holding boys back?

[Anonymous]

My mother thought of holding me back (October b-day). She said that I was "immature". She did not do it because I begged to go to school. Yes, I had a few behavioral problems, but no academic problems. I am a doctor, and my residency training took 7 years! Finally at 34 I was done. I would not have been able to take anymore time (marriage and kids). Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

The decision to hold a child back is unique for each child. I just don't think parents should be able to make the decision alone. I think the child should be evaluated by the school and/or some other childhood development specialist. Parents are notoriously bad judges of their children's abilities, their defeciencies, and even their cuteness.

This redshirting trend is becoming commonplace and it is starting to affect the larger community (the schools) because it skews the normal distribution of the class and widens the age range such that teachers have to teach to a wider developmental range.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree with pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point is that the classrooms, in schools where holding back summer boys is the norm, are filled with boys who are MUCH bigger physically than the girls who are over a year younger. There is a difference in maturity between boys and girls and there are differences in physical stature as well. We know that the maturity differences will balance out over time, according to the numerous studies, but the physical differences will not. When a just turned 5 year old girl is on the playground with a 6 year old group of boys it is intimidating.

There are obvious cases where a child needs to be held back, but this practice has become way too common in my opinion. Why not send your 5 year olds to Kindergarten and then decide if it's the right choice or not?

I really think that if there is an obvious case to hold a child back, then a special evaluation is needed. Holding a developmentally delayed child back only hides the problem (which could be as simple as ADD, processing disorder, or dyslexia). He will look good next to those younger kids (in a way). After two years of struggling with college, the child (who will be an adult) will finally get tested and diagnosed. Then he can get the help he needs.

[Anonymous]

Oh by the way, hope your 19 year old sons don't take a shine to someones 15 year old daughter in high school! Legal costs are high.

[Anonymous]

Never listen to teachers and principals on this issue. NCLB brings out the worst in everyone. They want their numbers to look good and an easier time. Check with education experts.

[Anonymous]

21:44 gets to the crux of the issue, at least in terms of the role school systems are playing in driving this trend. The NY Times mag article a PP mentioned references this, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me agree with a previous poster who noted the school systems' role here. We're blaming the parents (which is reasonable), but we also need to hold the schools accountable. I'm in DC, where I'm guessing socio-economic issues make red-shirting in the public schools less prevalent, but in the suburbs -- Arlington, in particular -- I've heard tons of stories of principals and teachers by default encouraging parents of summer/fall children to hold them back. No consideration of individual factors -- it's just the default position.

We live in Arlington and just attended kindergarten night. It was actually a voice of sanity -- they said that there is indeed a wide range of abilities in kindergarten. Some kids will come in reading chapter books, while others will come in not knowing their letters. They even said it's okay if your child is still rolling around on the floor during circle time. More imporantly, and seriously, they said that kids' development isn't static and that by September, kids will be very different, to say nothing of how they'll be at the end of kindergarten.

FWIW, we talked to the principal of the school we plan to send our son to -- she said that with respect to her own child, perhaps holding back would've been good in some ways but the child is in college and doing fine.

At our DC's preschool, this holding back issue is close to an obsession.
Chalk me up as a parent who thinks this whole issue is just crazy. If all the kids with summer b-days stop starting kindergarten at 5, soon all the kids with April and May bdays will follow suit. And where will it end? I think there are some parents who are out for the "advantage" for their kids, but I think more of it has to do with helicopter-parenting and the way we treat our children as such fragile beings who can't cope with a bit of difficulty/challenge/adversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, I'll wade into the muck .... I have a late-July son, and we have recently made the decision that he won't go to kindergarten next year with many of the kids in his preschool/pre-K class. He'll turn 5, then go to "junior kindergarten," then K at 6 yrs, 2 mos.

We have our child-specific reasons, at the forefront is that DS is socially a little slow AND has some slight physical developmental delays. You wouldn't be able to pick these traits out unless you spent considerable time with him, but they're very real.

So, not only is he not quite there with his peers who are *exactly* his age, he's pretty far back from the kids who would actually be in his class if he went to K next year, kids who are 4, 8, 10 mos. older.

Is this gaming the system? Maybe. He'll be starting K with more kids who are closer to him in abilities I think, rather than being behind (like he is now in his preschool class).

And, in our zip code, in the schools where we'll be applying, the boys are indeed a bit older. Admissions directors will tell you that forthrightly. So February boys will still be February boys, but the summer b-day boys wait a year.

Here's what I don't get tho, PPs who expressed dismay at choices like ours: why does the fact that my son will be 6 yrs, 2 mos. when he starts K affect you and your family (based on what I've told you about his abilities)?? He's not going to sit on your average-sized daughter and break her ribs, you know? He probably won't be able to read as well as she does, either.

When they're all 14, DS probably WILL have caught up with your daughter in math acumen, but since they've had the same teachers in the same classes in the same order for all those years, it's not like he's going to surge ahead of her in trigonometry one day, because he's 14 months older."

I think it's one thing if kids face developmental challenges - holding back may well make sense. But preschools these days too are being overly cautious with this stuff, especially with boys. It seems to me, based on our experience, that they're using kindergarten standards to decide whether preschoolers are, at X point in time, ready for kindergarten - even though the kids aren't yet kindergarteners and won't be for nearly another year.

Our DS's preschool class has a number of boys who were held back an extra year -- one mother admitted that the preschool is pretty neurotic about this stuff. Another mom, whose son will have an August b-day, said she probably will hold him back because she doesn't want him being the youngest/smallest.

Our pediatrician's advice (in N. Arlington) was to send our son, who has a summer b-day. His preschool had suggested he wasn't ready - but they've suggested a bunch of hypotheses that extensive testing has not borne out (language delay, sensory disorder). So, go figure!

[Anonymous]

Consider trying private Kindergarten. If the year does not go well, start with K in public school the next year. If the year goes well, go to 1st. At least no one knows that the child has been held back and options are kept open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh by the way, hope your 19 year old sons don't take a shine to someones 15 year old daughter in high school! Legal costs are high.

My son will start kindergarten at 6 years and 2 months. He will still be 18 when he graduates from high school.

[Anonymous]

My son will start kindergarten at 6 years and 2 months. He will still be 18 when he graduates from high school.

just curious in case we go this route, how did you hold back without child knowing? different schools for pre-k than kindergarten?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious--what will parents tell their boys about why they are a year older than others--will you be honest with them and tell them the real reason: that they were "not ready"? "Immature"? How will these boys feel about this? Will they wonder if something is wrong with them? I'm not saying there is, but I have a June-born DS, and I'm wondering.

This would be even more acute if one moved to an area where this was NOT so common.

[Anonymous]

Dont worry about your child being the youngest int he class. I was actually allowed to start school a year early after taking an IQ test and readiness evaluation. I always excelled in school and never felt different or behind other students. Funny enough, I lost my front teeth at the same time as all of the older children in my class.

[Anonymous]

Will they wonder if something is wrong with them?

The older kids in my son's class make fun of the kids who are younger (as in, started on time). So no, they don't seem at all self-conscious. Or mature, for that matter.

When my son told me, all I could think about was that line fro Fiddler on the Roof about being poor: "It's no sin, but it's no great honor, either."