Advice for leaving 2 year old for 6 day vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these people who are saying - what's wrong with a weekend getaway? Well...what is wrong with a 6 day getaway?

Do people really think the child is going to be fine if left with a beloved caregiver for - say - 3 days, but not if left for 6 days? Ummm...okay.

If OP and her husband need a break, and have decided that they are going to go on a vacation for 6 days, more power to them. Their child will be fine. Even if he/she misses them a bit, the child WILL.BE.FINE.

That said, I do think OP that you may need to let go of this guilt/anxiety before you go, or you will end up resentful and do more harm for your marriage than good. I also think that if you've gotten to this point with your DH, then you probably need to think about whether you'd benefit more from counselling, regular date nights, etc.

I'm also a working mom, and a mother of 3 relatively young kids (6 and under). My DH and I have gone on a couple of 4 day breaks, and I think we'd definitely go on a 6 day one as well now that the youngest is almost 2. But there is no point in going if you are going to feel horrible the whole trip.

I'm a PP and I'm not saying anything is wrong with a 6-day trip. I'm saying I think Carolyn Hax is right on in suggesting that one 6-day trip isn't a panacea. Making changes in the day-to-day routine in order to ease stress is probably more important in the long run.

[Anonymous]

No one is suggesting that a 6 day trip is a panacea. 6 days is a vacation. A vacation is often much needed. Especially if you haven't been away from your child since he/she was born. It helps you gain perspective. It took me about 2 days to learn to unwind and not wake up in a frenzy wondering where my child was. Its just the bare minimum amount of time to actually get to rest and enjoy yourself. A weekend for me wouldn't really have cut it. Espeically since I didn't want to go to charlottesville for the weekend. But an actual vacation destination I might not be able to do for many years with kids (read: european city vacation).

6 days is nothing. Don't listen to the haters. Everyone does it, contrary to the 1 or 2 trolls who appear to be posting negativity.

[Anonymous]

Since it's clear that OP is leaving her child with a familiar caregiver and in familier surroundings, what are people so troubled by? Let's say all the naysayers have a point - that a six day trip is too long to leave a 2 year old, that it will be too hard on the child. Well, what's the big deal with that? The kid is 2! Even if it is hard on him, when mommmy and daddy come back, he's gonna forget about it and move on. For all the angst and guilt we inflict on ourselves over this stuff, it seems to me that after the separation has ended, the child goes back to life as normal. I remember when I was 3, due to some health problems with my mom, I was shipped off to my aunt's house for 2 weeks. I still remember it probably because I didn't particularly like it, and I hear that I had a hard time. But you know what? Mommy and daddy came back and everything was hunky dory again. No long-term, damaging consequences. In talking about it with my mom as an adult, she said she was so worried and felt so guilty about having to leave me and it took her a while to get over it. On the other hand, she could see that I was upset about the whole thing for about a day, and after that it was like I had forgotten about it. So I guess my point is, the worst case scenario is that your kid is unhappy for a few days. Are we really to the point where we deny ourselves much-needed vacations to avoid even the possibility of our kids being unhappy for a few days?

[Anonymous]

I think several of the people who are posting on here negatively maybe jealous that either 1) their DHs do not want to go away with them for a 6 day get away or 2) they don't have the money.

Sorry!

Some of us actually can afford and have spouses who want to spend time alone with their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think several of the people who are posting on here negatively maybe jealous that either 1) their DHs do not want to go away with them for a 6 day get away or 2) they don't have the money.

Sorry!

Some of us actually can afford and have spouses who want to spend time alone with their wives.

Seriously? Please see the mean girls thread for a depiction of...yourself. People are just different and comfortable with different things. Please stop attacking those who think differently. My husband and I never leave (together) for more than 2 days and our kids are fine. My next door neighbors leave for 10 days at a time once a year and their kids are fine. You, however, still clearly need a lot of assistance growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think several of the people who are posting on here negatively maybe jealous that either 1) their DHs do not want to go away with them for a 6 day get away or 2) they don't have the money.

Sorry!

Some of us actually can afford and have spouses who want to spend time alone with their wives.

Seriously? Please see the mean girls thread for a depiction of...yourself. People are just different and comfortable with different things. Please stop attacking those who think differently. My husband and I never leave (together) for more than 2 days and our kids are fine. My next door neighbors leave for 10 days at a time once a year and their kids are fine. You, however, still clearly need a lot of assistance growing up.

NP here, but what you said can be said for the pp's getting on OP for leaving her child for the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think several of the people who are posting on here negatively maybe jealous that either 1) their DHs do not want to go away with them for a 6 day get away or 2) they don't have the money.

Sorry!

Some of us actually can afford and have spouses who want to spend time alone with their wives.

Seriously? Please see the mean girls thread for a depiction of...yourself. People are just different and comfortable with different things. Please stop attacking those who think differently. My husband and I never leave (together) for more than 2 days and our kids are fine. My next door neighbors leave for 10 days at a time once a year and their kids are fine. You, however, still clearly need a lot of assistance growing up.

NP here, but what you said can be said for the pp's getting on OP for leaving her child for the trip.

Plurals don't require apostrophe, Ms. Semantics.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier- a non-snarky post, since I did this same exact thing a year ago with my then 2 year old. It was great. Just yesterday we got home from a week-long trip out west WITH our 3 year old DS. Five hour flight each way, four hour drive to rental house each way, lots of driving once we got there- kid was a trooper, but I was up with him at 4:30 AM pretty much every day, still had to do all of my regular "chores" (like laundry, meals, etc.)-- and when we came home, all I could think about how wonderful that trip was last year with DH, alone, at the pool while DS bonded with his fabulous grandma and grandpa.

Leaving kid with a random babysitter? Not a good idea. With normal caretaker whom she is used to? Fabulous. Enjoy yourself. Get some R&R.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think several of the people who are posting on here negatively maybe jealous that either 1) their DHs do not want to go away with them for a 6 day get away or 2) they don't have the money.

Sorry!

Some of us actually can afford and have spouses who want to spend time alone with their wives.

Seriously? Please see the mean girls thread for a depiction of...yourself. People are just different and comfortable with different things. Please stop attacking those who think differently. My husband and I never leave (together) for more than 2 days and our kids are fine. My next door neighbors leave for 10 days at a time once a year and their kids are fine. You, however, still clearly need a lot of assistance growing up.

NP here, but what you said can be said for the pp's getting on OP for leaving her child for the trip.

Exactly. There was no solicitation of advice for WHETHER we should go. So if people want to snark on OP and give unsolicited criticism, they are fair game. Attack away in my opinion. Please see the "stay on point and answer the question posted" thread.

[Anonymous]

I'm about to leave my 3 year old for 5 days with grandma. we are treating it like a special treat and big adventure for him so he's exciting. we will leave some special movies and activities for him to enjoy with grandma and also probably loosen the rules--like he can have dessert and chocolate milk with grandma etc. we will call every night to say goodnight, but I think he'll be fine. have fun!

[Anonymous]

OP - Ignore the negative posts and take your vacation. It's easy to be smug and judgmental when posting anonymously. There is nothing wrong with taking a break. We're talking about six days here, not sending your 2 year old off to boarding school! Do what works for you, just because you're a parent doesn't mean you have to be a martyr. You and your DH deserve to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have Skype?

No no no no no! This is terrible for a 2 year old and will surely lead to tears. They can't understand and will desperately want/need you to come out of the computer or phone. I have to travel for work and learned through much trial and error that about 5 is the youngest to contact kids when away. Out of sight, out of mind is by far the best approach for younger children.

I think this varies by child. We Skyped 2 yo DS while we were on a 4 day vacation (and he was with grandparents) and he happily waved, babbled stories at us, and then wandered away back to his toys. I also Skype him from occasional nights away on business and he says hi and is curious to see out my hotel window. Contacting him this way has never made him upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice except to say that since this is DCUM, I feel free to say that I do actually think you are terrible to leave your 2 year old for 6 days. You really didn't need to do a 6 day vacation. And one vacation isn't going to save your marriage. You'd be better off doing an hour of marriage counseling a week.

Yeah, it's terrible for parents to work to strengthen their marriage in the way they feel is best! Awful! How terrible.

I'd rather have a mom that spent six days away from me with my dad, than a mom that trolled the internet trying to make people feel terrible for stupid reasons. If you were my mom, I'd be embarrassed and ashamed. I am going to go hug my mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, please ignore all the crazy "you should never be away from your child for a moment/you are selfish and a bad mother for doing so" posters. Your marriage is important. Your mental health is important. Both of these also affect your child. Taking a much needed break is better for everyone in your family. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Wow- sorry OP that you have to wade through all that judgment. We've taken said trip twice now. Once for a baby moon when dd was 2 and then again when dd was 3 and little one was 10 months. Both trips were incredible and desperately needed. My parents flew in to watch the kids and loved it both times. They said it was a great bonding experience and that they really had an opportunity to learn about our little ones without us in the way. My mom felt bad because she said that the dd never asked where we were. People used to do this stuff a lot. When I was little, my parents used to take a vacation and we'd stay with my aunt and then cousins would stay with us. I work FT as does my husband. I love my kids to death but now is the time to take that trip without them. They don't miss you and they don't have the desire to go with you. We bemoan the fact that this coming year (we do the Caribbean in February) will probably be our last year because then we'll probably be saving for Disney or something. I don't know though, hopefully we can manage to work it in every other year. Do it. Reconnect. If you are in a good place so much the better for your little one.