People have lower standards for me than themselves/others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides.

Love this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a very low EQ and lack grit.

So for you, your mediocre life is the best you are going to get.

If your EQ was higher you would understand how to be happy with that.

Except I don't lack grit. I've clawed my way up to a professional position that no one thought I'd be able to hack, and I've done well. Just not with other stuff.

How do i raise my EQ?

What is the other stuff, specifically. If you aren't talking about work, I have no idea what you mean.

For example, I started doing triathlons because it sounded fun and a bunch of friends do them. I'm just ok. Not bad, but ok. Not nearly as good as they are, and they think I should be happy with how I'm doing.

[Anonymous]

You cannot be the best at everything. Hell, I'm not the best at anything.

Even attempting a triathlon is a big deal. You should be happy.

You have lots of issues OP, none of which have to do with your friends and their reactions to your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a very low EQ and lack grit.

So for you, your mediocre life is the best you are going to get.

If your EQ was higher you would understand how to be happy with that.

Except I don't lack grit. I've clawed my way up to a professional position that no one thought I'd be able to hack, and I've done well. Just not with other stuff.

How do i raise my EQ?

What is the other stuff, specifically. If you aren't talking about work, I have no idea what you mean.

For example, I started doing triathlons because it sounded fun and a bunch of friends do them. I'm just ok. Not bad, but ok. Not nearly as good as they are, and they think I should be happy with how I'm doing.

But you just started, right? And you're doing better than the vast majority of humans who couldn't even complete one at all, right? And this is a leisure activity, meant to bring you fun, not pressure, right?

If I have this right, your friends are being honest and kind given the factors above and you are being more than a little bit oblivious and tone-deaf in your reaction.

[Anonymous]

You can't raise your EQ but a therapist can help you identify your weaknesses and teach you to fake it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question OP...what would you like people to say to you?

Either nothing or agree that yes, there is something wrong with me.

I can't even imagine how fun that would be for them. Nothing you have written here has suggested that you take ownership of your own reactions and feelings. This sounds like a situation in which yet more of "you" would be offloaded onto other people.

Figure out what you want.
Do it.
If you can or can't, be responsible for your own actions and reactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a very low EQ and lack grit.

So for you, your mediocre life is the best you are going to get.

If your EQ was higher you would understand how to be happy with that.

Except I don't lack grit. I've clawed my way up to a professional position that no one thought I'd be able to hack, and I've done well. Just not with other stuff.

How do i raise my EQ?

What is the other stuff, specifically. If you aren't talking about work, I have no idea what you mean.

For example, I started doing triathlons because it sounded fun and a bunch of friends do them. I'm just ok. Not bad, but ok. Not nearly as good as they are, and they think I should be happy with how I'm doing.

But you just started, right? And you're doing better than the vast majority of humans who couldn't even complete one at all, right? And this is a leisure activity, meant to bring you fun, not pressure, right?

If I have this right, your friends are being honest and kind given the factors above and you are being more than a little bit oblivious and tone-deaf in your reaction.

I'm a little bit of a perfectionist. Even leisure has never been "fun".

[Anonymous]

xcept I don't lack grit. I've clawed my way up to a professional position that no one thought I'd be able to hack, and I've done well.

Grit is not clawing your way to the top. Grit is making it to the top, being knocked to the bottom and bouncing instead of lying there feeling sorry for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Either get better at whatever it is you feel you’re mediocre at or find something at which you excel to get your momentary validation for your life. Or stop caring how good you are and find something you enjoy just for the sake of doing it. Life is not a competition.

Also, they’re probably tired of boosting your self esteem and listening to your whining. So find a way to validate yourself because honestly no one wants to do that for you. I paid my therapist to do it and in time I learned to do that for myself. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a very low EQ and lack grit.

So for you, your mediocre life is the best you are going to get.

If your EQ was higher you would understand how to be happy with that.

Except I don't lack grit. I've clawed my way up to a professional position that no one thought I'd be able to hack, and I've done well. Just not with other stuff.

How do i raise my EQ?

What is the other stuff, specifically. If you aren't talking about work, I have no idea what you mean.

For example, I started doing triathlons because it sounded fun and a bunch of friends do them. I'm just ok. Not bad, but ok. Not nearly as good as they are, and they think I should be happy with how I'm doing.

But you just started, right? And you're doing better than the vast majority of humans who couldn't even complete one at all, right? And this is a leisure activity, meant to bring you fun, not pressure, right?

If I have this right, your friends are being honest and kind given the factors above and you are being more than a little bit oblivious and tone-deaf in your reaction.

I'm a little bit of a perfectionist. Even leisure has never been "fun".

But you blame your friends for not sharing this trait and behaving normally. That's on YOU, not on THEM.

[Anonymous]

You have unrealistic expectations, of yourself and your friends. You are competitive to a fault. If you can’t be better than others right away, you find fault with their behavior rather than face the fact that you just aren’t as good as they are right now.

You start training for a triathlon and you expect to be perfect at it right away? That’s an insane expectation — your body just can’t do that, no matter how much you wish it could. And then a friend who probably has been training longer than you tries to console you, and you have the nerve to call that person patronizing? I’m surprised you have any friends.

You need therapy because your thinking is all messed up.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with high standards but you could have bias views or unconscious bias or even judgemental views without realizing you have them and displaying them through actions or words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have unrealistic expectations, of yourself and your friends. You are competitive to a fault. If you can’t be better than others right away, you find fault with their behavior rather than face the fact that you just aren’t as good as they are right now.

You start training for a triathlon and you expect to be perfect at it right away? That’s an insane expectation — your body just can’t do that, no matter how much you wish it could. And then a friend who probably has been training longer than you tries to console you, and you have the nerve to call that person patronizing? I’m surprised you have any friends.

You need therapy because your thinking is all messed up.

Um, I'm facing that fact. I quit. I know I'm know good at it, and I've accepted that. But regardless of the situation, it IS patronizing to pat someone on the head and tell them it's ok to be bad at something.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are your friends...so they want you to feel good about yourself. That is what friends are for. What do you want them to do? Take you out to the woodshed and knock some sense into you?

Give yourself a break. They have their standards and you have yours. Everyone needs to work with what they have. Everyone has different talents. Maybe you are a good listener, friend, etc. Own what talents you have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have unrealistic expectations, of yourself and your friends. You are competitive to a fault. If you can’t be better than others right away, you find fault with their behavior rather than face the fact that you just aren’t as good as they are right now.

You start training for a triathlon and you expect to be perfect at it right away? That’s an insane expectation — your body just can’t do that, no matter how much you wish it could. And then a friend who probably has been training longer than you tries to console you, and you have the nerve to call that person patronizing? I’m surprised you have any friends.

You need therapy because your thinking is all messed up.

Um, I'm facing that fact. I quit. I know I'm know good at it, and I've accepted that. But regardless of the situation, it IS patronizing to pat someone on the head and tell them it's ok to be bad at something.

No, it isn't, if the point is just to finish and push yourself and you were "good" at achieving these goals. Unless they were literally patting your head like a small child, you really don't seem to understand the difference between patronizing and supporting someone, and you also don't seem to get the point of friendship.

Do you have difficulty in other relationships? Your rigid thinking seems like it would be difficult to navigate in a host of scenarios.