Family wedding (no kids) - Should we both attend or just DH while I stay home with our kids?

[Anonymous]

why is this thread 4 pages long? lolz

[Anonymous]

I can't tell how much OP wants to go to the wedding vs. feels obligated to go.

I would lean toward sending your husband alone. I agree that the no-kids rule is intentional, to keep costs from skyrocketing. No one will be mad that you didn't come. They're probably guessing that you won't.

However, I totally agree, if you REALLY want to go to this wedding, hire a sitter in your hometown and enjoy a weekend away with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

Nope. In the U.S., the average number of children under 18 per family was 1.94 in 2023, a decrease from 2.33 in 1960. You had more than double the average number of kids. You had a huge family, are bad at math, and seem dim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Much simpler for him to go alone. When people exclude kids from weddings, they should understand that it may impact which adults can attend.

Yep they are indifferent to guests attending. Go if you personally want to but feel absolutely no obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

Hang on a second. If the person getting married is OP's nephew, then aren't OP's kids the nephew's cousins? Maybe they have never met but it's not like these are distant relatives...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

But it's ok if a family with 2 kids (assuming approx. the same age) she's never met are taking up 1/3 of a round table?
Yeah, the couple can choose to invite or exclude whoever they want because it's their wedding, but to not invite someone because they have more siblings than their cousins do is just rude.
That doesn't appear to be the case in OP's situation though. OP said it's a 21+ wedding.

Where are you getting this from?

[Anonymous]

No kids is a given.
Only ? are
DH not go
DH go alone
DH and OP go drag kids and and use wedding area babysitters
DH and OP go leave kids home with home area sitters

OP should go if she really wants to. If not, polite decline.

[Anonymous]

My cousin revealed to me that making her wedding 21+ saved them tens of thousands in venue insurance. I guess the combination of serving alcohol + kids is expensive. I do think that's understandable.

[Anonymous]

BTW the outrage over kids not invited is a post boomer thing for sure.
Back in the 1990s people used to leave kids home and go to Hawaii ffs.

[Anonymous]

How about this. Assuming your kids are really well-behaved, you want to bring them on your trip, and you have a calm enough family to negotiate a little beyond the boundaries of standard etiquette.

Why not reach out to the bride and ask if your well-behaved children may attend the wedding only. Your whole family goes to the wedding.

Then only one parent attends the reception while the other parent watches the children.

The point of the day is actually to witness the wedding. Not to get a free meal or have a date to dance with, although those are courtesies.

I'm sure some people will flame about this. But just wanted to raise it. I have seen two variants of this strategy work well at times with no hard feelings on any side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about this. Assuming your kids are really well-behaved, you want to bring them on your trip, and you have a calm enough family to negotiate a little beyond the boundaries of standard etiquette.

Why not reach out to the bride and ask if your well-behaved children may attend the wedding only. Your whole family goes to the wedding.

Then only one parent attends the reception while the other parent watches the children.

The point of the day is actually to witness the wedding. Not to get a free meal or have a date to dance with, although those are courtesies.

I'm sure some people will flame about this. But just wanted to raise it. I have seen two variants of this strategy work well at times with no hard feelings on any side.

Please don’t do this to the bride. The invitation has clearly stated their preferences and it puts her on the spot and in an uncomfortable situation to have to either cave because she feels pressure or repeat their stance on no kids.

Also, kids truly don’t have interest in witnessing a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

Ok bridezilla. The point is the couple is also not the Second Coming so hopefully nobody is surprised when people decline the invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How far is the travel? I would consider bringing them and using a local babysitter. I’ve done this approach twice successfully. I am also fine leaving my kids with family, but 4 is a lot to leave someone with, so this is another option.

Pack up 4 kids to travel for a wedding where they are not welcome? Are you nuts? That kind of effort would only be worth it if they were attending the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about this. Assuming your kids are really well-behaved, you want to bring them on your trip, and you have a calm enough family to negotiate a little beyond the boundaries of standard etiquette.

Why not reach out to the bride and ask if your well-behaved children may attend the wedding only. Your whole family goes to the wedding.

Then only one parent attends the reception while the other parent watches the children.

The point of the day is actually to witness the wedding. Not to get a free meal or have a date to dance with, although those are courtesies.

I'm sure some people will flame about this. But just wanted to raise it. I have seen two variants of this strategy work well at times with no hard feelings on any side.

Please don’t do this to the bride. The invitation has clearly stated their preferences and it puts her on the spot and in an uncomfortable situation to have to either cave because she feels pressure or repeat their stance on no kids.

Also, kids truly don’t have interest in witnessing a wedding.

PP. You're wrong about the last point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They don't care about your family, OP, because they either think you can easily arrange childcare, or they expect you not to show up, and for your husband to go by himself.

I'm not surprised, because if the nephew is getting married, he doesn't have kids and clearly doesn't realize what childcare is, and how difficult it can be to arrange, especially for 4 kids. He may also be part of that weird group that can't handle kids at a wedding (even though they're the life and soul of the party, but this is America and Americans are have bizarre hang-ups with kids).

Anyway. You arrange for childcare. You go and your husband stays (that'll show them!). Or you stay and your husband goes. Three options. Pick one.

That would be hilarious if OP went alone 😆 show up just for cocktails at the reception then the rest of the weekend at the pool for a mom’s weekend r&r. With 4 kids OP likely deserves it!