Who else has no friends?

[Anonymous]

This is what DCUM is for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to the Ben and Jen thread in the entertainment board, Angelina Jolie has no friends.

She could buy friends, we can't.

[Anonymous]

Me. I have one childhood friend who lives in another state and we text a couple times of year and get together every couple of years.

Otherwise I have acquaintances (neighbors and DH’s work people) whom I might get together with once a year. When we had a child a few years ago I did try to join all sorts of mom groups and child activities and nothing clicked. I’ve given up. I’m POC/mixed in a mostly white or single ethnicity area so that’s part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me. I have one childhood friend who lives in another state and we text a couple times of year and get together every couple of years.

Otherwise I have acquaintances (neighbors and DH’s work people) whom I might get together with once a year. When we had a child a few years ago I did try to join all sorts of mom groups and child activities and nothing clicked. I’ve given up. I’m POC/mixed in a mostly white or single ethnicity area so that’s part of it.

Oh and family are all long plane rides away. We see each other for Thanksgiving and New Years. Otherwise it’s just me, DH and our child.

[Anonymous]

Apart from DH, I have no local family, friends or acquaintances at all. Nobody I would feel comfortable even asking to have coffee. When I turn DS’s school forms in, I don’t even list an alternative emergency contact.

When I have tried to strike up a friendship, it’s been wasted effort — people are snobs about my child’s hand me downs, “mom friends” seem fine to get together when I initiate but if I don’t contact first 6 months could go by without a peep, I get involved in a new group but magically everyone else seems to click and I am awkwardly excluded, list goes on. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I don’t think I am capable of having friends. It’s bewildering and I’ve even asked my DH to smell my hair and breath and clothes to see if I smell or something! My only worry now is whether my son is being properly socialized or whether he is missing something because of my lack of social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me. I have one childhood friend who lives in another state and we text a couple times of year and get together every couple of years.

Otherwise I have acquaintances (neighbors and DH’s work people) whom I might get together with once a year. When we had a child a few years ago I did try to join all sorts of mom groups and child activities and nothing clicked. I’ve given up. I’m POC/mixed in a mostly white or single ethnicity area so that’s part of it.

I'm white and can't make friends. The foreigners all make friends with each other. You can't always tell by looking at someone they are mixed. Some people may also be mixed and you wouldn't know it. The last time I had some friends we were each from different countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of acquaintances. I think many would see me as someone with many friends, but I don't have anyone to "go deep" with. I'm really lonely.

Same here. I have people to hang out with and socialize where I live, but no one helped out when we were in a situation, and I have no one to really confide in. I do have a long distance bestie so I guess I could say no true friend where I live.

[Anonymous]

Me! In life I have had maybe 3 close friends. The last one I made in 8th grade and we only see each other every three years or so. I don’t hang out with other women at all... despite my best efforts, I’ve been to maybe 3 play dates and 2 adult parties (DH’s work friends) in the past 4 years. No other socialization beyond going to a couple of block party type things and a cousin’s wedding. I’ve tried making friends but it doesn’t really seem to fit who I am and people don’t seem to want to get to know me anyway. I have actually considered moving back to my hometown to be near family, just because it seems to be considered abnormal to have no social circle or support at all. I wonder if I’m just a weird person. I am consistently tested as a Meyer Briggs INTJ, which I’m told is extremely rare, especially among women, so perhaps my actions are often misinterpreted.

[Anonymous]

I think my issue is being very introverted and having some degree of social anxiety. When I was in school/college, I had friends because I saw the same people everyday and we were always together. Now, as a working mom, I feel more isolated. The fact that I am introverted means that I don’t make an effort to go out and meet people. I much prefer to stay home and “Netflix n’ chill”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apart from DH, I have no local family, friends or acquaintances at all. Nobody I would feel comfortable even asking to have coffee. When I turn DS’s school forms in, I don’t even list an alternative emergency contact.

When I have tried to strike up a friendship, it’s been wasted effort — people are snobs about my child’s hand me downs, “mom friends” seem fine to get together when I initiate but if I don’t contact first 6 months could go by without a peep, I get involved in a new group but magically everyone else seems to click and I am awkwardly excluded, list goes on. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I don’t think I am capable of having friends. It’s bewildering and I’ve even asked my DH to smell my hair and breath and clothes to see if I smell or something! My only worry now is whether my son is being properly socialized or whether he is missing something because of my lack of social circle.

Hugs. I have the same thoughts about myself and worries for my children.

[Anonymous]

Those of you who are lonely, do you invite people over? Do you reach out to people? Do you host?

I am pretty friendly but also a bit of an introvert, but I make a huge effort, largely for the sake of my kids and husband. I dread all the hosting leading up to it but am always happy I did it. I find that people around here are very receptive to being invited over. I don't keep track -- and at this point we have a pretty big network so it doesn't matter -- but I would assume we initiate more/do more group organizing than any others in our network. I think if you want it to happen, you have to make it happen. Except in very rare cases when there is a quick and deep connection, I find that friendships develop over time and through shared experiences. Why not make it happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me! In life I have had maybe 3 close friends. The last one I made in 8th grade and we only see each other every three years or so. I don’t hang out with other women at all... despite my best efforts, I’ve been to maybe 3 play dates and 2 adult parties (DH’s work friends) in the past 4 years. No other socialization beyond going to a couple of block party type things and a cousin’s wedding. I’ve tried making friends but it doesn’t really seem to fit who I am and people don’t seem to want to get to know me anyway. I have actually considered moving back to my hometown to be near family, just because it seems to be considered abnormal to have no social circle or support at all. I wonder if I’m just a weird person. I am consistently tested as a Meyer Briggs INTJ, which I’m told is extremely rare, especially among women, so perhaps my actions are often misinterpreted.

I know an INTJ who is male but seems to attract friends just by his passion for his hobbies. If it's rare to find an INTJ female, you might make more friends with men. I was in a male dominated field and there wasn't a large source of women to be friends with.

When I tell people where my family lives, they act like why do I live here then? Why don't I move there? It's odd people think you can just move easily and like you're weird if you don't live near family, when it may not be your choice but that's just how things turned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no friends or family close by. My family only calls me when they need money. They don't care how I am really, they just care if I can help them out. I've come to terms with that so it no longer bothers me. I'm alone but rarely lonely because I entertain myself. Was thinking about this subject recently. I choose not to make friends because I don't have the energy to do the friend's thing nor do I want to hear every tidbit of their lives. Honestly, my life schedule doesn't permit it. Most everyone around me works so I don't have anything to contribute to a friendship. I find it to be exhausting just thinking about it. My life would seem strange to anyone so I keep it to myself. I unplugged my house phone over a year ago and only turn my cell phone on during the hours I'm awake. Only 3 people have my number. I just don't want to be bothered. In my world there is nothing wrong with being non social. I don't feel the need to be social. If I did I'd just go grocery shopping. The stores are full of people. When I had kids at home I did what I had to do be the parental face but I hated it. I'm not shy. I just don't like being something I'm not. My husband is very people loving and enjoys being around others. I still don't know how we came to be together. I guess opposites do attract.

Making friends is easy, growing that friendship is hard. It takes work. I don't want to work it.

My husband is my best friend so I do things with him. It's the way I like it.

Ha story of my life! I hate it when you have family who only call you when they need something. Otherwise, silence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are lonely, do you invite people over? Do you reach out to people? Do you host?

I am pretty friendly but also a bit of an introvert, but I make a huge effort, largely for the sake of my kids and husband. I dread all the hosting leading up to it but am always happy I did it. I find that people around here are very receptive to being invited over. I don't keep track -- and at this point we have a pretty big network so it doesn't matter -- but I would assume we initiate more/do more group organizing than any others in our network. I think if you want it to happen, you have to make it happen. Except in very rare cases when there is a quick and deep connection, I find that friendships develop over time and through shared experiences. Why not make it happen?

I don't know about anyone else, but I've tried and it doesn't "happen."

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me realize that I feel lonely. I currently have friends that I can count on for coffee, get-togethers, and help with childcare if needed, but no close friends and no one local who considers me that close.

The part that breaks me is that the area is so transient - I had those people, ones that I could have a deep friendship with, but they were the ones who left one by one and I think it broke something in me. I hadn't realized til looking over these responses that I stopped trying a few years ago after the last one. We stay in touch and when we get together it's like no time has passed, but it's not the same as having a good local friend.

I'm lonely too.