What is appropriate notice for a family wedding?

[Anonymous]

They are in their 40's and want to have kids. An almost impossible task. No wedding plans or various wedding dates are anywhere near as important as getting-on-with-it and trying NOW to get pregnant. At least not doing anything to prevent it. Everything else, all talk of wedding minutia is so insignificant.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they don’t want children.

[Anonymous]

OP is presenting the details. All we can do is go by what she says

[Anonymous]

If they are so old that they are infertile due to age, they are so old that Op has no role here. No role, in wedding planning, at all.

[Anonymous]

The only essential people are the bride, the groom and the officiant. Don’t meddle.

[Anonymous]

This is plenty of notice. You are being crazy. They're right not tow with until 2027. If her godmother can't make it, it's understandable and okay.

[Anonymous]

6 months is totally fine!

If some family members can’t make it that’s okay. Support the bride and her choices.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of notice, especially for old people. No offense but it’s true.

[Anonymous]

The wedding industry has gone off the rails if people think 7 months is insufficient notice. I honestly can’t understand why a couple would get engaged and want to wait 18 months to get married. That’s what would be nuts.

[Anonymous]

A 45yo does not need a shower!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send the save the date asap and you are fine. I think I have received save the dates up to 9 months in advance- 7 isn't terrible. Your daughter has a very good reason for getting married this summer and her family should be thrilled for her. I can't imagine your child who lives overseas would expect the wedding to be planned around when they last traveled here.

Agree with this.

I think wedding dates only need to be set around the nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wedding industry has gone off the rails if people think 7 months is insufficient notice. I honestly can’t understand why a couple would get engaged and want to wait 18 months to get married. That’s what would be nuts.

Eh I don't think it's uncommon among younger people who aren't in a hurry. e.g. my cousin got engaged a year ago and their wedding is next summer- but both cousin and fiance are teachers and wanted it in our hometown so it narrowed their options. Anyway I don't think 6-7 months is nuts either but plenty of people have longer engagements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 45yo does not need a shower!

No one "needs" a shower. But if the bride wants one and someone wants to throw one for her, why not? It's a nice thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are in their 40s and want kids and aren't trying until aftr they are married, they need to get married ASAP. I don't know how far into their 40s, your DD is but fertility only heads in one direction as you age.

You seem to be focused on all the wrong things - them getting married is far more important than the venue or other material things. It isn't their resonsiblity to plan their wedding around their siblings international vacation schedule. And if people can't come because they can't make travel plans in 6 months, then they can't come but most people can arrange travel in that amount of time.

Showers are a bit passe - especially for 40 year olds. Showers were about making sure young adults who were about to get married had the basics to live independently. She and her partner probably will have too much stuff together vs not enough.

You don't get a say. Your priorities for this wedding are completely different than your daughters.

She's 45 so I recognize time is of the essence. Maybe she won't want a shower, they cohabitate and have a lot of stuff, but we had a shower for other DD and DIL so it only seems fair. Showers are always well attended by the aunts and cousins and lots of fun. I don't want to deny her that because she's older when getting married.

My other DC isn't going on an international vacaction, they are in the military. I'm nervous they won't be able to come or won't be able to bring their kids. But whoever said I need to let DD handle the communication has a good point.

They could just go to the courthouse and start trying tomorrow? At 45 I wouldn't wait even 7 months but YMMV.

I'd say plan the wedding for 7 months from now but start trying to get pregnant TODAY. Nobody is going to think it is super scandalous if a 45 year old is pregnant at her wedding. And there is a good chance she won't be (yet?) anyway.

[Anonymous]

First, wait for your daughter and her fiance to decide on a date. Then help call family and let them know the plan.

Take the money you would spend on a big wedding and give it to the couple to use for fertility treatments. They will need it. Reserve some money to pay for your overseas child’s tickets home. They will appreciate it.

If you really are caught up in the idea of a bridal shower (which you, as MOB should not host anyway), offer to host a “ladies’ tea” or similar party the Thursday before the wedding. No gifts, just a chance to get together with girlfriends, aunts, etc. for celebration and good wishes. (Make sure you send these invites early, before people make travel plans.)