Dislike DS’s GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL grew up missing her busy mom, she has a STEM degree and had a well paying job but she gave that up to be a SAHM. It was between her and my brother. It never occurred to any of us to see it as our problem. It would've been serious invasion of privacy. Her daughter is a PhD professor, son is a scientist and DIL is a medical doctor. One of the happiest family we know.

You can't see how that's different from OP's scenario?

Is it really that different though? Maybe this girl is just more honest about her intentions?

NP- It's not remotely the same as working ft and then sah with children once you have children. This girl is a stay at home daughter. What does she even do all day?!

[Anonymous]

Yeah she's a dud OP. Fine to think it. Fine to figure out how to say it. Choosing to stay home later with kids is one thing but no career at the start (or ambition or movement toward one) is just boring and it means you have nothing to fall back on later, ie re-entering the workforce if and when it's needed. If your son is the sole breadwinner and only one even capable of being an earner, that's a lot of stress and potential instability over time. Who knows what the future holds for his field and career. What if he wants to quit the stable job and join a startup or have a gap at some point? It's fine to point this out.

[Anonymous]

Your son sounds like a guy who has his act together. Not many young men have a useful degree, a well paying career, a place of their own and a nice girlfriend he intends to marry in a couple of years. If he was one of the failure to launch types, it would make sense to want a girl who can finance his life.

[Anonymous]

OP have you asked her what she aspires to do?

In other words have you tried to get to know her?

The economy isn't good for kids to get jobs right now. Maybe she is looking but hasn't found anything.

[Anonymous]

Find a way to like her. She doesn't need to have your life. If you don't find a way, they will cut you out. So what if she doesn't have a career? Those are important to you, not them. Maybe he'd prefer a SAHM to having his kids raised by a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL grew up missing her busy mom, she has a STEM degree and had a well paying job but she gave that up to be a SAHM. It was between her and my brother. It never occurred to any of us to see it as our problem. It would've been serious invasion of privacy. Her daughter is a PhD professor, son is a scientist and DIL is a medical doctor. One of the happiest family we know.

You can't see how that's different from OP's scenario?

Is it really that different though? Maybe this girl is just more honest about her intentions?

Op did not mention the girl wanting to be a mother. Lots of girls hoping for a man to finance their soft girl lifestyle and they aren't looking to change diapers and wipe up toddler spills.

Neither op nor you know this young woman. Why u would think negatively is really shamefull

[Anonymous]

She is young, too early for you to judge her life's trajectory. However, she isn't his college sweetheart, just someone he met online last year, he needs to live with her for a year to see if they are compatible before popping the question. However, you need to stay out of it as finding a good match isn't easy for tech bros, you don't want to be responsible for his heartbreak or loneliness.

[Anonymous]

Staying in mom's basement at 24 with no job sounds like a loser or someone with mental health issues. In either case I would not want my DD with a career and bright future to be saddled with dead beat BF. (I know I reversed genders to make it more relatable)

[Anonymous]

Your son could do so much worse, OP.

[Anonymous]

Imagine if she had two kids AND was living with her parents AND had not job. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if she had two kids AND was living with her parents AND had not job. 😂

+1

It could be a lot worse. You said she was sweet, attractive, apparently has a good relationship with her family, and she has a college degree. No other negative things mentioned. Yes it is weird that she doesn’t work, but there are a lot of worse things I can think of (especially at her age).

[Anonymous]

That girl (and all people) need to get a job. Everyone needs to understand and appreciate the value of work. and the link between work and money earned that you use to pay bills and live life.
Entitled, non-workers often feel like others should take care of them and have little appreciation for the effort needed to maintain a good job to pay bills.

This could end up with her being a "unfulfilled" 40 year old mom who leaves for an affair because she just doesn't appreciate her breadwinner husband.
I'm in this situation as the breadwinner mom with a manchild exhusband who values his mistress over all the sacrifices I've made for our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That girl (and all people) need to get a job. Everyone needs to understand and appreciate the value of work. and the link between work and money earned that you use to pay bills and live life.
Entitled, non-workers often feel like others should take care of them and have little appreciation for the effort needed to maintain a good job to pay bills.

This could end up with her being a "unfulfilled" 40 year old mom who leaves for an affair because she just doesn't appreciate her breadwinner husband.
I'm in this situation as the breadwinner mom with a manchild exhusband who values his mistress over all the sacrifices I've made for our family

to clarify- it is totally fine and good to become a SAHM, AFTER you have experienced the work world and understand/appreciate workers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

Personally I am fine with my kids having a SAHM so I don't really see the issue. At least she went to college. I don't think there is anything to say.

Most are "fine with our kids having a SAHP", I was one since my early 30s. However, I had a career until we had kids. That is very different than sitting around doing nothing at age 22+ once out of college.
also, yes, I manage the house 100% (my spouse has no clue how to fix things or who to call). But she should at least have an art studio (to be painting/drawing and trying to sell her work or teaching it to kids/others). I do think wanting to "do nothing at 24/25" is a very strange thing

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel OP.

I am also underwhelmed by my DD’s boyfriend (ie, his personality, health habits, dysfunctional family), but we do not get a vote.

It is really hard.