE I have only know for a few months.

This is the correct answer. It’s just not smart at all. He could be Mr Rodgers or he could be a predator- it’s way too soon to know. Heck, women MARRY men who, years later, they find out were after them just for access to the kids.

Agree, it could be harmless or it could be predatory. In any case, an elderly man taking such a close interest in a single mom w very young kids that he comes over DAILY is not normal, so it deserves some scrutiny. We have a sweet elderly neighbor and she gives our kids gifts like sidewalk chalk and invites them to help her toss birdseed on her driveway when we happen to be outside at the same time. She doesn’t come over every day or take my kids into her house.

If OP had posted, “I am a single SAHM and my 80 year old male neighbor has been coming over every day to have coffee and donuts with me, and I let my 3/4 year olds go on their own with him to his farm”, I don’t there there would be so many of you saying, “Go for it! Sounds wonderful, nothing to worry about”.

The friend is a SAHM. I didn't see anything about her being single. And it sounds like they live in an an area where there's not much to do. I'm not saying to blindly trust everyone. But at the same time there is nothing nefarious about neighbors enjoying each others' company. Good grief people.

I enjoy my neighbor’s company. My husband is close with him, we BBQ together. I had known him 10 years before we had our child. It would have given me pause if one day he asked my kids over his house alone. Why does he need the company of a three year old, alone? Why isn’t the company of my three year during daily coffee in my presence enough?

[Anonymous]

He's in his 80's for pete's sake. I think you are projecting your own mental issues onto this poor man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H is a child abuse investigator and predators definitely look for single women with young children. They also try to separate the moms from the kids... go shopping I'll watch the kids, I'll take the kids to the movie you need a break, etc.

she's not going to listen to you because like the women on this thread most people live in lalaland where nice old men befriend little kids because they are kind.

In the real world people sexually molest infants and young children at a very high rate and they target single women with young children.

I'd say, "I'm worried that the kids are not safe alone with him." Then leave it alone.

At a very high rate??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's in his 80's for pete's sake. I think you are projecting your own mental issues onto this poor man.

Literally JUST dealt with an 80 year old pervert on the metro. Perverts do not stop being perverts just because they’re old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in his 80's for pete's sake. I think you are projecting your own mental issues onto this poor man.

Literally JUST dealt with an 80 year old pervert on the metro. Perverts do not stop being perverts just because they’re old.

This is not some city pervert. This is an old guy who has urges to garden. Most men that old don't even have prostates anymore. I'd be more worried he'd die of a heart attack or stroke while driving the golf cart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in his 80's for pete's sake. I think you are projecting your own mental issues onto this poor man.

Literally JUST dealt with an 80 year old pervert on the metro. Perverts do not stop being perverts just because they’re old.

This is not some city pervert. This is an old guy who has urges to garden. Most men that old don't even have prostates anymore. I'd be more worried he'd die of a heart attack or stroke while driving the golf cart.

He is likely to do that just being around. OP needs to ban him from the property so that her kids aren't traumatized.