Best age for child to have parents divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

Why not, if they find a true partner, a marriage can be great. But I do advise them not to put up with crap for the sake of "commitment to the institution of marriage".

All long marriages will have some crap. You don't get to 50 years of marriage without some crap, arguments, disagreement and changes. You teach them how to communicate, how to stick up for themselves (but also how to listen to others and their way may not always be right), how to cope, how to support and how to lead, etc. My parents raised strong women and we were always told to have some form of employment (encouraged in education/careers) so that we had options if things were toxic beyond repair.

But, we were taught marriage requires work and compromise and there will be stages where one gives more to support the other and vice versa. We certainly weren't raised to be shrinking violets and team sports and leadership and a good education were all part of it, but so was having compassion, communication and understanding.

I still remember the drive home from wedding dress shopping with my older sister (married a decade at that point) and my mom (happily married for life) when they said, 'marriage isn't going to be this easy, that there will be times you absolutely will not be able to stand your spouse or even look at them, etc., everyone has the moments in a long marriage', but it can be absolutely wonderful and those moments come and go.

I feel like so many are taught to bail and expect to get their way 100% of the time w/ no compromise, e.g., don't put up with any crap for the 'institution of marriage'. So misleading. Those aren't helpful statements. Hence, the bolded study.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a number of post where people say they are waiting a couple years for kids to get older before divorcing, but my understanding was the younger they are the less emotional disorders they end up having b/c of the divorce. Does any have good research papers etc that support older is better for divorce? Excluding your kids being 20+ adults when you divorce.

Best? Never.

For parents who care about their children, this is the best response, unless there’s physical abuse.
Perhaps learn why your marriage is on the rocks, and teach your children to be better people and how to make better life choices.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

My brother felt the same way and never married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

ARe you advising them not to have children as well, or to raise them as a single parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The younger the better. Any time between about 7 and 25 is bad. Middle school or close to it (ages 10 to 15) is a total disaster and you are risking severe psychological consequences

research please?

it is MUCH more common to hear adults say they wished their parents had not stayed togethe, than that they wish they had not divorced.

But they don’t have the opposite situation to compare it to. They may think they wish their parents divorced, but how do they really know what it’s like?

+1. I remember being a teen and briefly wishing my parents would divorce (because that’s what everybody else said). I was just a kid, what did I know? Now that I have an adult’s understanding and can see things with a view to the long-term, it was clearly just a phase in their midlife marriage and I am so so so glad they stayed together and have each other in old age.

It’s not some static thing that never changes, complex feelings can emerge over time and with maturity. Coping mechanisms are real, too. It’s not like the kid was involved in making an informed choice, the adults made the decision for them and they had to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

ARe you advising them not to have children as well, or to raise them as a single parent?

I am advising them to never get married. If they want a child, I would recommend that they use a sperm donor. Having a man control the rest of your life if that is the child’s father and you don’t get along is a freaking nightmare. We divorce laws are now you are tether to that person for life and you can never make your own decisions for 21 years at least. Absolutely do not recommend having a child with a father that you know because you don’t have any control over your life or how that child is raised. I would only suggest they have children if they truly truly want them and it’s absolutely not necessary to have a happy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

ARe you advising them not to have children as well, or to raise them as a single parent?

I am advising them to never get married. If they want a child, I would recommend that they use a sperm donor. Having a man control the rest of your life if that is the child’s father and you don’t get along is a freaking nightmare. We divorce laws are now you are tether to that person for life and you can never make your own decisions for 21 years at least. Absolutely do not recommend having a child with a father that you know because you don’t have any control over your life or how that child is raised. I would only suggest they have children if they truly truly want them and it’s absolutely not necessary to have a happy life.

Christ. You should never had children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

ARe you advising them not to have children as well, or to raise them as a single parent?

I am advising them to never get married. If they want a child, I would recommend that they use a sperm donor. Having a man control the rest of your life if that is the child’s father and you don’t get along is a freaking nightmare. We divorce laws are now you are tether to that person for life and you can never make your own decisions for 21 years at least. Absolutely do not recommend having a child with a father that you know because you don’t have any control over your life or how that child is raised. I would only suggest they have children if they truly truly want them and it’s absolutely not necessary to have a happy life.

Christ. You should never had children.

It was not the plan. But the problem isn’t the kids. The problem is a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

wallerstein is far from the last word in divorce research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a number of post where people say they are waiting a couple years for kids to get older before divorcing, but my understanding was the younger they are the less emotional disorders they end up having b/c of the divorce. Does any have good research papers etc that support older is better for divorce? Excluding your kids being 20+ adults when you divorce.

Best? Never.

For parents who care about their children, this is the best response, unless there’s physical abuse.
Perhaps learn why your marriage is on the rocks, and teach your children to be better people and how to make better life choices.

+100

-100000. You want to know how it ends up that you divorce "too late" when your kid is in MS and you've had years and years of household tension? By unrealistically clinging to how things should be instead of how they are.

At a certain point, calm, low-conflict separate households are MUCH better than a single, tense household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The younger the better. Any time between about 7 and 25 is bad. Middle school or close to it (ages 10 to 15) is a total disaster and you are risking severe psychological consequences

Yeah, sorry, that's not backed up by data at all

Lol there are no “scientific” conclusory facts about these things, selection bias is far too great for “data” to tell you much. People are still arguing about whether the “data” tells you divorce is even bad for kids! (It is). You have to use your observational skills and knowledge about the world

I'm sorry, you seem really uneducated about the sciences. There is in fact tons of research that looks at the impacts of divorce. There is plenty of scientific quantitative and qualitative data over decades, and most of it clearly shows that the majority of children of divorce do not suffer severe long term impacts. It's pretty clear. I'm sorry you don't know what research is in this field.

I’m a PhD social scientist who is very familiar with this research. It is highly inconclusive because it is impossible to adjust for the numerous differences between families who divorce and families who do not. The simple correlations show that divorce is a disaster for kids - worse than the death of a parent, one of the worst things that can happen. On average children of divorced families perform much worse in almost every dimension of life than children from intact families. However the preexisting differences between families who divorce and families who don’t are so great that it’s very difficult verging on impossible to tell what would have happened to those kids had their parents stayed together. It’s for this reason that one shouldn’t expect the “data” to magically answer this question.

My own interpretation of the weight of the evidence is that it’s likely divorce is pretty bad for kids - if you look at the large absolute disadvantages associated with being a child of divorced parents, even for kids from otherwise advantaged families, it’s hard to imagine it’s all a selection bias. In addition common sense and the testimony of children of divorce supports this view. But the impact of divorce is probably pretty heterogenous across individual families. Ironically (or perhaps not) there’s evidence that it’s children from families who were already most disadvantaged / high risk who probably suffer least from divorce

I'm also a researcher. More recent and better research really points to outcomes that are not very different when you compare families from similar economic racial and education background. I believe that as more research is done, esp on more recent divorce, it will be clear that negative impacts were vastly overstated.

Most people bring their own motivations to this. A lot of research on impacts of divorce has been funded by conservative organizations or led by marriage crusaders. This research is then repeated by the huge swaths of unhappily married people who stay together "for the children." Anecdotally some of the most well adjusted people I know are children of divorce (I am an ACOD!). We all know people like this, because almost 50% of marriages end in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

The bolded is the effect I see the most and the most I read about on this forum. What long time marriage is like and the natural ups and downs over the course of a lifetime is not understood by those who see the 'bail' at first bit of roughness model. They see the 'here and now' as a referendum on how it is going to be forever instead of the rationale that this is a normal life stage, people change and how to work through it. They also have unhealthy coping mechanisms a lot of the time and will mirror the parents' infidelity/affairs or substance abuse because they haven't learned how to cope or developed the skills to communicate.

This is a pretty paternalistic view and presupposes that children of divorce lack the insight or initiative to do the necessary healing work to create a better future for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

ARe you advising them not to have children as well, or to raise them as a single parent?

I am advising them to never get married. If they want a child, I would recommend that they use a sperm donor. Having a man control the rest of your life if that is the child’s father and you don’t get along is a freaking nightmare. We divorce laws are now you are tether to that person for life and you can never make your own decisions for 21 years at least. Absolutely do not recommend having a child with a father that you know because you don’t have any control over your life or how that child is raised. I would only suggest they have children if they truly truly want them and it’s absolutely not necessary to have a happy life.

Christ. You should never had children.

It was not the plan. But the problem isn’t the kids. The problem is a man.

Correction: Problem is the man you picked. Or did your parents force him on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience a divorce themselves. Personal skills theory and commitment and confidence theory are two dominant theories to explain this increased divorce risk.

It's definitely having some effect. Some families have legacies of divorce. Nearly every marriage down the line ends in divorce. I know families where the parents divorced and every single one of the children's marriages ultimately ended in divorce too.

The confidence and commitment theory states that children observing and experiencing their parents’ divorce leads to a reduced commitment to the institution of marriage and lower confidence in the ability of marriages to remain intact long-term. Considerable research supports this finding. Divorce researcher Judith Wallerstein explains the phenomenon this way: “...at young adulthood when love, sexual intimacy, commitment and marriage take center stage, children of divorce are haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ divorce and terrified that the same fate awaits them” (Wallerstein, 2005, p. 409). Interestingly, the finding breaks down by sex. One study found that while engaged women whose parents divorced reported lowered relationship commitment and reduced confidence in their own upcoming marriages, the same was not true for men. Researchers note that “experiencing a parental divorce appears to have a stronger impact on women’s than men’s desires and beliefs about the future of their own marriages” (Whitton, 2009, p.4). Women’s lack of confidence in marriage leads to higher divorce rates.

Children of divorce are at risk of responding to their fear of divorce in one of two ways. Some dive headlong into inappropriate, unformed relationships as a counter-phobic response to their fears. Others avoid relationships altogether, and when in relationships, maintain a mindset akin to waiting for the other shoe to drop. They struggle to believe in the strength of relationships to weather difficult stretches, and many arrive ill-equipped to address a relationship’s most potent challenges

Good for them! Single women live longer and healthier lives, there are studies about that too.

Please advise your daughter never to marry then.

I’m not the post you are responding to, but I am absolutely advising that my daughters never get married because it is not a good deal for them at all.

ARe you advising them not to have children as well, or to raise them as a single parent?

I am advising them to never get married. If they want a child, I would recommend that they use a sperm donor. Having a man control the rest of your life if that is the child’s father and you don’t get along is a freaking nightmare. We divorce laws are now you are tether to that person for life and you can never make your own decisions for 21 years at least. Absolutely do not recommend having a child with a father that you know because you don’t have any control over your life or how that child is raised. I would only suggest they have children if they truly truly want them and it’s absolutely not necessary to have a happy life.

Christ. You should never had children.

It was not the plan. But the problem isn’t the kids. The problem is a man.

Correction: Problem is the man you picked. Or did your parents force him on you?

NP but the problem is him. Why are you so deadset on blaming a woman for the behavior of a man?