Would you be honest with your child?
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Anonymous
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My friend has a 15 year old son who truly believes that he is going to be drafted by the NBA. He is a mediocre basketball player at best and he isn't a kid who is always dribbling a ball and shooting hoops. I see him several times per month and I've never seen him with a basketball.
He is so convinced about this he has gotten into fights with his friends who all think he is crazy. Some of them have really distanced themselves from him because it isn't an occasional comment. He isn't joking about this, he really believes it. He isn't a delusional person (besides this!) so we aren't talking about a psychotic disorder. My friend is wondering whether she should discourage him from this thinking, right now she is supportive when her son asks her what she thinks. She doesn't feel it's her job to burst his bubble but she is concerned about his difficulty with his friends. Wwyd? |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't crush his dreams, however I'd gently start to inject a dose of reality. I'd remind him that even the truly excellent players in high school seldom get a spot on a college team, let alone get drafted for the NBA. He sounds sort of immature, as I'd wager most 15 year olds have started to figure this out. I'd encourage his basketball but emphasize how it's important to develop other strengths and talents because you never know in life. |
Anonymous
| The mom sounds like a thoughtful person. Stay out of it. |
Anonymous
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I'm not sure I quite believe the spin you're putting on this story. Either this teen is delusional (and it will just get worse, some mental illnesses start like this), or his immediate family members have enabled him to think like this - which is cute at 5, not so much at 15, as his loss of friendships proves.
I don't think his parents are handling it the right way here - time to get real. They are doing this kid a disservice. |
Anonymous
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I would assume a coach would handle this, and I'd let them, and if they weren't, I'd ask the coach to talk to the kid about future expectations within the sport.
The kid getting in fights with friends is a problem. Also, the fact that the kid is bragging is a problem I, as a parent, would deal with. |
Anonymous
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I'd tell him the same thing I'd tell my kid if they wanted to become a famous actor or musician or even a fashion model. You have to be both very talented and very lucky to even have a chance and 99.9% of the talented and lucky people still don't make it.
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Anonymous
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Aw, let him have his dreams. That is part of becoming an adult.
When I was in high school, I thought I was going to become a Broadway actress (I wasn't), maybe in musical theatre (I can't sing). I even auditioned for a university theatre program (didn't make it). I "really believed" that was my destany in life. It was my identity through high school. I think my senior yearbook even has a blurb about it. I had friends who were convinced they were going to be the next Top Gun, or be a senator, or other lofty and very improbable dreams. Almost all of us eventually ourgrew it, except for the few truly passionate who were also blessed with exceptional drive and talent. He will figure it out...eventually. If she adresses it at all it needs to be in terms of how to disagree with your friends without getting in a fist fight or severing all ties. The dreams themselves? Let it be. |
Anonymous
| If it were me, I'd support fully. By that, I mean, I'd explain what I thought it took to get to the NBA, and every day I'd ask my child if they were practicing, etc. I would expect this to slightly hasten their intersection with reality. |
Anonymous
| Have him watch Hoop Dreams or another documentary that lays out the odds. |
Anonymous
| He might be suffering from a psychiatric disorder actually, a similar thing started with a friend of mine at college - he was convinced he was going to play soccer for a national team. About a year later he could hear the animals in the forest talking to him and he thought he was Jesus. Get your friend to have her son checked out by a professional, asap. |
Anonymous
Oh, please. This is a 15 year old with a fantasy-- not unheard of and not psychotic. Op, I had a son who was certain he was going to be a baseball star. I tried all of the gentle ways of letting him know it was a realistic dream. When that didnt work, I cut straight to the point. He has many talents. Baseball isn't one of them. With that said, this is for his parents to address, not yon. |
Anonymous
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15 is a little old to have dreams that unrealistic. High schoolers know all about college letters of intent, etc. He should well know that if he isn't being looked at now, he doesn't really have a chance. Maybe a teen would have quiet hopes, but certainly would be savvy enough to know that in the absence of true, recognized talent, he shouldn't be bragging to friends!
I would suggest that a coach or recruiter speak with him about realistic expectations. |
Anonymous
Not your goat or your rodeo. Never crush someone's dream. At each level he'll either make it or he won't-better he learn that himself than be discouraged, give up and have regrets. |
Anonymous
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Anyone read the old classic 'The Hundred Dresses' by Eleanor Estes?
Similar story- a non-dellusional girl claims she has 100 dresses and talks about them constantly, leading to teasing and unfriending. In the end, the attention she got from her 'stories' lights a spark that carries her through a painful part of life. Letting them think what they want to think isn't bad. Thinking of a future in basketball may be how this kid is coping with fear of the future, or inadequacy amoung peers. He may be wanting attention- subconsiously even negative attention. Remind the kids not to bully or tease him about it. Just let it go and change the subject. |
Anonymous
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OP here, interesting replies and no consensus which is funny because I see both sides too. I know it isn't my business, I was specifically asked by my friend what I think and i had difficulty coming up with an answer.
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