Thank you notes and teens. How to get them to write?

[Anonymous]

My mother complains all the time that she never gets a thank you note from my daughter for gifts and cards. I have asked my DD over and over to at least just send a small email. She pushes back and just won't do it. I don't understand why and I no longer know how to handle it. My mother seems resentful that she goes to the effort to gave a relationship with my daughter and it seems to go nowhere.
My mother and my wife have - and this is an understatement - a strained relationship that is, unfortunately, 99.9 percent my wife's fault. As a result, trying to be together as a family is difficult.

Any help or suggestions appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Similar consequences for how you would handle homework or chores, IMO.

[Anonymous]

How do you get her to do other things? Did she used to write them? Or never has? If she used to, what do you think made her stop now?

[Anonymous]

she doesn't get to keep the gift until she has properly thanked the giver. for gifts. a card doesn't need a thank you, though if it's actual correspondence, not writing back is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she doesn't get to keep the gift until she has properly thanked the giver. for gifts. a card doesn't need a thank you, though if it's actual correspondence, not writing back is rude.

We set the gifts aside and she can't use them until thank you notes are written.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]My mother complains all the time that she never gets a thank you note from my daughter for gifts and cards. I have asked my DD over and over to at least just send a small email. She pushes back and just won't do it. I don't understand why and I no longer know how to handle it. [b]My mother seems resentful that she goes to the effort to gave a relationship with my daughter and it seems to go nowhere.[/b]
My mother and my wife have - and this is an understatement - a strained relationship that is, unfortunately, 99.9 percent my wife's fault. As a result, trying to be together as a family is difficult.

Any help or suggestions appreciated.[/quote]

I have realized that my DD - now 13 really doesn't care about "stuff" so she doesn't appreciate all the trouble/thoughtfulness people have gone through to give her a gift.
What DD loves most is an event with that person - bowling, theater show, dinner at a special restaurant etc...
Perhaps your mother is trying to foster a relationship the wrong way. ??

THere is a book - Five Love Languages...

[Anonymous]

My mother lives 700 miles away so doing events together is a bit tough. Plus, DW always tries to get in the way.

[Anonymous]

Can't wear it, watch it, eat it, play it, or spend it until a thank you note is written

[Anonymous]

Agree with she doesn't get to use gifts until the thank you note is written. If it's a gift card, she doesn't get to use what she purchased until the note is written. Or you take away other things (her phone, her computer, permission to do fun things with a friend).

[Anonymous]

I would suggest that you tell your mother to stop complaining. If she feels her gifts are unappreciated, she should no longer send them. I certainly don't undertand why she is complaining to you instead of your daughter, at 16. AND, even if it's true, why the potshots at your wife? How is she even involved here? Yet you found time to make a couple of digs.

The answer to your actual question is easy, and above. She doesn't get anything until she's properly thanked the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't wear it, watch it, eat it, play it, or spend it until a thank you note is written

+1. It's a must. I agree with grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she doesn't get to keep the gift until she has properly thanked the giver. for gifts. a card doesn't need a thank you, though if it's actual correspondence, not writing back is rude.

What if the kid doesn't really like the gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest that you tell your mother to stop complaining. If she feels her gifts are unappreciated, she should no longer send them. I certainly don't undertand why she is complaining to you instead of your daughter, at 16. AND, even if it's true, why the potshots at your wife? How is she even involved here? Yet you found time to make a couple of digs.

The answer to your actual question is easy, and above. She doesn't get anything until she's properly thanked the person.

I did not make potshots at my wife. However, it is a fact that my wife has created a toxic atmosphere in her relationship with my mother - for whatever reason real or perceived - and 'm afraid it rubs off on my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest that you tell your mother to stop complaining. If she feels her gifts are unappreciated, she should no longer send them. I certainly don't undertand why she is complaining to you instead of your daughter, at 16. AND, even if it's true, why the potshots at your wife? How is she even involved here? Yet you found time to make a couple of digs.

The answer to your actual question is easy, and above. She doesn't get anything until she's properly thanked the person.

I did not make potshots at my wife. However, it is a fact that my wife has created a toxic atmosphere in her relationship with my mother - for whatever reason real or perceived - and 'm afraid it rubs off on my daughter.

Does your daughter send thank you notes to everyone BUT your mother? If so, then yes, it is rubbing off. BUt if your daughter is equally inept at expressing gratitude to everyone then you have a different issue.

[Anonymous]

When your mom starts to complain hand the phone to your daughter.

You have some mommy issues always taking her side over your wife's.

Also, grandparents that are not involved in a child's life have to get over the fact that their grandchildren are not bonded with them, whether it is 7 miles or 700 miles.