Throwing out your old stuff from childhood- is it your job? Or your parents'?

[Anonymous]

My parents kept a ridiculous load of my old stuff from birth onward. I had no idea that decades later my mother- it's not really my dad, I think- has kept things like third grade certificates, old books, battered stuffed animals, you name it. She recently asked me to go through it all when I visit. I could understand her holding on to certain things, but what on earth am I supposed to do with this stuff myself? She seems to think I want to keep most of it. But I don't. Maybe I should just take a shoebox sized amount and have her goodwill the rest.

What have you all done? I feel that certain things are my mins to keep, i.e. my baby blanket. Why would I want it?

[Anonymous]

Here's what I did, because my mom couldn't bring herself to throw any of my kid stuff out. I took all of my things home that she didn't want to keep herself (she had one box of momentos that she wanted). I went through and picked the stuff I wanted (baby book, a few keepsakes, yearbooks, etc) and threw the rest out. I knew she couldn't bring herself to get rid of it so I did it for her.

I thought of it as doing something kind of my mom, taking the burden off of her so she didn't have to feel guilty about not keeping all those "treasures" and whatnot.

[Anonymous]

I'm very nostalgic about things, so I would appreciate being asked to go through my things. (My parents have mostly done that, but a few times, they've cleared out things that I might have preferred to keep.)

I envy people like you who don't feel burdened by their stuff! That said, maybe keep in mind that your kids and their potential offspring, if any, might enjoy seeing some things from your childhood. You could keep a box of things that were especially important to you--or especially indicative of the era you grew up in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very nostalgic about things, so I would appreciate being asked to go through my things. (My parents have mostly done that, but a few times, they've cleared out things that I might have preferred to keep.)

I envy people like you who don't feel burdened by their stuff! That said, maybe keep in mind that your kids and their potential offspring, if any, might enjoy seeing some things from your childhood. You could keep a box of things that were especially important to you--or especially indicative of the era you grew up in.

This. I would definitely want to do it myself

[Anonymous]

My parents waited until I was pregnant then they gave me boxes of my baby things. LOVED going through them. I kept what I wanted to use and then tossed the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very nostalgic about things, so I would appreciate being asked to go through my things. (My parents have mostly done that, but a few times, they've cleared out things that I might have preferred to keep.)

I envy people like you who don't feel burdened by their stuff! That said, maybe keep in mind that your kids and their potential offspring, if any, might enjoy seeing some things from your childhood. You could keep a box of things that were especially important to you--or especially indicative of the era you grew up in.

absolutely i agree!! I don't like being burdened with "Stuff" -- but i have so few things from my childhood (my mom kept hardly anything). I actually keep these things for my kids now. Awards, baby hair, cute little notes and drawings, etc. I wonder if my kids are going to be mad in 20 years when I pass it on to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I did, because my mom couldn't bring herself to throw any of my kid stuff out. I took all of my things home that she didn't want to keep herself (she had one box of momentos that she wanted). I went through and picked the stuff I wanted (baby book, a few keepsakes, yearbooks, etc) and threw the rest out. I knew she couldn't bring herself to get rid of it so I did it for her.

I thought of it as doing something kind of my mom, taking the burden off of her so she didn't have to feel guilty about not keeping all those "treasures" and whatnot.

I think this is the best approach. My sister went through the house after her second son went off to college and gave away anything she didn't think was important. Unfortunately, she gave away a huge block construction collection which included valuables stashed in a secret compartment of one of their creations. The guys were pretty upset, not only for the loss of the valuables but of their beloved collection, but I think it helped her transition to the next phase in her life (empty nest). My DS will going to grad school next year and we've agreed to go through all of his stuff this summer.

[Anonymous]

If you are an adult, you should take away the possessions that your mother so thoughtfully kept for you, and curate them as you see fit. Make sure you thank her for caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I did, because my mom couldn't bring herself to throw any of my kid stuff out. I took all of my things home that she didn't want to keep herself (she had one box of momentos that she wanted). I went through and picked the stuff I wanted (baby book, a few keepsakes, yearbooks, etc) and threw the rest out. I knew she couldn't bring herself to get rid of it so I did it for her.

I thought of it as doing something kind of my mom, taking the burden off of her so she didn't have to feel guilty about not keeping all those "treasures" and whatnot.

I go with this approach too. It's easier for me to toss some things than it is for my parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, please remember that the things your mom saved for you were saved at a time when she likely felt so much love, care, and joy for you for the child you were in that moment that she couldn't bear to part with them. I tend to save a lot of my boys things because they're "markers" of what's gone on in their lives at different times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are an adult, you should take away the possessions that your mother so thoughtfully kept for you, and curate them as you see fit. Make sure you thank her for caring.

+1. You sound whiny that you have to deal with your own belongings. As I got older I shed things, and what was left became my job to curate once my parents were getting ready to downsize. It never occurred to me that it was my mom's job. (!)

[Anonymous]

You should keep what you want, then YOU should Goodwill the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an adult, you should take away the possessions that your mother so thoughtfully kept for you, and curate them as you see fit. Make sure you thank her for caring.

+1. You sound whiny that you have to deal with your own belongings. As I got older I shed things, and what was left became my job to curate once my parents were getting ready to downsize. It never occurred to me that it was my mom's job. (!)

Yup. My sibs lived out of town when my parents downsized. I was stcuk with handling all their stuff. What's more, they were demanding about all the things they did and did not want.

[Anonymous]

My parents had boxed up a lot, and when we were home for the holidays we went through quite a bit of it.
It was pretty easy - when you toss out the 90% that didn't age well/concerns about the materials it was made out out of and immediately went into the trash, there was a small pile that got saved, and anything else that was sent to goodwill.

[Anonymous]

My father, abruptly, with zero warning, asked me to go through my room to indicate what I wanted to keep. He then stood in my childhood room staring at me, and my mother hopped into my bed and made herself comfortable to watch this new scene in her personal reality show staring one of her children.

I cried and tried to do what my father was asking, but COMPLETELY forgot about the bags of my things they had in the attic. So they got rid of them. Including my fancy Cabbage Patch Doll from Hong Kong, complete with passport stamped by real customs agents. Including my satin toe shoes. Including my first jewelry box. Things I'd REALLY have loved to keep.

No clue what happened to my old stuffed animals, my old book reports, my stickers, my books, etc. I assume my father threw out whatever he thought wouldn't sell at the one garage sale they ever had.