37 year old son unemployed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses here are a bit cruel. The current job market is rough. I would suggest that your DS look for some kind of project work that can cover for any resume gaps while hitting as many informational interviews as possible to explore possibilities. Something will come up and things will turn around for him. You are a good, supportive parent.

How tough is the job market? My law firm is hiring both staff and attorneys. They always have at least a dozen different job openings on their website. I am constantly getting recruiters telling me about job openings that I can verify on the company's website.

[Anonymous]

I am glad his ex wife got away from this loser and I hope she gets married to someone great soon so she can still have kids.

You sound like a nightmare MIL.

And wtf did he think he would do with a masters in European studies??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He has a masters degree from Georgetown and wanted to go to one of the Fed agencies. He was not able to get in and has been trying different things. Most recently he attempted self employment and became discouraged when his work dried up. He was also in an abusive marriage where his wife was upset with him for lot being ready to have children which also brought him down I think.

He feels very depressed and doesn’t know how to obtain gainful employment and thinks he is too old now.

No one is too old to work. My boyfriend is working at age 69. Plenty of people work in their 70's and 80's.

[Anonymous]

Temp agency will get him working somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

Are you a troll????? Or the loser 37 year old?

[Anonymous]

My fil is 82 and works full time at the post office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP - You are at a crossroads - how to help your adult son take uncomfortable steps to move forward and not enable your adult sun to sit and stew about life's hard luck turns!

Health Insurance
- Get a clear idea of whether you son has health insurance or not. If you can afford it, the one thing I would do is to see that he gets enrolled in the most appropriate health insurance coverage. Why - because he is going to need health insurance to cover improved health care.

Health Evaluation
- Set up a full physical with a doctor (yhour PCP if necessary) to rule out any possible physical ailment.
- Set up an evaluation with a psychiatrist to get a mental health evaluation with the clear expectation that DS will take any medication advised to help manage any diagnosed condition.
- While therapy may also be necessary, if funds are limited, then I would go for the mental health evaluation and medication management as that process in time should make DS benefit from realistic therapy if his underlying conditions are being handled.
- On Counseling that might be affordable, as his view of himself does seem to be related to career failure at age 37, perhaps look at area Community College and other public Career Services to see if there is any sort of FREE testing, job assessments and even group career counseling sessions available.

Employment
- Refer him to the local Career Center to use any resources there on a review of his resume, job search information techniques, networking events etc.
-Update or setup a Linked In page.
- Have him check out any Career Resources which might be available through Georgetown University for alumni
- Based upon his skills sets see what jobs might be available and evaluate what he can handle right now - may be part-time would be best if he had the time to get to any counseling sessions et.
- Otherwise, he is to go out an make a connection to a volunteer agency -- Habitat for Humanity could be ideal with the option of physical jobs of all sorts!

Daily Living Routine
- He absolutely should have a daily schedule set up with you to be up an out doing something - medical appointments, job related activities, a volunteer job and daily physical fitness activities.
- Be clear on the daily tasks in your home that he will be expected to do - laundry, room/bath upkeep, meal preparation, yard work - not to replace not having a job, but to be an adult in the household for a time.

Your Financial Support
- There should be a clear idea of what financial support you are willing (and able) to provide and for how long if he take the appropriate steps to move himself along, too. This can't be a time of "finding himself" because the longer he remains unemployed, likely the harder it will be to change his job status.
- Help him to set up a budget including charging him a percentage of his income for rent (hopefully to save for a future deposit on an apartment)
- Also to get an evaluation of his credit record and how to improve it if low.

You may need to get a therapist who can help you deal with this specific issue and be ready to set limits on how to help, but not enable your adult son and possibly your own financial situation. Also a local group NAMI may well be a resource to understand how a mental illness can impact an adult child and the parent(s) trying to help one.

You also need a job.

[Anonymous]

The career center at GT and his undergrad also may be able to help. Can you afford to send him for something like phlebotomist or CNA training?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses here are a bit cruel. The current job market is rough. I would suggest that your DS look for some kind of project work that can cover for any resume gaps while hitting as many informational interviews as possible to explore possibilities. Something will come up and things will turn around for him. You are a good, supportive parent.

Resoundingly agree about the responses.
Another thought is how about a temporary employment agency? As far as I know, temporary agencies have assignments that are a variety of different time frames, and different types of assignments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

Oy vey. The excuses and lines of BS he's feeding you. And you're enabling it

Yesssss This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses here are a bit cruel. The current job market is rough. I would suggest that your DS look for some kind of project work that can cover for any resume gaps while hitting as many informational interviews as possible to explore possibilities. Something will come up and things will turn around for him. You are a good, supportive parent.

Resoundingly agree about the responses.
Another thought is how about a temporary employment agency? As far as I know, temporary agencies have assignments that are a variety of different time frames, and different types of assignments.

The responses aren’t cruel, they’re realistic.

At 37, he’s almost middle-aged. Making excuses for his lack of interest in establishing his own life as an adult will not help him get on track.

It’s his job to figure out because it’s his life.

Mom (& Dad?) need to wish him well and step out of the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

The longer he waits, the more unemployable he becomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses here are a bit cruel. The current job market is rough. I would suggest that your DS look for some kind of project work that can cover for any resume gaps while hitting as many informational interviews as possible to explore possibilities. Something will come up and things will turn around for him. You are a good, supportive parent.

Resoundingly agree about the responses.
Another thought is how about a temporary employment agency? As far as I know, temporary agencies have assignments that are a variety of different time frames, and different types of assignments.

The responses aren’t cruel, they’re realistic.

At 37, he’s almost middle-aged. Making excuses for his lack of interest in establishing his own life as an adult will not help him get on track.

It’s his job to figure out because it’s his life.

Mom (& Dad?) need to wish him well and step out of the way.
At 37 he is middle aged, but some of the comments in response to this parent who is seeking support and suggestions are in fact quite awful. None of those are reading and responding really know the entire situation. I don’t agree that wishing him well and stepping out of the way are going to help him.
The parents can be available, supportive and encouraging, without enabling him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses here are a bit cruel. The current job market is rough. I would suggest that your DS look for some kind of project work that can cover for any resume gaps while hitting as many informational interviews as possible to explore possibilities. Something will come up and things will turn around for him. You are a good, supportive parent.

Resoundingly agree about the responses.
Another thought is how about a temporary employment agency? As far as I know, temporary agencies have assignments that are a variety of different time frames, and different types of assignments.

The responses aren’t cruel, they’re realistic.

At 37, he’s almost middle-aged. Making excuses for his lack of interest in establishing his own life as an adult will not help him get on track.

It’s his job to figure out because it’s his life.

Mom (& Dad?) need to wish him well and step out of the way.

At 37 he is middle aged, but some of the comments in response to this parent who is seeking support and suggestions are in fact quite awful. None of those are reading and responding really know the entire situation. I don’t agree that wishing him well and stepping out of the way are going to help him.
The parents can be available, supportive and encouraging, without enabling him.

OP is already being available, supportive, and encouraging.

Most teenagers have more responsibilities than OP’s son currently does. They can’t undo the choices he has made for himself, but they can set limits and stop supporting him in his quest to retreat from the world.

They can be kind while doing so, whether he receives it that way or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs medication and therapy

+1

Part of the deal to live with us/have us help with rent elsewhere would be he must see a doctor and get the therapy (and possibly meds) needed to get back on track. I'd also pay for a career coach/EF coach to add to the help

If he didn't agree to that (and follow thru---I'd help) then I would have to let him hit rock bottom.