How to deal with mom that comments on any/every emotional reaction?

[Anonymous]

My mother, whom I love dearly, comments on EVERY single emotional reaction I (or my kids) have. Why? If my kids laugh, she comments. If they cry, she comments. Not validation (Oh, I'm sorry or Yes, that is awesome), but it has to be something, and is often derisive.

I am realizing that part of my emotional/intimacy issues stem from her commenting on literally every.single.damn.thing (some of it is just my personality - my defense mechanism is indifference). I can't imagine what this was like when I was a baby/toddler/before I could remember. Ugh. I want my kids to be emotionally healthy - I have no problem letting them go through the natural cycles of their emotions. Both of my kids went through crying phases - now she makes comments on how glad she is Larlo doesn't cry all of the time anymore, but geez, Larlito is starting to be that way.

Ugh - not even sure what I am looking for here...I feel like I can't even show emotion in front of her - she'll be sure to comment on it. Funny thing is that she is not an overtly emotional/expressive person.

[Anonymous]

I have no advice but I'm sorry OP, that sounds exhausting. My MIL is a bit like that, but instead of commenting in the moment she brings it up later on like "remember when that thing happened and you were so angry/sad/anxious?". It's so weird and it is done with this winking, derisive tone. Like she wants me to know that she has her eyes on me and could sense how I was feeling. I tend to present as very calm and I practice this even more so around her because I hate giving her any ammunition.

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like she is uncomfortable with emotion which is not surprising for her generation. My mom is like that to some extent also. I think things have just changed so much in terms of our understanding of psychology. She is probably doing her best. I just find emotional space and let her be her - she can't be anything else.

I do hear you about how when you see your parents interact with your kids, it kind of makes for an Ah Ha moment. So that's why I am the way I am.

Then break the cycle. At least the ones you recognize. LOL.

[Anonymous]

It's overstepping boundaries when she comments like that. Have a talk with her and tell her it's always bothered you, and you'd like her to stop doing it around you and the kids. Tell her that every time she does it, you're going to say to her, "No comment, please." And if she doesn't like it, that's her problem. Every time you say it, imagine you're pushing her intrusive comment away.

[Anonymous]

Just limit your time with her.

[Anonymous]

OP could she have aspergers? Some adults I know who gave aspergers comment or mimic emotion BUT HAVE NO EMPATHY it's like they're trying to process emotion they see around them.

[Anonymous]

OP, she doesn't know anything, obviously, about child development, and that sucks. Also, people who don't live with little children have less tolerance for crying. It's natural. I think some of her comments are natural for people her age. Can you try to find some empathy for her, or say to yourself "This isn't about my mother passing judgment necessarily, it's about her wish not to be around the kids crying."


Maybe, just maybe, in her awkward, left-hand way she is trying to empathize with you or she thinks she is -- her thought process might be "my poor daughter has to deal with this crying all day long, how awful." She doesn't get that it is your children she is talking about and you feel defensive for them and it's not appropriate to comment on their behavior to you.

Maybe you can say something neutral like "I hear you, Mom, it will be nice when they are a little older."

[Anonymous]

You know, Mom, we're trying to raise the kids to be emotionally healthy. Yes, kids cry sometimes. If it bothers you, please feel free to excuse yourself until it's over, but please don't encourage Larlito to bottle it all in.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she is a leech. She can only feel emotions via other people.