In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs

[Anonymous]

not a troll! I am comfortable with this, but the situation is so strange.

Background- joe and I met through friends and were friends with benefits for about a year and a half (casually, he was dating someone and we stopped, etc). We enjoyed each other's company and talking but never dated-- it just wasn't there. I moved away from his city three years ago, but we kept in occasional contact and slept together last a bit over a year ago.

We are both now content in our relationships. We've been dating SO for about 8 months. He mentioned last night his SO has to travel near me in a few months, and we should all get drinks. (His gf, my bf...)

I would be fine with this and have 0 feelings for this guy. I've actually been wondering if we'd ever see each other again. When we chat occasionally it's mostly about politics. Nothing flirty.

So, in any universe would this be okay? We'd have to tell our SO about our history, right? My boyfriend is not the jealous type, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong, even Though I'm really happy this guy is in a relationship, and I think it'd be fun to reconnect with everyone.

(Wondering how many milennial comments im going to get- he and I are 27/28).

[Anonymous]

If he's your friend and you want contact with him, fine. I don't see a problem.

[Anonymous]

By the way, I don't see why you would say anything more than 'my friend Joe is in town.' I don't understand these endless explanations of past history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the way, I don't see why you would say anything more than 'my friend Joe is in town.' I don't understand these endless explanations of past history.

Because if you describe him as your friend, and your SO finds out you two used to sleep together, he is probably going to feel deceived.

If you are introducing this guy to your new SO be aware that it might be fine, or it might stir some shit up. Either way, be honest. It's a good general rule to follow in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the way, I don't see why you would say anything more than 'my friend Joe is in town.' I don't understand these endless explanations of past history.

Because if you describe him as your friend, and your SO finds out you two used to sleep together, he is probably going to feel deceived.

If you are introducing this guy to your new SO be aware that it might be fine, or it might stir some shit up. Either way, be honest. It's a good general rule to follow in life.

OP here. To the second PP - that's exactly how I feel. I don't want to be deceiving in any way. And if he was uncomfortable, I wouldn't see him. I don't think my boyfriend would mind.

I wonder if joes girlfriend would be okay with it though -- I asked him if he'd inform her about our history and at first he didn't think he'd need to because we didn't date. Then I asked how he'd feel if it was her. So he said he'd inform. Haha

[Anonymous]

A foursome is the only real solution to this dilemma.

[Anonymous]

I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.

Seriously - that. The bigger a deal you make it out to be, the more you're gonna tip his antenna. If you think there's some buried drama there, then it's probably your gut telling you that getting together with him and his new SO is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

IF you were both single would you have sex?

If the answer is yes, then keep him out of your new life.
If the answer is no, then a platonic friendship seems reasonable.

The trick is, both of you have to answer no and you may never know his true feelings. Or the inner workings of his current relationship.

I don't know, seems complicated and not worth it. JMO!

[Anonymous]

OP here. To 10:27- maybe. Likely. But I don't want to be single. If I WERE single, I'd probably want to have sex with someone (eventually...)

I see the issue, but not sure this is the fairest measure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.

Every word of this, except that I have a couple more weeks before I turn 43.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.

Every word of this, except that I have a couple more weeks before I turn 43.

OP here. I think this is what I'll do. Tell hm casually dated, never serious, joe can say the same and see if she is comfortable

[Anonymous]

Yuck. No. How do you go from having sex with a guy for a year and a half to being strictly platonic no feelings friends.

Fact is, you two do have a past together. You have memories of this guy and he of you - and you have first hand knowledge of intimate, personal things about each other. I wouldn't be comfortable with hanging out like buddies with a former bed buddy - nope I would not. Could I see them at a party or place of business or a meeting? Sure, whatever. Would I spend time hanging out with them specifically on a social basis, no.

[MikeL]

Anonymous wrote:A foursome is the only real solution to this dilemma.

Absolutely.
All cards on the table, so to speak.

[Anonymous]

Was the sex good with this guy? If it was terrible it makes it even more of a non-issue.