Tired of "playdates" and getting together with other families

[Anonymous]

Tell your children "no" then. No one is forcing you to arrange playdates.
If any of your children ask for a playdate, tell that child that she can play with her sisters.
Repeat.
Problem solved.

(Also, why is the parent staying for the playdate? When I was 7 and older, I got dropped off for playdates, and my friends too. No parent stayed, unless the parent already was a close friend of my parents.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say no. I don’t understand. If you don’t want to do something then say no.

+1 You presumably are above the age of 18. No one is forcing you to host anything, which you are clearly choosing to do if you're complaining that it's a lot of work to have these kids over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being really anti social if you deprive your kids of play dates. Learning to engage and gasp even make friends is a core skill and they need those opportunities both inside school and outside. You would be conveying to your kids that it’s ok to be hermits and insular only playing amongst siblings. Don’t be selfish just because you are anti social

That's not true. It's often the parents of only children or those who have kids widely spaced apart in terms of ages that push playdates. Kids are in school 40 hours a week--it's not 'essential' that they have play dates, particularly if they're in extracurricular activities after school and on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Playdates only came about because parents are too scared to let kids out of their sight. Kids need way more than just school, aftercare and activities.

[Anonymous]

I think it all depends on the kid - I came from a family of four who loved playing with each other, and I still spent almost every day after school with my best friend. My sister, on the other hand, is very introverted and her social needs were by a large met by our friendship as sisters and one friend who visited occasionally. Our kids are similar, one of them spends at least three days a week with his best friends, the other likes to be alone and play or read.

I wouldn’t worry too much about socializing at that age, unfortunately by middle school the kids who were not properly socialized are so behind that it requires significantly more intervention than a few playdates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids who are also close in age and I find it annoying when parents of single kids want to get together for playdates - I admit it.

I esp feel annoyed when I have to take them back and forth, or go back and forth via text about transportation or times, etc. It's much easier for me and I am not really sure I see too much of an added value

Bummer that it’s such a hassle for you, but on the bright side, those single-kid families are already doing their part for the planet. Lower carbon footprint today, cleaner air for your three and their three and so on tomorrow!

[Anonymous]

You don't like playdates.
None of your daughters like playdates.
So, it's not a problem really?
No playdates from now on.

[Anonymous]

Very weird and antisocia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very weird and antisocia

What’s antisocia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very weird and antisocia

What’s antisocia?

Yeah that's totally confusing. No idea, no context, I'm stumped...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I think all of you agreeing with OP are odd and I can’t help but wonder if it’s related to the many many posts from lonely women who can’t make friends in this area. No, it is not normal for families to only socialize with one another.

100% agreed. I'm guessing the other lonely women who posted about struggling to make friends have run into someone like OP, who has no bandwidth for interaction outside of her kids and spouse.

This. I have noticed this in our neighborhood and at our school. Some families just don't have time and aren't interested in other families. Often they are people who have extensive local family networks, so grandparents are over all the time or kids are over at cousins and they turn down all invites and view school social events as an imposition.

You have to learn to just let it go and not take it personally. It's a bummer when your kids wants to be friends with kids in a family like this and you discover you are just never going to be able to get them together outside of school. But it's a lesson for your kids too -- sometimes a person is just a situational friend and you don't see them outside a certain setting. And also sometimes friendships don't happen just for logistical reasons and no one is at fault and no on is being rejected. It's useful to learn this early because it will happen a lot as an adult.

Growing up my family was like this. We only hung out with my cousins and my mom had her sister and SIL so she didn't need any other friends.
Now we are spread out all over the world and I'm dying to make friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age does this "playdate" stuff stop? I have 10 year old twin girls and a 7 year old daughter and they prefer to be each other's playmates. Noticed whenever we have playdates someone gets left out or the parent ends up staying and I have to entertain. It ends up being more work for me which I don't enjoy since I work a very high stress job and do not have much free time. I also don't enjoy meeting up with other families because we have to be accommodating and we miss out on certain things that our kids want to do.

Am I weird for thinking/feeling this way? I feel like people are always out and about together, but this time I have with my kids is so short, I just want to spend it with my husband and kids. What's a nice way to say no?

Thanks for letting me be weird and vent.

Your family is normal. A lot of this play date stuff is driven by parents of only children who kind of have to do it all the time or their kids get bored. You can decline most of the time without feeling guilty or do things at a park or public place.

This. One of my kids is frequently requested as the play date to amuse her only child friends. I say yes some of the time but not all of the time. My kids play really well together and the other kid gets upset when sister is gone (and it sucks for me because then I have to entertain the left behind kid).

Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very weird and antisocia

What’s antisocia?

Yeah that's totally confusing. No idea, no context, I'm stumped...

Well, if you are going to call someone weird and antisocia, at least spell it correctly.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I work full time and my kids are in aftercare during the week so we don't have tons of playdates, but I actually enjoy the dynamic when one kid is out at someone's house and the other has a friend over. My kids are very close as playmates with each other but the play is obviously totally different when it's with a peer. I especially love seeing my son play with his friends bc he otherwise tends to defer somewhat to his older sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age does this "playdate" stuff stop? I have 10 year old twin girls and a 7 year old daughter and they prefer to be each other's playmates. Noticed whenever we have playdates someone gets left out or the parent ends up staying and I have to entertain. It ends up being more work for me which I don't enjoy since I work a very high stress job and do not have much free time. I also don't enjoy meeting up with other families because we have to be accommodating and we miss out on certain things that our kids want to do.

Am I weird for thinking/feeling this way? I feel like people are always out and about together, but this time I have with my kids is so short, I just want to spend it with my husband and kids. What's a nice way to say no?

Thanks for letting me be weird and vent.

Your family is normal. A lot of this play date stuff is driven by parents of only children who kind of have to do it all the time or their kids get bored. You can decline most of the time without feeling guilty or do things at a park or public place.

This. One of my kids is frequently requested as the play date to amuse her only child friends. I say yes some of the time but not all of the time. My kids play really well together and the other kid gets upset when sister is gone (and it sucks for me because then I have to entertain the left behind kid).

Ridiculous.

+1 And nuts that the PP doesn't hear how her posts sounds.

Also, in my circle/area most families do playdates; it's not limited or more prevalent at all in families of only children. It's everyone. If OP or others don't have the bandwidth to allow their children to socialize, or for themselves to socialize, outside the family, then that sucks. If it's "normal", then that is sad.

(But, OP, I will say that all our ES playdates are drop off. It's unusual to hear that yours are not. It would be a PITA to have to entertain random parents that are not my friends or hang around at the host's home while my kids have playdates.) But again, that's not what happens around here. I actually find that playdates can be helpful -- I drop off a kid, or if I'm hosting, the kids are happily playing and need very little from me.

Often times both of my kids will not have a playdate at the same time. It's good for the other kid to learn how to entertain themselves -- go curl up on the couch and read a book, jeez!