BF meeting a girl he had deep feelings for

[Anonymous]

My friend's bf of 4 months told her that during the thanksgiving break, he will meet up with this girl who was a great friend of us, and one he had deep feelings for even though she was his best friend's girlfriend at the time. Nothing happened, they never dated because of his best friend, and they are now just friends. He has asked her that she can come along when he meets this girl.

Would you be upset?

[Anonymous]

If I was immature insecure dependent and borderline manic depressive yeah...I'd be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's bf of 4 months told her that during the thanksgiving break, he will meet up with this girl who was a great friend of us, and one he had deep feelings for even though she was his best friend's girlfriend at the time. Nothing happened, they never dated because of his best friend, and they are now just friends. He has asked her that she can come along when he meets this girl.

Would you be upset?

I would not be upset if my friend was invited by her boyfriend to meet one of his friends, no.

[Anonymous]

Why is it so important for the BF to meet *this* girl?

I'm not talking about avoiding her like she has the plague.

I'm talking about the BF making a special effort to meet some girl he was crushing on back in the day.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't be upset. There wasn't an intimate relationship, and he is being open and honest. He is trying to merge his new relationship with someone he considers to be a friend. At most he had a crush on her, and he respected them enough to let those feelings pass.

[Anonymous]

Not if he extended the invitation for me to tag along.

He is sending the message that he loves his current lady and has nothing to hide.

In fact he may want her to come along because he is proud of his GF and wants to include her in things he does.

[Anonymous]

suenelson wrote:If the relationship between your friend and her BF is serious, your friend needs to set boundaries. No way he can meet up with some girl he used to have feelings for. No. Way.

If the potential end goal for the relationship is marriage, then BOTH your friend and her BF need to protect the relationship at all costs. That means saying "No" to all other girls/guys that come along, not flirting with disaster, not engaging in "just friends" but I used to crush on them. Protect the relationship with everything you have in you. She needs to put her foot down now. And if it were the other way - your friend was going to go for dinner or lunch with some other dude - her BF should throw the same red flag.

My hubby was friends with his ex before we started dating seriously. He went to her wedding. No feelings on his side anymore. But he's a catch, they dated for many years ever since high school, and she may still have had feelings for him. And she was married. Even if there were no feelings anymore - no way. It's me or her dude. He called her, said "I can't see you or talk to you anymore." - and she totally understood. And it let me know he's committed to me. It wasn't easy to get it through his thick skull, because from his perspective he there was nothing wrong, but he got it and appreciated the boundary setting. Now we've been married for 6+ years, two kiddos, amazing marriage, lots of sex, open communication, never any doubt or worry about another lady or guy being in the picture from either side.

Healthy. Boundaries.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Jesus, how insecure are you? I hope you don't have any male friends, because that would be a double standard wouldn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

suenelson wrote:If the relationship between your friend and her BF is serious, your friend needs to set boundaries. No way he can meet up with some girl he used to have feelings for. No. Way.

If the potential end goal for the relationship is marriage, then BOTH your friend and her BF need to protect the relationship at all costs. That means saying "No" to all other girls/guys that come along, not flirting with disaster, not engaging in "just friends" but I used to crush on them. Protect the relationship with everything you have in you. She needs to put her foot down now. And if it were the other way - your friend was going to go for dinner or lunch with some other dude - her BF should throw the same red flag.

My hubby was friends with his ex before we started dating seriously. He went to her wedding. No feelings on his side anymore. But he's a catch, they dated for many years ever since high school, and she may still have had feelings for him. And she was married. Even if there were no feelings anymore - no way. It's me or her dude. He called her, said "I can't see you or talk to you anymore." - and she totally understood. And it let me know he's committed to me. It wasn't easy to get it through his thick skull, because from his perspective he there was nothing wrong, but he got it and appreciated the boundary setting. Now we've been married for 6+ years, two kiddos, amazing marriage, lots of sex, open communication, never any doubt or worry about another lady or guy being in the picture from either side.

Healthy. Boundaries.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Jesus, how insecure are you? I hope you don't have any male friends, because that would be a double standard wouldn't it?

+1

This is not an example of healthy boundaries. At all.

[Anonymous]

suenelson wrote:If the relationship between your friend and her BF is serious, your friend needs to set boundaries. No way he can meet up with some girl he used to have feelings for. No. Way.

If the potential end goal for the relationship is marriage, then BOTH your friend and her BF need to protect the relationship at all costs. That means saying "No" to all other girls/guys that come along, not flirting with disaster, not engaging in "just friends" but I used to crush on them. Protect the relationship with everything you have in you. She needs to put her foot down now. And if it were the other way - your friend was going to go for dinner or lunch with some other dude - her BF should throw the same red flag.

My hubby was friends with his ex before we started dating seriously. He went to her wedding. No feelings on his side anymore. But he's a catch, they dated for many years ever since high school, and she may still have had feelings for him. And she was married. Even if there were no feelings anymore - no way. It's me or her dude. He called her, said "I can't see you or talk to you anymore." - and she totally understood. And it let me know he's committed to me. It wasn't easy to get it through his thick skull, because from his perspective he there was nothing wrong, but he got it and appreciated the boundary setting. Now we've been married for 6+ years, two kiddos, amazing marriage, lots of sex, open communication, never any doubt or worry about another lady or guy being in the picture from either side.

Healthy. Boundaries.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

STOP ADVERTISING

[Anonymous]

suenelson wrote:If the relationship between your friend and her BF is serious, your friend needs to set boundaries. No way he can meet up with some girl he used to have feelings for. No. Way.

If the potential end goal for the relationship is marriage, then BOTH your friend and her BF need to protect the relationship at all costs. That means saying "No" to all other girls/guys that come along, not flirting with disaster, not engaging in "just friends" but I used to crush on them. Protect the relationship with everything you have in you. She needs to put her foot down now. And if it were the other way - your friend was going to go for dinner or lunch with some other dude - her BF should throw the same red flag.

My hubby was friends with his ex before we started dating seriously. He went to her wedding. No feelings on his side anymore. But he's a catch, they dated for many years ever since high school, and she may still have had feelings for him. And she was married. Even if there were no feelings anymore - no way. It's me or her dude. He called her, said "I can't see you or talk to you anymore." - and she totally understood. And it let me know he's committed to me. It wasn't easy to get it through his thick skull, because from his perspective he there was nothing wrong, but he got it and appreciated the boundary setting. Now we've been married for 6+ years, two kiddos, amazing marriage, lots of sex, open communication, never any doubt or worry about another lady or guy being in the picture from either side.

Healthy. Boundaries.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Why don't you trust your husband? Why are you so insecure?

If a boyfriend insisted that I cut off all contact with male friends I'd cut and run. That behavior is so controlling.

[Anonymous]

suenelson wrote:If the relationship between your friend and her BF is serious, your friend needs to set boundaries. No way he can meet up with some girl he used to have feelings for. No. Way.

If the potential end goal for the relationship is marriage, then BOTH your friend and her BF need to protect the relationship at all costs. That means saying "No" to all other girls/guys that come along, not flirting with disaster, not engaging in "just friends" but I used to crush on them. Protect the relationship with everything you have in you. She needs to put her foot down now. And if it were the other way - your friend was going to go for dinner or lunch with some other dude - her BF should throw the same red flag.

My hubby was friends with his ex before we started dating seriously. He went to her wedding. No feelings on his side anymore. But he's a catch, they dated for many years ever since high school, and she may still have had feelings for him. And she was married. Even if there were no feelings anymore - no way. It's me or her dude. He called her, said "I can't see you or talk to you anymore." - and she totally understood. And it let me know he's committed to me. It wasn't easy to get it through his thick skull, because from his perspective he there was nothing wrong, but he got it and appreciated the boundary setting. Now we've been married for 6+ years, two kiddos, amazing marriage, lots of sex, open communication, never any doubt or worry about another lady or guy being in the picture from either side.

Healthy. Boundaries.

- Sue
My blog: Women and Sexuality

Yeah, we were able to do that without anyone forcing anyone to "break up" with old friends.