Should I Call CPS on Husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CPS is a very serious deal. First try talking to your husband. Tell him what he is doing is NOT acceptable.

You can’t reason with an a abuser and it’s dangerous to do so. No healthy or sane adult would ever hurt his children intentionally. There’s no telling what a person with anger issues like this can do. OP needs to document everything and call the cops so that he is arrested and then she can file a restraining order against him and proceed with a divorce filing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

This is exactly why women stay with abusive men.

Such a good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

This is exactly why women stay with abusive men.

Such a good point.

My dad was abusive, he got supervised visits when my mom filed for divorce (which he eventually lost those too because he couldn’t get his act together) but my brother had to speak to a counselor about it. My mom was very worried about my dad getting 50/50 custody but her lawyer assured her that if there’s any sign of physical abuse, the judge takes it very seriously. It makes me sad that women will stay with an abuser because they believe the myth that they won’t be able to keep tabs on their children. OP needs to speak to a good lawyer and document everything for the court hearing. Getting away from my dad was the best thing my mom could have ever done, we did counseling for a few years afterwards which also helped tremendously. OP, I know it’s difficult but you need to start planning your escape from this guy. So sorry you’re going through this but there are resources out there to help you, you don’t have to live like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would immediately kick my DH out of the house if he did this to our kids. I would be documenting every interaction. You must stand up for your kids. And if you don't document and start to report, he will get custody right and your kids will be sent to him and you won't know what is happening.

How would you "kick him out?" You tell him to leave, he says no....then what?

[Anonymous]

No, you don’t involve cps. That’s bad parenting but not cos worthy. Former foster care worker. Cps are the last folks you want involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you don’t involve cps. That’s bad parenting but not cos worthy. Former foster care worker. Cps are the last folks you want involved.

Bad parenting is letting your kids eat ice cream for breakfast every day just because they want to. Or letting your kids watch 8 hours of tv a day without getting up. This isn’t bad parenting, it’s abuse and it has serious repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at wits end with my husband’s methods of physical discipline. There is entirely too much yelling & screaming in our house and I’m fed up with him putting his hands on them as punishment. Some examples: slapping back of child’s head (sometimes repeatedly), yanking kid up by arm, pulling ear tightly and talking directly into ear, and spanking bare bottom until red marks. Kids are 8 and 5.

He does not think he is doing anything wrong. When I complain he basically says “I’m not hurting them, and I will discipline my kids!”

OP, what methods of discipline have YOU done when your kids are yelling and screaming?

Are you all home pretty much all the time right now (parents working from home/kids distance learning?) Or are some/all of you out of the house at times?

[Anonymous]

I'd at least get a nanny cam until you decide what to do. Who knows what he's doing when you're not in the room or home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would immediately kick my DH out of the house if he did this to our kids. I would be documenting every interaction. You must stand up for your kids. And if you don't document and start to report, he will get custody right and your kids will be sent to him and you won't know what is happening.

I agree. This is doing damage to your kids. It's going to have life-long effects. Please protect them. It's one thing to grab your kid because she's running out onto the street. It's another to do what you're describing. I was raised in a household like this. My heart aches for your children. Please protect them.

Document. Have a talk with your husband and lay out the ultimatum.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that could be CPS-worthy is the leaving of marks, and frankly if you are not intervening then you are part of the problem, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm at wits end with my husband’s methods of physical discipline. There is entirely too much yelling & screaming in our house and I’m fed up with him putting his hands on them as punishment. Some examples: slapping back of child’s head (sometimes repeatedly), yanking kid up by arm, pulling ear tightly and talking directly into ear, and spanking bare bottom until red marks. Kids are 8 and 5.

He does not think he is doing anything wrong. When I complain he basically says “I’m not hurting them, and I will discipline my kids!”

OP, what methods of discipline have YOU done when your kids are yelling and screaming?

Are you all home pretty much all the time right now (parents working from home/kids distance learning?) Or are some/all of you out of the house at times?

It sounds like the husband is the one doing the yelling and screaming, not the kids. There’s always a lot of dysfunction and fear in a household with an abusive parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can take the kids. If they don't, they may require you to leave him in order for you to keep the kids, so why not just leave him and not include CPS in your life?

Even if you don't think it requires removal, once CPS is there they call the shots, not you. Do you want 1 hour of supervised visitation with your kids a week while a social worker watches you, and a CPS investigation on your and your husband's record? If you are at this point, you have broken trust already. Get a divorce.

I agree on CPS. But on divorce, that means that likely husband gets 50% of the time with kids unsupervised.

I honestly could not bear if this was happening with my children. But, the route of CPS is worse than what they are experiencing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd at least get a nanny cam until you decide what to do. Who knows what he's doing when you're not in the room or home.

+1. If this monster is slapping a 5 year old in front of you, imagine what he’s doing behind closed doors and the kids are too scared to say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you don’t involve cps. That’s bad parenting but not cos worthy. Former foster care worker. Cps are the last folks you want involved.

Bad parenting is letting your kids eat ice cream for breakfast every day just because they want to. Or letting your kids watch 8 hours of tv a day without getting up. This isn’t bad parenting, it’s abuse and it has serious repercussions.

Having cps involved is far worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm at wits end with my husband’s methods of physical discipline. There is entirely too much yelling & screaming in our house and I’m fed up with him putting his hands on them as punishment. Some examples: slapping back of child’s head (sometimes repeatedly), yanking kid up by arm, pulling ear tightly and talking directly into ear, and spanking bare bottom until red marks. Kids are 8 and 5.

He does not think he is doing anything wrong. When I complain he basically says “I’m not hurting them, and I will discipline my kids!”

OP, what methods of discipline have YOU done when your kids are yelling and screaming?

Are you all home pretty much all the time right now (parents working from home/kids distance learning?) Or are some/all of you out of the house at times?

It sounds like the husband is the one doing the yelling and screaming, not the kids. There’s always a lot of dysfunction and fear in a household with an abusive parent.

Yelling and screaming is not cps worthy.