Husband does not initiate sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes will comply when sex requested
Sometimes says no
Never seems interested

I’m at my wits end and sick of feeling rejected. Married 14 years, two kids. 38. Any ideas?

This is how most husbands feel after being married 14 years. It's nice to find a woman on the receiving end.

Sour grapes is never an aphrodisiac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess porn addict and compulsive masturbator

+1

I guess lazy lover. Him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.

Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless

We are many. Solidarity.

[Anonymous]

Look up Avoidant Attachment style. It may not be your husband's issue, but maybe?

[Anonymous]

There are some really helpful suggestions and good support in other threads. It might be helpful to search a bit.

[Anonymous]

Seduction is a beautiful thing, try it.

[Anonymous]

Focus on harnessing your feminine side. The yin. It will light up your actions, movements, and appearance. You will start to feel more calm as a receiver. I would only ever admit this on an anonymous forum but recently I have been thinking of male female anatomy and what clues that gives me in my marriage. I am a gracious receiver and a provider for my children. I’m not kidding! It may ignite the masculine side in your husband that will spill over into the bedroom. Can’t get much worse, give it a try!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.

Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless

I have this problem too. My body is in better shape than when we got married (need an outlet somewhere, found it working out more). Husband has ED and is mainly not interested. Definitely masturbates and watches porn, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up Avoidant Attachment style. It may not be your husband's issue, but maybe?

wow, I've never heard this term before. I googled it and it basically describes my entire life and relationships. I'm Dissmissive Avoidant Attachment.

I knew that I needed to do some work on myself, but never knew how to explain it to anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea about your relationship, but for many men at some point, after years of rejection, they decide its just not worth the fight anymore.

She is the one initiating... So where do you get the idea that there have been "years of rejection"?

This is my situation. My wife has turned me down for years (not each time, but enough that its a real effort), and now at 54 she suddenly wants sex. Well, between years of semi-rejection and me now having lower testosterone levels, I wonder "Why bother?". So I'm on here at 1:00am.

after a visit to youporn.com?

Instead of, actually.

[Anonymous]

http://lauradoyle.org/blog/how-to-attract-your-husband-in-bed/

[Anonymous]

Feel your pain. Got so tired of DW saying no that I don't even bother anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No idea about your relationship, but for many men at some point, after years of rejection, they decide its just not worth the fight anymore.

She is the one initiating... So where do you get the idea that there have been "years of rejection"?

This is my situation. My wife has turned me down for years (not each time, but enough that its a real effort), and now at 54 she suddenly wants sex. Well, between years of semi-rejection and me now having lower testosterone levels, I wonder "Why bother?". So I'm on here at 1:00am.

after a visit to youporn.com?

Instead of, actually.

Marriage is tough. Women's hormones are crazy. We don't know wtf we want.

[Anonymous]

Leave him.

[Anonymous]

My XDH was like this, porn/sex addiction.