What's weird about where you are staying - Thanksgiving 2024 edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For confusing guests we had my SIL and BIL. After Thanksgiving dinner last year we had coffee (they are coffee lovers and drink it constantly), and SIL asked for almond milk. I didn't have any, and felt like a terrible host - had I forgotten they drink almond milk? She declined to have any coffee with her pie.

So Friday morning I woke up at the crack of dawn to run out and get almond milk. What did she do? She drank the 2%.

You thought you were a terrible host and got her the almond milk and she thought she was a terrible guest for not just drinking what was there, so she did. It’s a modern day gift of the magi!

Dying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too.

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too.

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

You know you’re coming off as really snobbish, right? Maybe people with more casual jobs like the idea of dressing up for the holidays. Some families do. I mean, she was rude to chastise your DH for being “sloppy,” but you sound classist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm new to my husband's family. First time staying at the in-laws. The main bathroom in the hallway does not have a doorknob. This is where I'm to shower and get ready with two other families.

I asked my husband if we could check into a hotel but he said it would hurt his moms feelings.

Girl, rubber door stopper. Fits in your purse. Amazon.com or hardware store or Target/Walmart.

I'm confused. This person thinks the PP should carry a rubber door stopper around with her? To somehow stop up the hole in the spot missing the doorknob? What?

To stop the door from being opened. It's a door stopper.

The hole was already addressed. Learn to read.

Go back and YOU read what you wrote, it makes no sense. It was about the missing door knob! Dolt!

NP. It made sense to me. Missing door knob means door can’t be locked, so anyone can walk in at any time. Assuming the door opens in, a door stop on the inside would prevent someone from walking in on you while you’re using the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too.

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

You know you’re coming off as really snobbish, right? Maybe people with more casual jobs like the idea of dressing up for the holidays. Some families do. I mean, she was rude to chastise your DH for being “sloppy,” but you sound classist.

DP here. It’s rude to comment on another’s appearance. Just like it’s rude to comment on what someone takes on their plate or does/does not eat. (Looking at you MIL.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too.

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

You know you’re coming off as really snobbish, right? Maybe people with more casual jobs like the idea of dressing up for the holidays. Some families do. I mean, she was rude to chastise your DH for being “sloppy,” but you sound classist.

Better to be classist than to be classless enough to badger someone in their own home about their sartorial choices.

DH didn't say that to be mean. She asked him why he was dressed "so sloppy" and he answered honestly.

Throughout the dinner, SIL made a ton of comments about how MIL was doing everything wrong and needed to do things like "use a classier tablecloth" (she meant buy a shiny paper one from party store vs heirloom tablecloth) and how she should have just used all disposable paper products for serving/eating instead of the fancy family china plates, and how MIL should just pick up all the food from a caterer next time instead of "wasting all day cooking" (MIL takes a lot of pride in her cooking and it's good.)

I don't know if it's a social class issue or a SIL issue--I cannot imagine showing up as a guest in someone's home and criticizing the heck out over everything in a super concern-trolling kind of way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband does long good byes. Knowing this, and since it was late and we were last remaining guests, I put on my jacket and plopped down on a couch to watch football (when my husband said it was time to go). 30 minutes later my husband is saying "hey it's late we really need to get home kids are getting cranky come on wheres your coat..." Directed at me. I asked if he was ready, "yes I said we were leaving 30 minutes ago." So I got up, got the kids to the front door and guess what? We stood there for 20 more minutes while dh talked to people.

There's no way to beat the long-goodbye people.

My husband does this wherever he is; I give him a 30 minute window before the crankiness sets in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too.

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

You know you’re coming off as really snobbish, right? Maybe people with more casual jobs like the idea of dressing up for the holidays. Some families do. I mean, she was rude to chastise your DH for being “sloppy,” but you sound classist.

Better to be classist than to be classless enough to badger someone in their own home about their sartorial choices.

DH didn't say that to be mean. She asked him why he was dressed "so sloppy" and he answered honestly.

Throughout the dinner, SIL made a ton of comments about how MIL was doing everything wrong and needed to do things like "use a classier tablecloth" (she meant buy a shiny paper one from party store vs heirloom tablecloth) and how she should have just used all disposable paper products for serving/eating instead of the fancy family china plates, and how MIL should just pick up all the food from a caterer next time instead of "wasting all day cooking" (MIL takes a lot of pride in her cooking and it's good.)

I don't know if it's a social class issue or a SIL issue--I cannot imagine showing up as a guest in someone's home and criticizing the heck out over everything in a super concern-trolling kind of way.

I think it’s probably just awkwardness and a weird class thing. I grew up poor but our family was of the background and era where you could and did save for beautiful linens, cooked really well from scratch, and spent the little money you did have on holidays and hosting- so things like serving ware, silver, and china were used and considered a way of sharing what nice things you had with everyone who came through your door. My grandparents’ goal was always to save for the nicest thing that could last the longest. But so much of their leisure time and now ours is spent on upkeep, maintenance, caretaking, and the extra effort needed to use and clean special things.

My SIL grew up with much less and was poor in a different way. Her family really aspires to conveniences after a hardscrabble life. Disposable things, new pretty things every year from wal-mart and Amazon, and not having to do dishes is considered a worthy and aspirational goal. They’ve had to move a lot and had some houses wrecked by various disasters and crises, so having nice things to pass down isn’t really a positive- it’s more of an overwhelming burden.

Both perspectives are just a different way of looking at having more money and leisure, but it’s jarring if you’re coming from one background or the other and experiencing it for the first time. I don’t think either side can see eye to eye on this because it’s so personal and complicated.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care if someone is doctor who works at a hospital or cashier working in pharmacy or if works fast food, as an Amazon driver or works in an office building. What I do care is if any of the above take a haughty, condescending tone when they come to the table and lecture the rest of us about our life choices. I am SO glad extended family time is now over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too.

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

You know you’re coming off as really snobbish, right? Maybe people with more casual jobs like the idea of dressing up for the holidays. Some families do. I mean, she was rude to chastise your DH for being “sloppy,” but you sound classist.

Better to be classist than to be classless enough to badger someone in their own home about their sartorial choices.

DH didn't say that to be mean. She asked him why he was dressed "so sloppy" and he answered honestly.

Throughout the dinner, SIL made a ton of comments about how MIL was doing everything wrong and needed to do things like "use a classier tablecloth" (she meant buy a shiny paper one from party store vs heirloom tablecloth) and how she should have just used all disposable paper products for serving/eating instead of the fancy family china plates, and how MIL should just pick up all the food from a caterer next time instead of "wasting all day cooking" (MIL takes a lot of pride in her cooking and it's good.)

I don't know if it's a social class issue or a SIL issue--I cannot imagine showing up as a guest in someone's home and criticizing the heck out over everything in a super concern-trolling kind of way.

Its textbook insecurity/self-loathing and/or envy, depending on the context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cereal for breakfast. Do not know when any other food is happening.

You expect a cooked breakfast on Thanksgiving? You are the problem. Forage.

+1

What’s wrong with cereal, on Thanksgiving of all days? Reminds me of the poster who wanted to disrupt her host’s Thanksgiving prep to cook a full hot breakfast for her “adult boys” because they’d simply wither away if they ate a bagel.

Haha, seriously.

I’m the bagel PP from last year. Sadly it was just us this Thanksgiving. I’m SO relieved I didn’t have to host but also a little sad not to see everyone, including my sister who I love dearly but drives me crazy.

I get that. Bittersweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too.

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

You know you’re coming off as really snobbish, right? Maybe people with more casual jobs like the idea of dressing up for the holidays. Some families do. I mean, she was rude to chastise your DH for being “sloppy,” but you sound classist.

Better to be classist than to be classless enough to badger someone in their own home about their sartorial choices.

DH didn't say that to be mean. She asked him why he was dressed "so sloppy" and he answered honestly.

Throughout the dinner, SIL made a ton of comments about how MIL was doing everything wrong and needed to do things like "use a classier tablecloth" (she meant buy a shiny paper one from party store vs heirloom tablecloth) and how she should have just used all disposable paper products for serving/eating instead of the fancy family china plates, and how MIL should just pick up all the food from a caterer next time instead of "wasting all day cooking" (MIL takes a lot of pride in her cooking and it's good.)

I don't know if it's a social class issue or a SIL issue--I cannot imagine showing up as a guest in someone's home and criticizing the heck out over everything in a super concern-trolling kind of way.

I think it’s probably just awkwardness and a weird class thing. I grew up poor but our family was of the background and era where you could and did save for beautiful linens, cooked really well from scratch, and spent the little money you did have on holidays and hosting- so things like serving ware, silver, and china were used and considered a way of sharing what nice things you had with everyone who came through your door. My grandparents’ goal was always to save for the nicest thing that could last the longest. But so much of their leisure time and now ours is spent on upkeep, maintenance, caretaking, and the extra effort needed to use and clean special things.

My SIL grew up with much less and was poor in a different way. Her family really aspires to conveniences after a hardscrabble life. Disposable things, new pretty things every year from wal-mart and Amazon, and not having to do dishes is considered a worthy and aspirational goal. They’ve had to move a lot and had some houses wrecked by various disasters and crises, so having nice things to pass down isn’t really a positive- it’s more of an overwhelming burden.

Both perspectives are just a different way of looking at having more money and leisure, but it’s jarring if you’re coming from one background or the other and experiencing it for the first time. I don’t think either side can see eye to eye on this because it’s so personal and complicated.

thank you for this really thoughtful response and the PP below who mentioned envy. I had not thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm new to my husband's family. First time staying at the in-laws. The main bathroom in the hallway does not have a doorknob. This is where I'm to shower and get ready with two other families.

I asked my husband if we could check into a hotel but he said it would hurt his moms feelings.

Girl, rubber door stopper. Fits in your purse. Amazon.com or hardware store or Target/Walmart.

I'm confused. This person thinks the PP should carry a rubber door stopper around with her? To somehow stop up the hole in the spot missing the doorknob? What?

To stop the door from being opened. It's a door stopper.

The hole was already addressed. Learn to read.

Go back and YOU read what you wrote, it makes no sense. It was about the missing door knob! Dolt!

NP. It made sense to me. Missing door knob means door can’t be locked, so anyone can walk in at any time. Assuming the door opens in, a door stop on the inside would prevent someone from walking in on you while you’re using the bathroom.

Another NP. I’m astonished that anyone is confused about the need for a door stopper in this scenario. That PP has zero business calling anyone else a dolt.

[Anonymous]

MIl insisted on hosting (we alternate years celebrating with DH’s family and mine, we always host when it’s my family, but MIL or SIL like to host on their years). MIL insisted no one show up until an exact set time (like a PP’s mother).

Upon arrival, we were immediately hustled to the dining room for dinner. Dinner was - salmon and roasted potatoes and asparagus.

When asked what happened to all of the/our traditional Thanksgiving dishes, she said she “just doesn’t feel like cooking Thanksgiving foods any longer.”

SIL (MIL’s 42 year old daughter) pitched a screaming and crying fit that she would have hosted had she known we wouldn’t be served Thanksgiving dishes, and went into her childhood bedroom to sulk.

The rest of SIL’s family, my family and FIL sat at the table, partly dumbfounded at the food on the table and partly frozen in place listening to MIL and SIL scream at each other through the bedroom door.

On a bright note, the apple and pumpkin pies I brought were a hit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIl insisted on hosting (we alternate years celebrating with DH’s family and mine, we always host when it’s my family, but MIL or SIL like to host on their years). MIL insisted no one show up until an exact set time (like a PP’s mother).

Upon arrival, we were immediately hustled to the dining room for dinner. Dinner was - salmon and roasted potatoes and asparagus.

When asked what happened to all of the/our traditional Thanksgiving dishes, she said she “just doesn’t feel like cooking Thanksgiving foods any longer.”

SIL (MIL’s 42 year old daughter) pitched a screaming and crying fit that she would have hosted had she known we wouldn’t be served Thanksgiving dishes, and went into her childhood bedroom to sulk.

The rest of SIL’s family, my family and FIL sat at the table, partly dumbfounded at the food on the table and partly frozen in place listening to MIL and SIL scream at each other through the bedroom door.

On a bright note, the apple and pumpkin pies I brought were a hit!

Team SIL. WTF was MIL thinking? Very selfish on her part.