No kids weddings rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has in-laws nearby to help, especially when you travel to the wedding. I’m not using a random hotel babysitter.

So, it doesn’t work for you. Decline, and don’t be irritated that you don’t get to go to the pretty party. If it was important to you, you would go, but it’s not. Stop blaming the couple for your life circumstances and the inconvenience it imparts onto you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - in this case, cost is not the issue. DH’s parents are paying for the wedding.

So they have an unlimited budget? Get over yourself!

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering how many of the “kids must be invited” posters had kids at their wedding?

I trust most of the answers will be “we were at a different stage in life” or similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will agree with you, but a lot of people here won’t. When I was a kid, kids were invited to all the weddings my family was invited to. I’m not sure when this changed.

Weddings are in large part a celebration of the idea of family. Circle of life and all that conveys.

When weddings are in the local fire hall with the community coming together to prepare the food and make traditional cookies, then the kids are invited. When the wedding is $100/plate at a fancy venue, they aren't invited.

[Anonymous]

The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - who is dragging kids to the wedding. As stated, we are complying. It is just really inconvenient.

I think childless couples are often laissez-faire about leaving babies and small kids with random sitters and don't get why it might be tough and stressful. You'll figure it out, but I get your annoyance.

This. I know I didn’t get it before having kids. And I remember getting a save the date for a no kids wedding when I was pregnant. DH and I were like, “Oh, we will just leave the (6 month old by then) baby with my parents.” When we got the actual invitation when baby was 4 months old, there was no way I was leaving him for two nights at 6 months. So DH went alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will agree with you, but a lot of people here won’t. When I was a kid, kids were invited to all the weddings my family was invited to. I’m not sure when this changed.

Weddings are in large part a celebration of the idea of family. Circle of life and all that conveys.

When weddings are in the local fire hall with the community coming together to prepare the food and make traditional cookies, then the kids are invited. When the wedding is $100/plate at a fancy venue, they aren't invited.

Even the fanciest places do a children's plate for $20ish. NBD.

These are things you negotiate with the hotel/caterer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will agree with you, but a lot of people here won’t. When I was a kid, kids were invited to all the weddings my family was invited to. I’m not sure when this changed.

Weddings are in large part a celebration of the idea of family. Circle of life and all that conveys.

When weddings are in the local fire hall with the community coming together to prepare the food and make traditional cookies, then the kids are invited. When the wedding is $100/plate at a fancy venue, they aren't invited.

Even the fanciest places do a children's plate for $20ish. NBD.

These are things you negotiate with the hotel/caterer.

Not every venue.

And what if it’s a space constraint more than a budget one? The couple should choose accommodate 3 kids who have to leave at 730 anyway, or three beloved friends that will enjoy the whole evening? Or wait... they should change their whole venue to accommodate herds of children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will agree with you, but a lot of people here won’t. When I was a kid, kids were invited to all the weddings my family was invited to. I’m not sure when this changed.

Weddings are in large part a celebration of the idea of family. Circle of life and all that conveys.

When weddings are in the local fire hall with the community coming together to prepare the food and make traditional cookies, then the kids are invited. When the wedding is $100/plate at a fancy venue, they aren't invited.

Even the fanciest places do a children's plate for $20ish. NBD.

These are things you negotiate with the hotel/caterer.

NP I had a black tie wedding. Didn’t know any kids other than my ringbearer who was invited of course. His kids meal was$100 plus I provided him with a bucket of entertainment likes camera and bubbles and coloring books. $100 gets expensive quick, especially when parents aren’t giving larger gifts because their kids were invited.

I’m in the no kids camp unless they’re your nieces and nephews. I don’t believe kids should be there with alcohol and dancing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

Her friend should be! She made a major sacrifice to travel to PP’s destination wedding, and PP wouldn’t even try to make a similar sacrifice. Definition of selfish and entitled.

[Anonymous]

I do think it’s weird that OP’s kids aren’t invited to her SIL’s wedding. Like, for family that close, you make an exception even if your wedding is otherwise kid-free. Like, really, your nieces aren’t invited to your wedding? I actually can’t imagine. You talk directly to them about how late the kids should stay (if they’re young enough and/or the wedding is going late enough for it to be an issue) and how to make arrangements for a babysitter to come pick them up or whatever. Cousins? Kids’ friends? I’d invite them, but then I have 3 kids. Definitely no obligation to invite.

We’ve been to a few weddings since our kids were born. We’ve brought my parents or MIL (neither live anywhere close by and one lives about as far away as is possible, but we plan our family vacations to make it to good friends’ weddings) or taken the bride & groom up on their offer to help find a hotel sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be firmly in the “no kids at weddings camp”. But then yesterday I took my two kids to a wedding where there were also lots of other kids and it was so cute and fun.

If I could do my wedding over again, I’d include all the kids. There was so much more warmth and laughter with the kids.

x


Not if the kids are misbehaving and their parents are too lazy or drunk to do anything about it. I was at a wedding last year and the baby cried through nearly the entire 45 minute ceremony. It was awful.