Distraught - don't know what to do next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give the second up for adoption! I am pro-choice, but really we are talking about grown, married adults bringing this embryo into the world -- don't discard her life so easily just because yours did not work out as planned!

Please sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get an abortion, and figure out how to get some work and line up childcare for the 2 yr old, then file for divorce.

This is what I would do too.

[Anonymous]

I wish there was a medically possible way to transfer unwanted pregnancies to every ninny with an opinion on someone else's abortion choice and have them put their uterus and the next 18 years where their money is.

[Anonymous]

*mouth

[Anonymous]

Who knows if the next guy you meet is going to be any better. Honestly, most are a holes and will find this out as you become older. Be happy you have a baby, your child will always be your support. Men seldom last but your kids will. This is what I would do, try and enjoy your time in Europe being pregnant and put you and your baby first. Don't pick any fights with him, it's pointless. You already know what this guy is about. No sense in making any big changes at this point. Let him think you believe him and are letting it go. Again put you and baby first, forget what this turd does on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I agree there is something off about this entire conversation. She jumped too quick on the abortion idea. Is making too many excuses about why she is in this situation, and yes, the crime is not worthy of a divorce.

What are you talking about? My husband treats me like crap - he's disrespectful, chronically upset about things, dishonest, and now verifiably a cheater. I uprooted my life and put my career on hold to support an opportunity he had in Europe. I'm dependent upon him. This is terrifying. I want to leave him immediately - carrying on a pregnancy alone with a two-year-old while looking for work is untenable.

For people saying it's "just" harmless online flirting and dick pics - please, get over yourselves. He SOUGHT OUT women on Facebook to establish rapport with. He told me he "doesn't know why he needs so much female attention." And this is just what he told me. For all I know he has met up with these women.

Obviously he's been cheating on you for some time. You have to get rid of this idiot. I'm thinking now your best bet is to fly home, have the baby there where you have more support and rights. This relationship is over, he's a scum bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who knows if the next guy you meet is going to be any better. Honestly, most are a holes and will find this out as you become older. Be happy you have a baby, your child will always be your support. Men seldom last but your kids will. This is what I would do, try and enjoy your time in Europe being pregnant and put you and your baby first. Don't pick any fights with him, it's pointless. You already know what this guy is about. No sense in making any big changes at this point. Let him think you believe him and are letting it go. Again put you and baby first, forget what this turd does on the internet.

What a terrible view of men and marriage. You've clearly been badly hurt, but lots of us are in strong, mutually supportive, loving, respectful long term relationships with men who are not assholes. There is zero reason to settle for one. And, no, your kid is not there to support you (emotionally, financially, whatever). It's your job to support them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm don't think having a second child with someone you don't trust sounds like an intelligent decision on your part.

Thanks. We TTC'd PRIOR to my knowing about this.

Prior to him lying about his drinking problem too? You said you haven't trusted him for quite a while now

Re-writing history in her mind, probably. I'm sure he has his problems, but I wouldn't be surprised if, in OP's mind since finding out about the flirtations, the bad stuff from the past is now exaggerated and the good stuff is now minimized.

OP here. I assure you, there's not much "good stuff" to draw on. We've been having serious problems since before our daughter was born.

So then why have a second child with him? I will never understand women like you. You go on and on about how your husband has been a jerk from the beginning and yet you choose to have 2 kids with him. And then can't figure out what to do. You made your bed, suck it up princess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I agree there is something off about this entire conversation. She jumped too quick on the abortion idea. Is making too many excuses about why she is in this situation, and yes, the crime is not worthy of a divorce.

What are you talking about? My husband treats me like crap - he's disrespectful, chronically upset about things, dishonest, and now verifiably a cheater. I uprooted my life and put my career on hold to support an opportunity he had in Europe. I'm dependent upon him. This is terrifying. I want to leave him immediately - carrying on a pregnancy alone with a two-year-old while looking for work is untenable.

For people saying it's "just" harmless online flirting and dick pics - please, get over yourselves. He SOUGHT OUT women on Facebook to establish rapport with. He told me he "doesn't know why he needs so much female attention." And this is just what he told me. For all I know he has met up with these women.

Obviously he's been cheating on you for some time. You have to get rid of this idiot. I'm thinking now your best bet is to fly home, have the baby there where you have more support and rights. This relationship is over, he's a scum bag.

Well considering OP says there have been issues since before the first kid was born, I'm betting she's a doormat who just likes to complain and go on and on about how she needs advice. And then continues to stay with him.

[Anonymous]

There is some really, really bad advice in this thread.

First, consult an attorney. You can't just run back to the States with your toddler and leave him in Europe for legal reasons. That's called kidnapping.

Second, get a therapist. It sounds like you need help in learning about healthy relationships. This is the time to start.

Third, figure out how you're going to support one or two kids on your own. See #1 for figuring out if you can do that back Stateside or if you'll have to do it abroad.

Does he know you're pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is some really, really bad advice in this thread.

First, consult an attorney. You can't just run back to the States with your toddler and leave him in Europe for legal reasons. That's called kidnapping.

Second, get a therapist. It sounds like you need help in learning about healthy relationships. This is the time to start.

Third, figure out how you're going to support one or two kids on your own. See #1 for figuring out if you can do that back Stateside or if you'll have to do it abroad.

Does he know you're pregnant?

I agree - there is some crazy advice here.

He does know I'm pregnant. We TTC and it took the first time. I'm so furious with him for TTC with me while carrying on like this.

I'm feeling so betrayed. The pain is starting to sink in and I'm realizing how much shit I've been dealing with. I feel like a failure but I just don't think I can stay with him. I am so upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I agree there is something off about this entire conversation. She jumped too quick on the abortion idea. Is making too many excuses about why she is in this situation, and yes, the crime is not worthy of a divorce.

What are you talking about? My husband treats me like crap - he's disrespectful, chronically upset about things, dishonest, and now verifiably a cheater. I uprooted my life and put my career on hold to support an opportunity he had in Europe. I'm dependent upon him. This is terrifying. I want to leave him immediately - carrying on a pregnancy alone with a two-year-old while looking for work is untenable.

For people saying it's "just" harmless online flirting and dick pics - please, get over yourselves. He SOUGHT OUT women on Facebook to establish rapport with. He told me he "doesn't know why he needs so much female attention." And this is just what he told me. For all I know he has met up with these women.

Obviously he's been cheating on you for some time. You have to get rid of this idiot. I'm thinking now your best bet is to fly home, have the baby there where you have more support and rights. This relationship is over, he's a scum bag.

Well considering OP says there have been issues since before the first kid was born, I'm betting she's a doormat who just likes to complain and go on and on about how she needs advice. And then continues to stay with him.

It's one thing to have a husband who's occasionally jerky but does have some redeeming qualities - this is where we were. He's in therapy, I just thought things would continue to improve. Learning about this cheating has completely changed my perception and my willingness to work on/stay in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Many European countries have free daycare.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever done counseling together? I feel like it should be attempted before throwing in the towel completely. But of course I don't know the extent of his treatment of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many European countries have free daycare.

Free daycare would start for DD in January.