Seeking input from parents if middle schoolers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is miserable (7th grade) and I'm at a loss for what to do. She says she has no friends. I know that she is friendly with a ton of girls in her class and they are nice girls and even dd doesn't say they are mean to her. She says that when she sits with them, they don't 'include' her... they talk about what they did together last weekend, etc. that she can't participate in the conversation about.

I'm considering reaching out to those girls' parents (whom I know from ES) to see if they could somehow get her included in weekend invites but haven't yet because I think it could backfire (what will those parents actually tell their kids?)

I don't know if I have tangible advice for OP, except to try to make sure your kid is solidly in a friendship group before going to MS. But that's easier said than done-- by MS it is kind of the kids' turn to navigate these things and as much as we try, we are more spectators than anything else.

I’m sorry your daughter is struggling—I’ve been there. But I don’t think the bolder will necessarily help much. The friend groups always seem to reshuffle a bit in MS. It’s like groups from different schools coming together and a new pecking order is established. I think encouraging your kids to be open to new people, new groups and not to fixate on their elementary friends or whoever the “in” group is will serve them well.

+1. If your DD is not part of the weekend activities nor the conversations at the table there is a reason. Either she isn’t capable of being around/available when everyone else is or the group is changing and she’s unfortunately/fortunately falling out. If its the later she willl need to find a new tribe which requires getting involved in different activities in and out of school and being open to new things and people.

[Anonymous]

Then there is this:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1045878.page

Not an issue in our house. An “almost midriff” tee shirt is about as wild as DD gets.

But I did see a girl in DD’s school wearing what looked like a sports bra as a top.

Whatever; not my kid not my problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is miserable (7th grade) and I'm at a loss for what to do. She says she has no friends. I know that she is friendly with a ton of girls in her class and they are nice girls and even dd doesn't say they are mean to her. She says that when she sits with them, they don't 'include' her... they talk about what they did together last weekend, etc. that she can't participate in the conversation about.

I'm considering reaching out to those girls' parents (whom I know from ES) to see if they could somehow get her included in weekend invites but haven't yet because I think it could backfire (what will those parents actually tell their kids?)

I don't know if I have tangible advice for OP, except to try to make sure your kid is solidly in a friendship group before going to MS. But that's easier said than done-- by MS it is kind of the kids' turn to navigate these things and as much as we try, we are more spectators than anything else.

This was us. We had DD join 2 activities - one in school and one outside of school. She’s met new kids this way with common interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is miserable (7th grade) and I'm at a loss for what to do. She says she has no friends. I know that she is friendly with a ton of girls in her class and they are nice girls and even dd doesn't say they are mean to her. She says that when she sits with them, they don't 'include' her... they talk about what they did together last weekend, etc. that she can't participate in the conversation about.

I'm considering reaching out to those girls' parents (whom I know from ES) to see if they could somehow get her included in weekend invites but haven't yet because I think it could backfire (what will those parents actually tell their kids?)

I don't know if I have tangible advice for OP, except to try to make sure your kid is solidly in a friendship group before going to MS. But that's easier said than done-- by MS it is kind of the kids' turn to navigate these things and as much as we try, we are more spectators than anything else.

Why not tell your daughter to come up with plans at your house (or something she organizes at at different place) and invite these girls? That would go over much better than calling parents and asking her to be included in their plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was surprised that in middle school, although DD made friends with a bunch of nice girls, she also made friends with a group of boys and would be the lone girl hanging out with them, both in and out of school. She also announced one day she'd joined the GSA and it took me a bit to figure out why exactly.

Overall, middle school was great - DD got super organized and learned how to work hard and achieve, and how to make friends with teachers. She had to work in groups for big projects which stunk because she often got paired with slackers (I would email the teacher to let them know DD did all the work when that happened).

Ugh, I dread the prospect of middle school group projects for this reason! I can see the same thing happening to my kids. To make it worse our zoned middle school decided a few years ago to become a "PBL School" that places a special emphasis on project-based learning. Evidently projects are assigned in every class all the time, many of them group projects. We have one more year until our oldest starts middle school, but we're considering switching to private at this point because of the PBL issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is miserable (7th grade) and I'm at a loss for what to do. She says she has no friends. I know that she is friendly with a ton of girls in her class and they are nice girls and even dd doesn't say they are mean to her. She says that when she sits with them, they don't 'include' her... they talk about what they did together last weekend, etc. that she can't participate in the conversation about.

I'm considering reaching out to those girls' parents (whom I know from ES) to see if they could somehow get her included in weekend invites but haven't yet because I think it could backfire (what will those parents actually tell their kids?)

I don't know if I have tangible advice for OP, except to try to make sure your kid is solidly in a friendship group before going to MS. But that's easier said than done-- by MS it is kind of the kids' turn to navigate these things and as much as we try, we are more spectators than anything else.

I’m sorry your daughter is struggling—I’ve been there. But I don’t think the bolder will necessarily help much. The friend groups always seem to reshuffle a bit in MS. It’s like groups from different schools coming together and a new pecking order is established. I think encouraging your kids to be open to new people, new groups and not to fixate on their elementary friends or whoever the “in” group is will serve them well.

If she inviting people to hang out on weekends and after school? I would start with one-on-one invites.