parents visiting and I have no privacy

[Anonymous]

My parents are visiting me for couple of months.
They are in mid 60s.

Basically I have no privacy. all our family matters are now public knowledge.

every single thing that happens in my house (example: argument between me and DH, or DD's grades, or any discussions between me-DH-DD, any small celebrations, roof repair etc etc) are all no longer within the family.
My brother's family, extended family all seem to know what goes on in my house.
Not that anything is too serious.
But still, I would like to have some privacy.
my uncle and aunt need not know that DH and I argued.

this is really upsetting. If I tell my parents politely not to share my family matters to others, they don't seem to understand what my problem is.
If I tell them not to be loud mouths then they are offended.

how should I deal with this?

[Anonymous]

End the visit.

[Anonymous]

I have this issue with my MIL; absolutely no boundaries. You need to set boundaries and if the boundaries are not adhered to you need to set ramifications. You cannot control other people nor can you change them. All you can do is change how you re-act. So, if they do not respect your privacy then they should not invite them into your home. You need to take the action.

[Anonymous]

Agree, put them in an extended stay hotel.
Your house, keep that control, don't let them guilt you in anything you are not comfortable with. I know it's hard.
Spend the money if they don't have it, split the bill or let them pay. All the best!

[Anonymous]

Your parents should not be sharing your arguments.

But all those other little events are likely the only thing they have going on, and they feel the need to share with others. I get that it is weird for you, but it's just one of the natural consequences that comes with being in close proximity to loved ones.

[Anonymous]

It is foolish to have any expectation of privacy when you have parents or any relatives or friends living with you for a couple of months. They are now a part of your family for these two months - they will know that the toilet got blocked and DD failed her Algebra test and that you and DH got into a squabble.

The thing for you and your DH to understand now is that if they are in their 60s and visiting for only a couple of months (I am assuming that they are overseas visitors)...then you bite your tongue and let it slide.

Modify your behaviour to not argue in front of them - the rest of the things they are witnessing is normal part of family.

You and DH need to go for a small drive or walk every evening to resolve your issues outside of their earshot. Also, you and DH need to be very polite and pleasant to each other for the next two months.

I am sure your parents get distressed when you and DH argue in front of them. It is awkward and uncomfortable for them and I am sure it is also very worrying to them.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell them to go home. My dad came here for Christmas last year and just sat around while we did everything. Then on Christmas morning we were putting things together, he just sat around and used his laptop in the living room. Later that morning we were putting a bike together and he ignored us until we were almost done at which point he got up, pointed at a few things, made some irritating comments, then sat back down and acted like HE put it together. Then we went to my in laws for a few hours but had to leave early because he refused to go and was sitting around the house as our "guest" the whole time.

This year he wants to stay even longer. I told him he isn't coming at all this year at Christmas time.

Either kick them out or deal with it and don't let them stay as long next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell them to go home. My dad came here for Christmas last year and just sat around while we did everything. Then on Christmas morning we were putting things together, he just sat around and used his laptop in the living room. Later that morning we were putting a bike together and he ignored us until we were almost done at which point he got up, pointed at a few things, made some irritating comments, then sat back down and acted like HE put it together. Then we went to my in laws for a few hours but had to leave early because he refused to go and was sitting around the house as our "guest" the whole time.

This year he wants to stay even longer. I told him he isn't coming at all this year at Christmas time.

Either kick them out or deal with it and don't let them stay as long next time.

You are a peach. Your problem and OP's problem is not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree, put them in an extended stay hotel.
Your house, keep that control, don't let them guilt you in anything you are not comfortable with. I know it's hard.
Spend the money if they don't have it, split the bill or let them pay. All the best!

+1. I would go absolutely nuts hosting parents for a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is foolish to have any expectation of privacy when you have parents or any relatives or friends living with you for a couple of months. They are now a part of your family for these two months - they will know that the toilet got blocked and DD failed her Algebra test and that you and DH got into a squabble.

The thing for you and your DH to understand now is that if they are in their 60s and visiting for only a couple of months (I am assuming that they are overseas visitors)...then you bite your tongue and let it slide.

Modify your behaviour to not argue in front of them - the rest of the things they are witnessing is normal part of family.

You and DH need to go for a small drive or walk every evening to resolve your issues outside of their earshot. Also, you and DH need to be very polite and pleasant to each other for the next two months.

I am sure your parents get distressed when you and DH argue in front of them. It is awkward and uncomfortable for them and I am sure it is also very worrying to them.

I agree with all of this.

This is why my parents, who live overseas, are only invited for 2 weeks max. I would not be able to tolerate my mother longer than that, with her lack of filter and boundaries!

[Anonymous]

Tell your parents they don't need to "understand what your problem is." They simply have to follow your rules, which is that stuff they observe and hear while in your house is not to be shared with anyone they feel like.

You don't need to insult them by calling them loudmouths. Just say, "Mom and Dad, we have different views on this. I understand you feel like it is fine to talk about this stuff. However, I do not feel that way. You don't have to understand or agree with my point of view. However, if you want to come visit, you need to respect it and follow my wishes on this. Because if you can't, then I can't have you come visit and stay in our house. And I do want you to do that, because I love you, but if I hear again that random-extended-person knows the dirt that's happening in my house, you will not be invited back to stay."

Then stick to your guns.