Would this bother you?
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Anonymous
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I have seen a trend where MIL throws big birthdays for 2 of his oldest kids (DH is in the middle.) She makes a big deal out of it and wants everyone to participate and give big gifts. MIL used to send me birthday cards in the beginning and she would also do a joint party for BIL and I since we are only 3 days apart. Recently, she never "remembers" my birthday and when someone brings it up she says we are too many in the family now so she can't remember every birthday so it's up to spouses to do things with their significant others.
Anyhow, my birthday passed a few days ago without even a birthday wish from most of my in-laws but today I received this long e-mail inviting DH and I to celebrate BIL birthday in an upscale restaurant where we will all be responsible for our bills. We will then be required to split amongst us MIL, FIL, BIL and his wife's bill. How fair is this? I really don't feel like going. The problem is DH is very excited and doesn't see how this is so wrong on many levels. |
Anonymous
| Just let him go without you. |
Anonymous
I think since you are only paying for your portion of the meal, you should go and enjoy. Next time, you send the invite for your DH's birthday to these people, using the same format (expensive restaurant and everyone pays for their own meal). If they do not come to that birthday, you can reciprocate in the same way for those people who did not attend. |
Anonymous
No, she'd be paying for her meal, DH's meal, and a portion for BIL, SIL, FIL, & MIL. Ick. Just send your husband and a card. |
Anonymous
| I don't get how this is wrong on so many levels, OP. Your MIL says that she can't remember all of the birthdays and that it's up to her children to do birthdays for their wives, including your husband being responsible for celebrating yours. Your MIL makes a plan to celebrate her child's birthday - the the birthday of one of her children's spouses. I think that's awesome that his family is close enough to be excited about each others' birthdays. This isn't about you and you haven't even been dissed. |
Anonymous
I could sort of see if people were buying BIL and his wife's meal, but FIL and MIL? Not cool. |
Anonymous
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Your mother is hosting but expecting others to cover her portion of the bill? SO weird.
If she can't afford the nice venue, then she should just host a more modest celebration at home and ask people to bring in appetizers, drinks, and the cake, while she covers the main as the host. |
Anonymous
PP, if that is the case, shouldn't it be BIL's wife responsibility to plan the birthday? |
Anonymous
Cheap ass in-laws. Don't get me started. I have like the weirdest in-laws when it comes to money. In a restaurant, everyone gets so flustered when the waiter asks if we'll split the bill. What the fuck is wrong with cousins paying for themselves as their spouses? In a case of someone's special occasion, I agree, MIL should either pay up, choose a more affordable venue, or host a potluck at home. I get royally annoyed when barely-middle-class folks decide to act all posh. Ugh. |
Anonymous
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It would bother me to have to pay for a portion of anyone's meal except for the birthday person. The fact that she would organize this and state you are all paying for her and FIL and SIL is so out of line.
I'll leave the fact that it's also your birthday out of it, though I think that's terrible as well. If anything, the dinner should be for you and BIL and everyone either pays their own way or maybe kicks in to cover the portion for you and BIL. But I get that ILs often don't give a rat's rear end about their DIL/SIL's birthdays, so I guess I'd let that slide. |
Anonymous
| It's poorly worded. I think OP is trying to say that they'd be responsible for their own bill and then split BIL and SIL's bill with MIL and FIL (i.e. they wouldn't be paying for MIL and FIL's bill). |
Anonymous
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What does your dh day about paying for almost everyone?
This is beyond messed up. Im sorry op. They sound really shitty. Fwiw: my inlaws dos the same thing but on purpose. They invited us all out on to my favorite restaurant to celebrate their nieces bday and their anniversary. We all share the same day but they did this on purpose to exclude me. My husband saw right through and declined with me. Now, while I don't think your in laws are doing this on purpose to you it still is pretty shitty. I would go with your husband since it is his brother and he is excited. Sorry. |
Anonymous
OP here, we would be paying for FIL and MIL as well for reasons I don't know. |
Anonymous
| First of all - don't rely on MIL to establish your/DH's relationships with his siblings. If you want to take them out to dinner, for a birthday, to celebrate something, whatever - do it. You could, should have a relationship with them separate from what your MIL arranges. Then re: this event - It's your DH family. He decides for himself. Ask if he cares if you go. If it doesn't matter to him, then go or don't - but don't decide out of spite (even though you have a case) |
Anonymous
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here is the official rule: after you are 25, it is beyond tacky to ask others to buy your meal to celebrate your birthday. be a grown up and pay for your own meal, or, if you are a true class act, pay for everyone as a celebration of your own birthday.
WTF is wrong with people. if you are an adult no one gives a shit about your birthday. truly. anyone who disagrees with this is at their core, immature and/or selfish. |