Why so much disgust felt towards men for dating significantly younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, at some point we gotta start being honest. I have way too many bitter corporate lady friends who wish they had done things differently. A little honesty and self reflection maybe? No one path is right for everyone, but trying to foreclose certain paths with this shaming ain't cute.

Well, you see the men are shaming themselves.

Especially when they write in “lady” voice. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

For me, I had a negative experience dating an older man in my early 20s and, I’m retrospect, he really fetishized my age and our age gap in a gross way. I am wary of this set up when I see it because I’ve seen it play out in unhealthy ways enough times.

I don’t think it’s always bad and I have seen happy couples with bigger age gaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, at some point we gotta start being honest. I have way too many bitter corporate lady friends who wish they had done things differently. A little honesty and self reflection maybe? No one path is right for everyone, but trying to foreclose certain paths with this shaming ain't cute.

And I have way too many lady friends who got married and had kids by their early 20s with older men who groomed them and turned out to not be worth the oxygen they breathe. Like my best friend who was groomed by a grown, older man when she was a teenager, had kids with him, and is now stuck with a man that physically and emotionally abuses her, is out drinking all night, and is still trying to bang teenage girls. Which he tells her about and compares her body to. She hears aaaaallll about how tighter and more nubile those girls are. The kicker? He has a daughter their own age. Disgusting.

There’s downsides to every path, but at the very least if a woman waits until she is older and financially stable, she won’t be stuck with a deadbeat perv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, I had a negative experience dating an older man in my early 20s and, I’m retrospect, he really fetishized my age and our age gap in a gross way. I am wary of this set up when I see it because I’ve seen it play out in unhealthy ways enough times.

I don’t think it’s always bad and I have seen happy couples with bigger age gaps.

Oh, also I find the opinion, when it is present, that only much younger women are “hot” and the younger the better to be offensive. I am 30 and I would not want to be partnered with someone who was disgusted by the idea of a woman aging.

[Anonymous]

Men who do this do have perverted tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, at some point we gotta start being honest. I have way too many bitter corporate lady friends who wish they had done things differently. A little honesty and self reflection maybe? No one path is right for everyone, but trying to foreclose certain paths with this shaming ain't cute.

And I have way too many lady friends who got married and had kids by their early 20s with older men who groomed them and turned out to not be worth the oxygen they breathe. Like my best friend who was groomed by a grown, older man when she was a teenager, had kids with him, and is now stuck with a man that physically and emotionally abuses her, is out drinking all night, and is still trying to bang teenage girls. Which he tells her about and compares her body to. She hears aaaaallll about how tighter and more nubile those girls are. The kicker? He has a daughter their own age. Disgusting.

There’s downsides to every path, but at the very least if a woman waits until she is older and financially stable, she won’t be stuck with a deadbeat perv.

I'm the PP. I agree with you, that is also an risk. Just be ok with your choices!! The constant moaning from career-focused late 30's and early 40's women is unseemly. You made choices and they have consequences, so suck it up. At least you're not stuck with a bum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, I had a negative experience dating an older man in my early 20s and, I’m retrospect, he really fetishized my age and our age gap in a gross way. I am wary of this set up when I see it because I’ve seen it play out in unhealthy ways enough times.

I don’t think it’s always bad and I have seen happy couples with bigger age gaps.

Oh, also I find the opinion, when it is present, that only much younger women are “hot” and the younger the better to be offensive. I am 30 and I would not want to be partnered with someone who was disgusted by the idea of a woman aging.

Older women frequently choose to look less hot. They often give up on keeping the weight in check, often throw away the short sundresses, often get androgynous hairdos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.

I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!

I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.

You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."

No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.

I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!

I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.

You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."

No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.

Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I feel disgust at the thought of dating a man that young because they are still basically children. An older guy who doesn’t recognize that is just….gross.

I also dated older men (40+) when I was early 20s. At the time I thought they were so much more mature than guys my age, but in retrospect, I realize they had big problems which is why they couldn’t date women their own age.

I do understand why younger women do it. Unfortunately men of all ages are mostly a disappointment. Older ones at least have their own place without 3 roommates and sometimes even have real furniture (that you later find out their xW picked out).

Please. Dating women my age is Easy Mode.

Have had short and long relationships with Lawyers, MBAs, State Dept, World Bank, and someone at one of the three-letter agencies. Plus all the non-profit directors.

The real challenge is charming the 26yo who knows she has the attention of every man in the building and then doing it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.

I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!

I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.

You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."

No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.

Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?

This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, I had a negative experience dating an older man in my early 20s and, I’m retrospect, he really fetishized my age and our age gap in a gross way. I am wary of this set up when I see it because I’ve seen it play out in unhealthy ways enough times.

I don’t think it’s always bad and I have seen happy couples with bigger age gaps.

Oh, also I find the opinion, when it is present, that only much younger women are “hot” and the younger the better to be offensive. I am 30 and I would not want to be partnered with someone who was disgusted by the idea of a woman aging.

Older women frequently choose to look less hot. They often give up on keeping the weight in check, often throw away the short sundresses, often get androgynous hairdos.

NP.

All those things relate to aging! It’s harder to keep weight off when you get older, both for biological and environmental reasons (a 25yo often has more time and energy than a 40yo to work out and eat well, plus your uterus starts to stick out), sundresses just don’t look as good when your thighs sag and you have vericose veins, and hair thins as you age and shorter hair can hide that better.

My husband is happy with me even though I’m bigger, more wrinkled, and saggier than I was before. If he thought I should keep looking exactly the same way as I looked when we met, I’d be so creeped out. I’d be looking for an exit probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.

I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!

I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.

You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."

No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.

Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?

I know men that age and a bit younger that specifically target older women to woo because they don’t see those women as viable partners, but easy sex. It’s not always mutually understood. It’s fine if it is.

But that’s also not the power dynamic that we’ve been dealing with for centuries and it’s completely different. So you can’t change the genders and say it’s the same thing, because it just isn’t. And somewhere in your little brain you know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.

I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!

I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.

You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."

No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.

Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?

This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.

Uhhh, noooo. It is gross and it is predatory and I was one of the younger women you are speaking of. The “shaming crap” is because it is shameful. Bye, pervert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, I had a negative experience dating an older man in my early 20s and, I’m retrospect, he really fetishized my age and our age gap in a gross way. I am wary of this set up when I see it because I’ve seen it play out in unhealthy ways enough times.

I don’t think it’s always bad and I have seen happy couples with bigger age gaps.

Oh, also I find the opinion, when it is present, that only much younger women are “hot” and the younger the better to be offensive. I am 30 and I would not want to be partnered with someone who was disgusted by the idea of a woman aging.

Older women frequently choose to look less hot. They often give up on keeping the weight in check, often throw away the short sundresses, often get androgynous hairdos.

NP.

All those things relate to aging! It’s harder to keep weight off when you get older, both for biological and environmental reasons (a 25yo often has more time and energy than a 40yo to work out and eat well, plus your uterus starts to stick out), sundresses just don’t look as good when your thighs sag and you have vericose veins, and hair thins as you age and shorter hair can hide that better.

My husband is happy with me even though I’m bigger, more wrinkled, and saggier than I was before. If he thought I should keep looking exactly the same way as I looked when we met, I’d be so creeped out. I’d be looking for an exit probably.

Newsflash, he probably is more viscerally attracted to younger women. But in a long term relationship there is something to be said for a beauty that has evolved and grown older with you. There is a certain charm/nostalgia to it that can, at times, trump the visceral youthful beauty, which is more fleeting.