Baby Shower Invite Etiquette

[Anonymous]

My friends are throwing me a shower here in town, but I have no family here. My mom and sis, and maybe an aunt and cousin, will be coming in from out of state, but I'm unsure if I need to invite the rest of my family (aunts, girl cousins around my age, great aunt, grandmothers) if only to be polite, knowing they won't or can't attend this far away?

My dad's family is much more formal than my mom's, so I am worried they'll be offended at not being invited despite the distance. At the same time, I don't want my friends to send out all these invites and make it seem like I'm gift grabbing by inviting people who obviously won't be attending in person (gifts are not going to be necessary to attend). Not really a problem with DH's family, which is so small we already let his mom, aunt, and grandmother know that we are sending an invite but don't want there to be pressure to attend (they probably won't).

Unsure what to do, or what is proper. Should I tell my friends to send an invite, but maybe add something like, if you can't attend but would like to contribute, we're compiling best mom tips or well wishes for baby in a book?

[Anonymous]

Just send invitations to all family members. I understand why you feel weird about it since you don't want them to think you are only inviting them for the gifts but I don't think that's what most people think. They just want to feel included. And most people will want to send a gift or card most likely. If it makes you feel better to include a note like you mentioned about mom tips or whatever, I don't see the harm in that but I don't think it's necessary either.

Of course, I'm thinking of all this from my own perspective (I'd want my cousin or niece or whoever to invite me to her baby shower so that I felt included and so that I could send a gift to be opened at the shower).

[Anonymous]

Same situation. Do people really send invites to out of town moms and grandmas?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't think that friends would be hosting your entire family. A friend of your mom's or an aunt should be hosting that one.
I would only invite your mom, grandma and sisters.

[Anonymous]

Totally up to you. I decided not to have the hosts send invites to extended family (aunts, cousins, etc.) because I knew none would be attending (they are all a flight away). As it turns out, I think my DH's aunts would have *liked* to have been invited (even though they wouldn't have come) and now are planning some kind of virtual shower for us themselves (ie- I think they're just sending gifts and we can skype with them when we open them). That said- I'd stand by my original decision.

[Anonymous]

I would not send invites to out of town relatives other than your mom. Maybe mother in law too. But when I host for a friend I never expect all of her female relatives to be invited. Someone in your family should have a family shower.

If you really want to invite all your family, then make that clear to your friend ( because it's likely a different party than she envisioned) and don't ALSO invite your friends. It would be really crappy for your friend who is hosting if you guarantee none of these relatives are going to show and then they do.

[Anonymous]

Depending on your relationship with your mom and MIL, and their relationships with said family members, maybe get their input on what to do. I was in a similar position and my mom and MIL provided some helpful guidance and then I felt less likely to offend people.

[Anonymous]

I sent an email to all of my family members and close out of town friends, telling them there would be a shower and they will be getting an invitation. But I also added that no one should feel any pressure to travel in or send a gift - I just wanted them to be included if they were interested. Only my mother-in-law came - which was great.

[Anonymous]

OP here - no one in my family is throwing me a shower, this is the only one which is why I was unsure of etiquette. I am 100% certain they won't be attending because they live over a 10 hour drive away and many of them either have kids or are too old to travel.

But, I did take the advice of asking my mother what she thought was best and she said just to send to her and the aunt I thought might be attending. If family asks her, she'll explain the situation herself.

Thanks.