instagram bartering likes for rates and TBHs

[Anonymous]

My rising 7th graders doesn't have instagram, but i recently got it so I could learn the ropes and set appropriate parameters. One of her friends just posted a comment to her own photos hat says 'likey my photo for a rate and TBH". I would not allow my DD to post such comments (if/when she has instagram and I monitor it) because I think the rates are troubling and the bartering a bit like pimping yourself out for "likes."

But, is this the kind of post other parents would want to know about? Probably not a big deal to some right?

[Anonymous]

You know you are getting old when you had to look up what that even means!
Ugh.

[Anonymous]

TBH?

[Anonymous]

op here providing additional background on what I'm talking about. Am i the only one monitoring the MS girls' use of this stuff?? love some perspective from other MS parents.

http://time.com/3559340/instagram-tween-girls/#3559340/instagram-tween-girls/

[Anonymous]

My middle schooler has instagram and yes, the kids do the likes and TBH stuff. I haven't noticed anything "bad" from it. The kids say things like "TBH you're my bae!" and similar. I have told my daughter that if I felt she was using that environment to determine self-worth, I'd take it away from her. It's a fun little photo sharing site. It's not a measure of self or social worth. My daughter isn't interested in a quest for popularity (yet?) and it's been fine so far. A friend of hers was grounded from instagram because she was using it as a measure of self worth and getting upset when she didn't get as many likes on photos as she wanted.

My daughter and I go through her instagram together regularly. I follow her instagram. And when her friend got grounded from instagram, we had some really good talks about peer influence, and what you can do when you feel like you're heading into troubled waters or you think a friend is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here providing additional background on what I'm talking about. Am i the only one monitoring the MS girls' use of this stuff?? love some perspective from other MS parents.

http://time.com/3559340/instagram-tween-girls/#3559340/instagram-tween-girls/

PP here- experience with only relatively indifferent boys. Definitely different challenges (not always, of course some boys are just as bad with this stuff but I think there is a marked gender difference with this).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My middle schooler has instagram and yes, the kids do the likes and TBH stuff. I haven't noticed anything "bad" from it. The kids say things like "TBH you're my bae!" and similar. I have told my daughter that if I felt she was using that environment to determine self-worth, I'd take it away from her. It's a fun little photo sharing site. It's not a measure of self or social worth. My daughter isn't interested in a quest for popularity (yet?) and it's been fine so far. A friend of hers was grounded from instagram because she was using it as a measure of self worth and getting upset when she didn't get as many likes on photos as she wanted.

My daughter and I go through her instagram together regularly. I follow her instagram. And when her friend got grounded from instagram, we had some really good talks about peer influence, and what you can do when you feel like you're heading into troubled waters or you think a friend is.

OP here-- thank you for the thoughtful response. It frames my questions well. So my question is, if your DD posted something saying 'like my photo for a rate or a TBH' do you consider that evidence that she is competing for "likes" in a potentially negative way? Or would you not care? Would you want to hear from another mom about it? I'm leaning toward not notifying this mom, although i know her well enough.

I find the 'rates' more troubling than the TBH. The rates assign every one a 1-10 number of how pretty or cool they are . . .

[Anonymous]

Not all kids are doing it. My rising 7th grader has Instagram. We follow each other, and I follow a couple of her friends. They're not doing that shit. They like each other's posts. DD follows some girls she doesn't know (mostly other fans of Arianna Grande or some shit) or doesn't know well (kids she met at one-week camps). They exchange "like for like" and "follow for follow". But most of these girls are friends from elementary school who then scattered to different middle schools. So there's no real popularity factor.

One thing that has surprised me is that DD will wipe out ALL her photos and start fresh. Like right now, she's in a b&w phase. We have had a lot of talks about paying attention to the people in front of your face and what kinds of things are hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Great article from Time Nov. 2014 on Instagram. I recommend it for any tween/teen parent who is new to this app.
http://time.com/3559340/instagram-tween-girls/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rising 7th graders doesn't have instagram, but i recently got it so I could learn the ropes and set appropriate parameters. One of her friends just posted a comment to her own photos hat says 'likey my photo for a rate and TBH". I would not allow my DD to post such comments (if/when she has instagram and I monitor it) because I think the rates are troubling and the bartering a bit like pimping yourself out for "likes."

But, is this the kind of post other parents would want to know about? Probably not a big deal to some right?

Those rating things are social currency for tween girls. Popularity can literally be measured and quantified now.

Like this or not, it's the world they live in. Tread lightly.