How to leave
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Anonymous
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I've suffered from depression most of my life. I've had some brief breaks, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Since having our 3rd child (who is about as easy and perfect as babies get), I've done therapy, taken meds, and realized that it's pointless. I see the hurt in my older children's faces as they have a mother that is physically present but emotionally absent. I know my leaving them would hurt them too, but I think not as badly as the daily hurt of having a mother who doesn't treat them the way a mother should.
I'm stuck deciding if I just take off for another state and send $$ to my husband until he gets our assets in a divorce or if I take my life. We have a large amount of life insurance for me, and I've checked and it'd pay out in the case of suicide. I don't want to die, but I feel like it might be fairer to the kids. My biggest regret in life at this point is not taking my life shortly before I got married so there were not so many people to hurt. Any advice? I don't need to hear about therapy or medication - been there, done that, and I don't feel like wasting more resources down that hole. |
Anonymous
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A mom in my hood took her own life. Her kids were devastated and traumatized. And years later, seriously messed up. I can't make you care about yourself but I can suggest you think of your kids. Care about your kids lives. I'm sure you do.
My suggestion: check yourself into some type of hospital. Who cares what it costs...if you are at the point where you are thinking of taking your life it does not matter. |
Anonymous
| Just take off. Take a long, long vacation. Go somewhere sunny. Get to a beach and stand by the ocean. Breathe in the air. It is fine to step away from your family. They will be hurt and angry but not nearly as devastated as they will be by a suicide. Write a letter explaining your reasons and go, but do not commit suicide. That is unforgivable and has a legacy that never, never ends. Please, I think warm clean air and space away from care taking others might make your life at least livable. Please try, OP. |
Anonymous
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Please call this number and get help 1 (800) 273-8255. Hugs. It will get better.
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org |
Anonymous
| OP - I know you think this is permanent but the vast, vast majority of people who consider or attempt suicide recover and live long and happy lives. Please do not commit suicide - check yourself into a hospital and get help. It will get better |
Anonymous
I agre. I'm one of them. I've also seem the devastation left in the wake of a suicide. I promise that your kids want you around. Please Check yourself into someplace to get treatment ASAP. |
Anonymous
| OP, I am praying that things work out for you. Try exercise as it works on brain chemistry and long walks did wonders for me. Please, please take care of yourself. |
Anonymous
I'm pretty sure OP knows where to get that information. And how do you know it will get better when it hasn't for years? If anything you have just pushed her further into suicide with your non help. |
Anonymous
| Both leaving and killing yourself would hurt your children far worse than you're hurting them now. They'd still have a daily hurt, but it would be from a mother who didn't want to even stick around to provide basic care, let alone provide emotional connection and support. You'd be taking both from them instead of just the latter. |
Anonymous
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This statement: . I don't want to die, but I feel like it might be fairer to the kids
Shows you are not thinking clearly AT ALL. It will not be better for your kids. It is the worst, most traumatizing thing you could do to your children. They will be scarred for life. Your disease of depression has reached critical stage. You need to go to an emergency room and explain your thought process. There is help available but you need to get it now. |
Anonymous
I want to reiterate this hotline number. Suicide would traumatized your family. You feel hopeless now, but you can feel better. There are more treatments to try. Please reach out. |
Anonymous
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I lost my mother as a young child - not to suicide, but to cancer. Please, please, please don't take your life.
Find a way to take care of yourself. Be selfish. Nourish your own needs and happiness, before your husband and even before your kids. I inherited a considerable amount of money after both my parents - but I'd give every cent back, just for 5 minutes or a hug from my mom. Money is not a replacement, and believe me, your physical presence is **infinitely** more valuable than none at all. |
Anonymous
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You are perfect in your child's eyes. Remember that and also remember they will be devastated if follow through on suicide. It will make them grow up a lot faster than their chronological age. Please don't rob them of their childhood.
But I do urge you to get help from a psychiatrist as soon as possible (since the meds take a while to work). There is no shame in taking pills to take you om the road to recovery. BTDT. |
Anonymous
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I lost my mother to suicide, and a friend killed herself shortly after having her second child.
You say you love your children, but believe me, if you decide to kill yourself, you might as well take out a very sharp kitchen knife and stab them in a million places, don't let them die, just keep doing it year in, year out, for the rest of their lives. I'm sure my mom thought my sisters and I would be better off without her, but she could not have been more wrong. As an adult, I've often thought that my mother ought to have left, moved to an island in Maine, pulled herself together and just stayed alive so she could see us again, meet her grandchildren, be there when we needed her. My mother did not make that choice, but you can, OP. Plus, I don't know what you've been taking for depression, but there are a lot of physical conditions that can make you depressed: hormones, thyroid, adrenals, certain diseases like lupus. If you are done with medications, what about natural remedies, things like b vitamins, 5-htp, st john's wort, fish oil and exercise, exercise, exercise!! Go see an integrative medicine doctor or a holistic practitioner, get a complete physical workup, and see if they find a physical root of your depression. BTW, antidepressants really don't work, not in the long run, because they do not address the physical issues that underlie depression. They simply mask it, which is why they might work at first, and then their effectiveness wanes. Therapy does not deal with underlying physical issues either, so it's not going to make any difference either, but it can help you cope a bit. If you love your children, do not kill yourself, OP. You will hurt them more than you can possibly imagine, wounding them permanently. If you need to take a break to save yourself, then do it. Get away, get help, just stay alive until you can find the way to deal with the underlying causes of your depression, which are obviously physical. Hugs to you, OP. You will get better, you must believe it. |
Anonymous
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I echo what others have said. I also want to weigh in with a personal example. My stepson has a mother who is very troubled and has lots of problems. It is frustrating for him, but he has learned to deal with it. I know with absolute certainty he would be much worse off if she killed herself (and she has tried, and threatened to do it, before).
If you have exhausted all options, and you truly need to leave your family, leave, but do not kill their mother. An absent mother with mental illness is much better than a mother who has decided to kill a child's most important relation - their mother. |