Anger/Pain Management?

[Anonymous]

I'd love suggestions for how to make life easier for kids who react really strongly to pain. My 10-year-old DD reacts violently to minor accidents. If she stubs her toe, she'll bang her fist on that part of the floor, that sort of thing. I think it's partly the pain, but also an angry response. It's like she's on a hair trigger. Any ideas of how we can help her? Book suggestions? Mantras (for us or her)?

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. I have a 9 year old boy who was like this for many years. In his case I always had the impression that the pain was physically felt (not dramatized for effect) but that it was linked to frustration/anxiety/embarassment.

I just googled this link to make sure I wasn't crazy. Here's an interesting article. https://www.intelihealth.com/article/pain-anxiety-and-depression-a-challenging-trio-to-treat?hd=Minding

Is your DD otherwise a bit anxious? If so, I'd focus on anxiety management and suspect the overreaction to pain will subside as she gets anxiety under control. We have used some mediation techniques with my son but the biggest change seems to have occurred when we took gluten and food coloring out of his diet. The change in behavior was dramatic. Things that used to make him explode now roll off his back.

Although a bit inconveinent, I think diet experimentation is well worth the effort. In my experience, we saw a dramatic change within 3 days. But if you're going to try this, make sure you don't let any gluten or food coloring sneak in. Food coloring in particular has an immediate negative effect on my son's stress/anger management skills. Weird but true.

[Anonymous]

Very helpful, pp. I do think anxiety plays a role. It's hard to address it specifically since it arises so quickly (so CBT, which we've tried) seems useless on that specific point. But maybe getting a handle on the anxiety overall will help diminish that response.

We're pretty careful about food dyes but hadn't given though to gluten issues.

Thanks again--it's helpful knowing someone else has dealt with this.

[Anonymous]

My kids is like that this year. I think it is the anxiety and unhappiness at the super cliquey and competitive school (ASF in Arlington). I hope some relaxation will do good this summer. And never returning to that school again!

[Anonymous]

This is 9:36 pp. In retrospect, I think it might have helped me to view this sort of behavior is a syptom of stress/anxiety/overstimulation rather than a separate condition. In a way, it's nice to have a very visiable warning signal that DD is over stressed. Then you work to take the stress and anxiety down a notch. The classroom setting for my son was also very difficult in Kinderarden (large class and he was clearly a bit overwhelmed) and First Grade (just crazy and not well managed). A much more orderly third grade year this year in combination with the food changes has really changed things. I also ratched back the extracurriculers as I learned that he needs more down time than my older child. There were times when I think my son subconsciously uses an injury as an excuse to fall apart--stress has been building and he's on the edge, then he stubs his toe and BOOM. It still happens occassionall.

You might also post in the special needs section or search for advice for managing this same issue for kids with sensory disorders. I think my son would have been diagnosed with on in preschool I had pursued it. He cowered at loud music classes, avoided overwhelming loud birthday parties lashed out when overstimulated, etc.