FIL "dating" a call girl

[Anonymous]

My father in law is 70 years old and has many health issues relating to diabetes. He is divorced from my MIL and in the settlement was given a lot of money, the house and a handsome retirement fund from their family business. He was/ is lonely and met a women from a call girl agency 10
Or so years ago. He moved her and her daughter closer to him and began taking care of her financially. 2 years ago she got pregnant from another man and my FIL is now supporting this child too. He pays for everything- their groceries, rent, cars, daycare, school for the daughter, etc. the past 5 years his health has majorly declined- Serious infection in his foot he couldn't feel and lost 2 toes, diabetic coma, appendix bursting, ear infections and severe memory loss. He can't remember day to day events. He was visiting us and staying in a hotel and Couldn't remember where to elevator was or where his room was and was so confused. His call girl "girlfriend" told him he is fine and doesn't need to see a neurologist even after his family and doctors insisted. He turns to her for everything. Recently lots of money and jewelry have gone missing from his house (or he can't find it). We don't live in the same state so this is very hard to deal with. Is there anything we can do to make him get tested? He desperately needs help managing his medications, appointments and even paying his bills. He never remembers his diabetes meds or to check his blood. It's so terrible. Any suggestions? (Typing from a phone sorry for typos)

[Anonymous]

You could look into Power of Attorney (medical and financial) or conservatorship.http://www.elderlawanswers.com/guardianship-and-conservatorship-12096

[Anonymous]

Reposting the link so you can click on it. http://www.elderlawanswers.com/guardianship-and-conservatorship-12096

[Anonymous]

So sorry. Find the local Agency for Aging in his area: http://www.n4a.org/ They should be able to point to appropriate local resources, which very well may be a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

If he was a good decision maker throughout his life, then when he started making unusual decisions 10 yrs ago, the family could have gotten help with assessment/p of a. You still can, and I hope this person and her daughter fade out of the picture.

[Anonymous]

He went for the assessment - the girlfriend took him. He got very frustrated and angry during the assessment he walked out. She tells him his memory is fine. He knows it's not but is embarrassed or scared to see a dr. The girlfriend doesn't want him to be tested because she is scared family will get power of attorney and her money train will stop. She isn't going anywhere. She has "been w him" for 10 years or more and he pays for everything. She will never leave. She doesn't have a traditional job and has no money. She couldn't afford to pay for herself and kids without my FIL. We feel very helpless especially with him living far away from us.

[Anonymous]

No good advice, my 70 year old dad is dating a several "women" younger than me/

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if she is there for him (you live far away so are not) why not let leave them alone. What are you plans if she is out of the picture, are you going to be there for the 15+ doctor appointments he could have a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if she is there for him (you live far away so are not) why not let leave them alone. What are you plans if she is out of the picture, are you going to be there for the 15+ doctor appointments he could have a week?

meant 15 doctor appointments a month. I work my job part-time now so I can shuttle my parents around to everything the need.

[Anonymous]

You need an elder care attorney and probably a medical and financial power of attorney for your FIL. I'm so sorry. What a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Op here... The girlfriend doesn't believe in western medicine and tells him and doesn't need to go to appts unless he is actually sick. She is horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here... The girlfriend doesn't believe in western medicine and tells him and doesn't need to go to appts unless he is actually sick. She is horrible.

I wonder if this disbelief in western medicine extends to herself/her kids.

Also if your dad has been doing dad-like things with his girlfriend's kid by another man, he may yet end up on the hook for child support.

Yet with that said ... If there's no risk of you actually having to bail your dad out after the woman disappears (and they always do) then let him enjoy his last few years. He could leave the money to his cat if he wanted, so I really hope you weren't counting on an inheritance.

Also as 16:38 says, someone is going to have to help him out if the g/f is muscled out of the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father in law is 70 years old and has many health issues relating to diabetes. He is divorced from my MIL and in the settlement was given a lot of money, the house and a handsome retirement fund from their family business. He was/ is lonely and met a women from a call girl agency 10
Or so years ago. He moved her and her daughter closer to him and began taking care of her financially. 2 years ago she got pregnant from another man and my FIL is now supporting this child too. He pays for everything- their groceries, rent, cars, daycare, school for the daughter, etc. the past 5 years his health has majorly declined- Serious infection in his foot he couldn't feel and lost 2 toes, diabetic coma, appendix bursting, ear infections and severe memory loss. He can't remember day to day events. He was visiting us and staying in a hotel and Couldn't remember where to elevator was or where his room was and was so confused. His call girl "girlfriend" told him he is fine and doesn't need to see a neurologist even after his family and doctors insisted. He turns to her for everything. Recently lots of money and jewelry have gone missing from his house (or he can't find it). We don't live in the same state so this is very hard to deal with. Is there anything we can do to make him get tested? He desperately needs help managing his medications, appointments and even paying his bills. He never remembers his diabetes meds or to check his blood. It's so terrible. Any suggestions? (Typing from a phone sorry for typos)

Who do you think should be providing this help, OP? Do you want hmi to come live with you?

[Anonymous]

Your poor FIL.
I was going to post that if this girl made his past years happy you should get over it, but if his health is not looked after, that's elder abuse and you have to step in.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

last, not past