When you’re out w kids - expectations of other adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t think you were rude. It’s not your issue. If wou just slammed the door in her face or did t hold the elevator open, different story. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to get over themselves.

+1. Like all the mamas here - they should try getting over themselves. She asked a question, you answered it and kept moving. You don’t have to fall all over a stranger whether she has a kid or not. Of course I’m a New Yorker - we’re not programmed to throw in sorrys and excuse mes at every turn of the step.

+2
All the persecution complexes in this thread are interesting, although not surprising. OP was clearly expected to drop everything and try to run down help for mommy because she was in the presence of little Kaieden headed to a playdate.

Also not sure why an "I'm sorry" was needed. Sorry for what, exactly...?

Sorry you weren't able to help? I would have said "sorry, I don't know the Joneses" or whatever. I would not have stopped in my tracks, dropped everything, let them into my place so they could use my landline, etc. But just based on OP's post, it sounds like she was a little brusque, which can be borderline rude when interacting with people. However, the mom shouldn't have responded. If people are rude, don't make it worse.

And OP, as to your question, my only expectation of other people when I'm with my kids is that they don't use bad language. So I would have reacted to you the same way regardless of whether or not my kids where there since you didn't curse.

Really? You expect others to change their language because your precious offspring are nearby? Sorry, no.

But why should OP be apologietic at all. Her job is not to identify her neighbours to random people. Did the mother apologize first for being a flake?

OP didn’t cuss or anything. She was possibly abrupt.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry I don't know. And my apologies but I'm running late"

No need to apologize, but the women may have been trying to initiate a friendly contact and felt rejected -- because she wasn't considering that you didn't have time for small talk.

[Anonymous]

"Im not sure who lives there, wish I could help"!

You could have handled YOUR response better. Why is it so hard for people to be nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Im not sure who lives there, wish I could help"!

You could have handled YOUR response better. Why is it so hard for people to be nice?

Because it's not their job apparently. It seems being a part of the human race and communicating nicely is not part of anyone's job.@@

And I wouldn't be surprised if the interaction went a little bit differently. Based on the way o p is projecting about other parents, she most likely spoke rudely and dismissively as if the other woman was asking a dumb question, and the other mother got defensive by basically saying it's not crazy that she would expect someone to know her neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Im not sure who lives there, wish I could help"!

You could have handled YOUR response better. Why is it so hard for people to be nice?

Because it's not their job apparently. It seems being a part of the human race and communicating nicely is not part of anyone's job.@@

And I wouldn't be surprised if the interaction went a little bit differently. Based on the way o p is projecting about other parents, she most likely spoke rudely and dismissively as if the other woman was asking a dumb question, and the other mother got defensive by basically saying it's not crazy that she would expect someone to know her neighbors.

And I wouldn't be surprised if the interaction went exactly as OP stated. She isn't really projecting either, based on the responses in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Im not sure who lives there, wish I could help"!

You could have handled YOUR response better. Why is it so hard for people to be nice?

Because it's not their job apparently. It seems being a part of the human race and communicating nicely is not part of anyone's job.@@

And I wouldn't be surprised if the interaction went a little bit differently. Based on the way o p is projecting about other parents, she most likely spoke rudely and dismissively as if the other woman was asking a dumb question, and the other mother got defensive by basically saying it's not crazy that she would expect someone to know her neighbors.

But honestly... why does interaction require being “nice”?

Asking this as someone who is nice, and polite.. and would also say “sorry”. But the key is.. facts aren’t something someone should have to apologize or be sorry about. OP gave the information she had. She doesn’t need to feel apologietic or regretful that she didn’t have the requisite information. She was in her own home, on her way to work. You’d be super excited for someone to ask you for directions in your driveway, and then chastise you for knowing them (Although they should have known them).

So let’s talk hypocrisy. How many of the people preaching about kindness would stop help a urine soaked homeless person coming to them for money or directions while they were in a rush, on their way to work? Or with their child at a library.

Kindness is universal, FWIW. If you’re going to instruct others About it, you’d better be ready to use it. And “sorry”, this mother wasn’t. She just wanted her problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Im not sure who lives there, wish I could help"!

You could have handled YOUR response better. Why is it so hard for people to be nice?

Because it's not their job apparently. It seems being a part of the human race and communicating nicely is not part of anyone's job.@@

And I wouldn't be surprised if the interaction went a little bit differently. Based on the way o p is projecting about other parents, she most likely spoke rudely and dismissively as if the other woman was asking a dumb question, and the other mother got defensive by basically saying it's not crazy that she would expect someone to know her neighbors.

But honestly... why does interaction require being “nice”?

Asking this as someone who is nice, and polite.. and would also say “sorry”. But the key is.. facts aren’t something someone should have to apologize or be sorry about. OP gave the information she had. She doesn’t need to feel apologietic or regretful that she didn’t have the requisite information. She was in her own home, on her way to work. You’d be super excited for someone to ask you for directions in your driveway, and then chastise you for knowing them (Although they should have known them).

So let’s talk hypocrisy. How many of the people preaching about kindness would stop help a urine soaked homeless person coming to them for money or directions while they were in a rush, on their way to work? Or with their child at a library.

Kindness is universal, FWIW. If you’re going to instruct others About it, you’d better be ready to use it. And “sorry”, this mother wasn’t. She just wanted her problem solved.

It doesn't "require" being nice, but life is certainly more pleasant when we are nice to each other. Being nice isn't the same as being kind, but it is a kind of social lubricant, that makes interactions go more smoothly. Sure, you can live your life doing only what you are obligated or required to do, but I just think it's, well, nice to be nice when you can, especially when it doesn't cost you much to be nice.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I’m super polite. Overly so. Your half of the conversation sounds fine. It’s not impolite to simply answer without elaboration and there is no requirement for niceties.

I would check in with any auto bristling with kids. It wasn’t clear if your reaction was due to the child or the weirdo mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t think you were rude. It’s not your issue. If wou just slammed the door in her face or did t hold the elevator open, different story. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to get over themselves.

+1. Like all the mamas here - they should try getting over themselves. She asked a question, you answered it and kept moving. You don’t have to fall all over a stranger whether she has a kid or not. Of course I’m a New Yorker - we’re not programmed to throw in sorrys and excuse mes at every turn of the step.

+2
All the persecution complexes in this thread are interesting, although not surprising. OP was clearly expected to drop everything and try to run down help for mommy because she was in the presence of little Kaieden headed to a playdate.

Also not sure why an "I'm sorry" was needed. Sorry for what, exactly...?

Sorry you weren't able to help? I would have said "sorry, I don't know the Joneses" or whatever. I would not have stopped in my tracks, dropped everything, let them into my place so they could use my landline, etc. But just based on OP's post, it sounds like she was a little brusque, which can be borderline rude when interacting with people. However, the mom shouldn't have responded. If people are rude, don't make it worse.

And OP, as to your question, my only expectation of other people when I'm with my kids is that they don't use bad language. So I would have reacted to you the same way regardless of whether or not my kids where there since you didn't curse.

Really? You expect others to change their language because your precious offspring are nearby? Sorry, no.

I really don't think asking people to stop saying fuc& every second word is acting like my kids are precious offspring. But you're obviously an asshole, based on your post, so you wouldn't stop anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Running off to work and as I’m locking my door I see a mom and kid (4-6 yrs old) in the hallway of my condo building; it’s one of those tall apartment towers with mostly grad students and young professionals though there are some families - maybe 5-10% of the tenants. She was clearly there for a play date or something, couldn’t find the friends apartment and was calling them but no response. So as I’m running out the door she goes — does the Jones family live down at the end of this hall? My response — no idea, don’t know who lives there. She then goes — well I’d expect you’d know your neighbors. My response - well I don’t - as I go past her and her kid. She then starts commenting on modeling politeness in front of a young child, as I rolled my eyes and left.

Do you now expect all adults to be polite and helpful bc CHILD?? Or was this woman being ridiculous? I mean I easily could’ve said eff off at any point in this conversation. How would she have explained that to her sweetie?

Yes, all adults should be polite and, if possible, helpful, whether there are children present or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you just turned off at the sight of a mother and child “in your space” that’s normally occupied by DINKs, singles etc and you purposefully came off blunt? Because had it been a bunch of law students looking for their friends or a corporate type in a suit, I have a feeling you would’ve been nicer even if you didn’t know the answer. I have definitely seen people act that way when they see a kid beyond baby age in a place where kids are rare.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You were brusque and provoked her. Who on earth answers like this?

Not OP but surely you’ve had a time in life where you were late, stressed etc and answered bluntly, no?

New poster- yes, I have responded this way before, but I own it and own that my bad attitude lead to the downfall of the entire conversation. I am also not proud of such instances like OP seems to be.

OP could have been a bit more polite and the mom could have held back her snippiness/expectations on OP.

[Anonymous]

Both people sounded rude to me. Spread kindness and help others when you can.

[Anonymous]

Dear Moms of Small children in public places, You are not a socially marginalized group.

[Anonymous]

You both sound kind of d;ckish but I agree she is worst in the interaction. But also that you're being ridiculous assuming every parent is a d;ck because you encountered a rude one.