How to decline a baby shower gracefully?

[Anonymous]

Please help me come up with a way to decline a baby shower offer gracefully. I received the offer a few weeks ago and I haven’t stopped stressing about it since. I hate being the center of attention, I hate people spending money on me and I don’t want to invite anyone to essentially a gift grab.

I’m throwing a meet the baby party myself after baby is born and I feel much more comfortable with that. I have many acquaintances and neighbors that I invite to dinner or BBQs, but I don’t want to invite to a shower. I don’t know why this shower is stressing me out so much, but I don’t want it to happen. I’m sure it’s hormones, but I have cried about this a few times. There’s only 5 women that I would want to invite (I’ve been in their weddings and threw showers for them) and it just seems like that number would be such a small pathetic shower.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to have a big shower. 5 women is fine. Do a lunch or a spa afternoon getting pedicures together.

If you don't want one at all, say something like "it's so kind of you to offer but I don't like being the center of attention. How about you and I go shopping/have coffee/get a massage together so we can catch up."

[Anonymous]

OP here. They are expecting to rent out a restaurant and dozens of women. 3/5 women I want to invite would be hosting it as their gift. I just really don't feel comfortable with a shower. Siblings, cousins and moms were already invited to a family shower that was thrown by my family.

[Anonymous]

"I don't want to"

[Anonymous]

Take a deep breath. It's not that serious to panic over and don't blame it on hormones either. First, be grateful rather than freaking out you have someone who cares about you enough to organize a shower. My suggestion the person/persons that offered to organize it, take them out for lunch and just say something like this below
"Thank you so much for your offer to organize a baby shower for me. I truly appreciate it and it's "friends" like you that make this world a better place. After thinking about your generous offer I prefer not to have a baby shower. It's not something I really want for myself. I would rather organize a dinner or bbq after the baby is born and invite you all and some more friends".

[Anonymous]

Not everyone likes pedicures and spas

[Anonymous]

It's okay to decline showers! I offered to throw one for a friend and she said simply that it was very kind of me to offer but she didn't really want one. I didn't push, knowing she hates to be the center of attention too.

When I got pregnant I received several offers to host my shower. I declined two, one from my best friend and the other from my MIL. In both cases I was very touched but the logistics wouldn't work out. Both were understanding. People who love you enough to want to throw you a shower would recognize that you really mean it without taking offence.

[Anonymous]

"Thank you so much and I do appreciate your thoughtfulness but I must decline." that's all you have to say.

[Anonymous]

Not quite this situation, as mine would have been a family gathering. I said I'm sorry to be the party pooper but I'm just really pregnant, not feeling great, and don't want to be the center of attention right now. I really appreciate the thought! The event was redirected from a shower to just a gathering before any formal decision had been made.

[Anonymous]

Just tell your friends who want to host that you are touched by how thoughtful they are to offer but that you really just don't feel up to having a baby shower. Leave it at that. If they push you on it, let them know it would be nice to have a small gathering with just your very closest friends (the 5 women you mentioned) to celebrate the baby's impending arrival but that you don't want to have a shower...just a more casual gathering w/ those 5 women like a nice meal out or a spa day or whatever your group would enjoy. I know it can be difficult to say no to a generous and kind offer from friends and I have friends like that, including one of my bridesmaids who insisted on giving me a bridal shower that I really didn't want, but I think you just have to be very clear about what you want/don't want (of course while still being gracious and thanking them for the offer) and be firm about your choice.

[Anonymous]

I declined 3 offers for similar reasons and I had just finished being the center of attention at my wedding 15 months before my expected due date.

I just said that I really appreciated the offer, am really just looking to these friends for advice, and also that several of my closest friends are having fertility challenges at the moment and I didn't want to have a party to celebrate while they were struggling. I also said I want to throw a fun first birthday party when the baby is bigger and folks and see him! I am also type A and just wanted to go out and buy what I needed to be ready pretty early. Several of these friends also gave us hand-me downs and I said that was gracious enough! With my SIL and MIL, I declined and said I would rather spend a fun day together before the baby is born.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you. All of this is making me feel calmer. I would be okay if it were a small gathering at a friends house for lunch. I just don't want something big and expensive like they're imagining. I don't really feel like I can dictate how I'd want it to go though.