People that never marry - What’s their life like?

[Anonymous]

NP here.

Speaking of adopting from foster care -- My best guy friend is single, never married. He always wanted to form his family via adoption from foster care. He saw no point in reproducing. Unfortunateanly all the women he had serious relationships with wanted to reproduce themselves. In the end -- he was about 40 -- he adopted 2 siblings on his own from foster care. He is the.best.dad. in the world Those silly women really lost out.

I would have married him, but I'm lesbian, and married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.

most marriages have a lack of intimacy

Yeah, check out all the responses on the thread about the OP who shared with her husband that she occasionally wants to drop her gum wrapper on the ground. I cannot believe how many people told her she "overshared" with her husband over that. What intimacy is there in those marriages???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chaotic and full of drama, addiction and commitment phobia.

Not in the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

Speaking of adopting from foster care -- My best guy friend is single, never married. He always wanted to form his family via adoption from foster care. He saw no point in reproducing. Unfortunateanly all the women he had serious relationships with wanted to reproduce themselves. In the end -- he was about 40 -- he adopted 2 siblings on his own from foster care. He is the.best.dad. in the world Those silly women really lost out.

I would have married him, but I'm lesbian, and married.

They didn’t lose out anything since he didn’t want to be the father of Their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

Speaking of adopting from foster care -- My best guy friend is single, never married. He always wanted to form his family via adoption from foster care. He saw no point in reproducing. Unfortunateanly all the women he had serious relationships with wanted to reproduce themselves. In the end -- he was about 40 -- he adopted 2 siblings on his own from foster care. He is the.best.dad. in the world Those silly women really lost out.

I would have married him, but I'm lesbian, and married.

They didn’t lose out anything since he didn’t want to be the father of Their kids.

Yeah, I don’t get what they lost out on. He wasn’t willing to parent their children - that’s pretty hard line in the sand. And it’s a little cold.

It sounds like they’re all better off living separate lives.

[Anonymous]

I was not married for many years, not until my late 30s. At some point I finally dropped the idea of seeing marriage as some kind of badge of honor or achievement. Or something that made me "better." I had a long term boyfriend and realized I wanted to build a family with him and for me, marriage was the right way to do it (at the time).

Looking back now, I can't say I was truly unhappy single. Lonely at times, sure. But not chronically lonely. I always had hope that I would find the right person, that what was meant to be would come to be, that life was an adventure and I had some control of it.

There are plenty of things I miss about it but I wouldn't trade my life now for the life I had. I am very glad I experienced being single for so long, though. I think it made me a stronger person who knows I can make it on my own. That is a feeling I would never want to lose. I know women who have never been single, pretty much. Dated from high school thru college and married immediately after college. Being part of a couple is all they know. They can hardly recall their left hand without a wedding band on it.

I think about some of my older female relatives who passed away long ago. They all married young and then suddenly, as often happens, their husbands died in their 60s and 70s and there they were, old ladies all alone, paying rent themselves, for the first time in 40, 50 years. I was often in awe of their strength, their ability to move on, be single, embrace their remaining years with good friends.

[Anonymous]

I'm not married and have no kids. I suppose sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's lonely. I don't have many friends, and don't have any good friends, or a best friend.

There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.

It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.

People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.

There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.

There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married and have no kids. I suppose sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's lonely. I don't have many friends, and don't have any good friends, or a best friend.

There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.

It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.

People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.

There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.

There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.

I could have written so much of this post, except I like (prefer) to travel alone. The financial aspect and lack of companionship are probably the hardest. The lack of companionship has only become noticeable to me in the last year or so---I was always fine on my own, but over the last year or so I've started to think how nice it would be to have "a person", someone to come home to and to share life with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.

most marriages have a lack of intimacy

Amen. It is soul-crushing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a lot of wonderful people. The issue is how to find each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not married and have no kids. I suppose sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's lonely. I don't have many friends, and don't have any good friends, or a best friend.

There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.

It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.

People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.

There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.

There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.

I’m the PP in her 50s who has never married. I can relate to so much of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!

They share a bedroom!? I’m sorry, but that’s freaking weird.

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced with kids but have been single for over a decade. I can relate to the lonely PP but mostly, I wonder if there is something wrong with me which is the reason I never had any more luck with men. I don’t date anymore.

[Anonymous]

I'm 47 with an 11 year old daughter. My husband died suddenly 20 months ago after 18 years of a happy marriage. I often wonder what life will be like for me down the road. Right now, I have my career and my daughter to keep me busy. I have been on a few dates, but they weren't great and neither guy compared to my husband. I know that I shouldn't compare and perhaps I'm just not ready to date yet, but I miss intimacy and companionship. I don't know if I will ever find another partner again and it makes me sad to think about it. But, I can't dwell on it and I'll have to find things to make my own life interesting and happy. It is really difficult to go from a happy marriage and family to nothing in the blink of an eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!

They share a bedroom!? I’m sorry, but that’s freaking weird.

I know. But they’re such wonderful people otherwise that I can get it a pass