Should the ex spouse be mentioned in the obituary?

[Anonymous]

I write obituaries. I can confirm that this is a very personal choice and is a hard decision for many families. Whatever the reason, I’m sure they put thought into it.

[Anonymous]

I think it's standard to leave the ex out.

- ex wife

[Anonymous]

My friend went through this last year. They were married 25 years, but he was very irresponsible when he was younger. He had kids with 2 different women when he was very young...just a mess. They had two together he was close to. He also had a very large family, so his obit included his life and interests. The survivors included Jane (spouse), their children, and many extended family on both sides. It was nicely worded, and worked best for their situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone dies and has an ex and kids, sure.

If someone dies and is remarried with kids plus the kids from the first marriage, no. He would be survived by his wife and children/ not the ex.

Some of you don't seem to get that being divorced means you're no longer family. It's cool if you personally here as a DCUM commenter are still friendly with your ex but generally speaking no, a divorce means you the divorced party don't get family privileges any longer. It would be disrespectful to the new spouse to say the deceased is survived by an ex spouse, and also untrue.

Or some exes are still angry and failed to move on. Regardless they are not family of the deceased. Mostly the kids are listed as survivors along with the spouse.

[Anonymous]

OP why would you think the previous wife would be hurt? She was lucky to have been included at the services. Many would not be invited or allowed. Whoever pays for the obit or funeral has the final say.

[Anonymous]

I think OP needs to stop projecting. That’s how YOU would react (incredibly sad and hurt). You have no idea what the dynamics are within this family. It’s highly likely the ex wasn’t bothered at all, because she’s been over the marriage for some time now.

[Anonymous]

ex wife hurt cause she wasn't mentioned? the obit is not about her it is about the dead guy and intended for the family members of the dead guy. If she wanted to be mentioned then she should not have divorced him.

[Anonymous]

I am on good terms with my XH but if he dies I don't want to be in his obit, simply because I am the second wife, he is remarried a third time and seems like if you mention you, the first wife needs to go in there, too, and see how tacky all that sounds/reads? No thank you ma'am.

[Anonymous]

if you mention ME

[Anonymous]

If you have children together, you are forever family. You have mutual blood relatives.

[Anonymous]

Even in death you want to be the center of attention

[Anonymous]

From my perspective, the ex-spouse should be mentioned (unless there are extenuating circumstances), if for no other reason than the person being a part of the deceased's history, and the obit serving as a recap of said history.

What gets accomplished in erasing the ex from the script? Try as you may, they were there. Only the fragile ego of a new spouse would see fit to leave out an ex, especially if there were children involved...

[Anonymous]

Usually when the ex is mentioned in an obituary it is along the lines of "his first marriage to Larla Jones ended in divorce". The current wife is mentioned as his "loving wife Larlee".

It's a personal choice. Either way the ex doesn't get any sort of top billing. That goes to the deceased's current wife, his kids, his parents, his siblings. Usually.

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have children together, you are forever family. You have mutual blood relatives.

Not true. Tell that to my husband's ex. She worked actively to cut him out of the kids lives. That is not a relative. He would never want her mentioned on anything. Nor would we even tell her she passed.