I read a text and wow! What to do now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you read her texts, and you're proud of how she handled it. Tell her you'd like to let the boy's mom know about what he did, but if she's not okay with it, let it rest. It's a text, not a full-on safety issue, so let your daughter have a say in how you proceed.

+1

+1

And to add a story - I had a friend who ended up in a similar situation. She blew her top - called the boys parents and even the school. Only issue? Turned out what she saw on her daughter's phone was not the whole story. Past texts had been deleted. Her daughter had made her own share of sexually explicit comments.

I am not telling you that because I think your daughter did anything wrong - in fact, it sounds like she handled the situation well and was likely, based on her response, not a participant in a two way conversation. But with situations like these parents need to take a moment, take a breathe and look at the bigger picture. You daughter handled it well and you need to create an atmosphere where, should something similar happen, she can come to you, or at minimum, stand up for herself without worrying that her parents will step in and make thing worse. There are certainly situations where parents should step in but I am not sure this is one of them.

[Anonymous]

If you are worried about your daughter being upset with you for sharing the text with the other parent, can you simply give the boy's mom a heads up to check HIS phone? That way you and your daughter aren't really involved, and the mom will still be informed about what her kid is texting to young girls.

[Anonymous]

Do consider that this can migrate, found the YikYak and Kik accounts of my 13 year old, not so fond of what I found there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also agree that you should leave it alone (and be proud of your daughter). Those advising you to tell the boys parents aren't telling you the downside of that advice: the boy could take out his anger on your daughter. I also disagree that children aren't entitled to privacy, I think reading their texts, if you don't have some evidence of a huge problem, is wrong.

How old are your children?

7, 12, 15 and 19. All the same husband too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most boys mature faster then girls when it comes to sex. Every guy I've been with said they started having sex between 11-13 I was much older then that.

They were lying.

Yep.

They surely weren't having sex with 17 year olds. People lie.

[Anonymous]

Leave these imbeciles alone. Get them their gateway drug. Get them their Smart Phone because they need one right?
How did you ever survive without one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most boys mature faster then girls when it comes to sex. Every guy I've been with said they started having sex between 11-13 I was much older then that.

They were lying.

I highly doubt 40 yr old men are lying about this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just let this one be. Believe me, I know how hard that is. But here is why: first, your daughter handled it well. Second, the type of text she received, while inappropriate, was not dangerous. Finally, kids know how to delete texts. As your daughter gets older, there will be things you need to know happening via text. It's much better to be a stealth checker, only coming out for true urgencies, than driving your kid right away into secret text land.

Parents who say your kids know you check their phones: I'd bet a significant percentage are using kik, snapchat, Facebook messenger, and other non-text ways of messaging so you don't see. Or they are just deleting their texts. All that just makes them harder to monitor.

This is wise advice.
As a mom of two teens I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so happy she wrote that! She is so far from that and naive. I am going to tell her this weekend that we will not allowed her to date, go out or what ever it is called until she is 16. Blame the parent. Too much can happen at such a young age. That boy is a pig!

Mom of a 15-year-old boy and 20 yr. old girl. I've been there, please please don't do the above. She will see that you are punishing her for 1. your violation of her privacy, 2. her appropriate disapproval to an inappropriate comment and 3. her lack of experience with jerks like these boys.

Please don't do this. Confess to reading the text, tell her it won't happen again, talk to her about boys' hormones and maturity in a light-hearted vein so you two can laugh about it, suggest she not go, but let it be her decision, and, if she still wants to go out with this jerk, ask her to tell you how she will stay safe and how you can support it.

The main thing adolescents need and that will keep them safe is to know they are loved, trusted, and supported.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most boys mature faster then girls when it comes to sex. Every guy I've been with said they started having sex between 11-13 I was much older then that.

They were lying.

I highly doubt 40 yr old men are lying about this

LOL Every guy thinks he is "cool" by bragging (true or not) he was having sex at 12!
I actually find it quite embarrassing for the guy to confess this. It shows his self-centeredness as he clearly was having sex at that age to HIS PURE enjoyment of sticking his penis in something instead of truly caring about the girl with the vagina.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Especially this very pushy boy." Talk to your husband or another male. How would they have handled the internet at 13/14/15? This boy isn't unique. He's a boy.

Actually more accurately, he's a boy who hasn't been taught respect of girls by his parents. He has been taught, sex, sex, sex by our culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so happy she wrote that! She is so far from that and naive. I am going to tell her this weekend that we will not allowed her to date, go out or what ever it is called until she is 16. Blame the parent. Too much can happen at such a young age. That boy is a pig!

Mom of a 15-year-old boy and 20 yr. old girl. I've been there, please please don't do the above. She will see that you are punishing her for 1. your violation of her privacy, 2. her appropriate disapproval to an inappropriate comment and 3. her lack of experience with jerks like these boys.

Please don't do this. Confess to reading the text, tell her it won't happen again, talk to her about boys' hormones and maturity in a light-hearted vein so you two can laugh about it, suggest she not go, but let it be her decision, and, if she still wants to go out with this jerk, ask her to tell you how she will stay safe and how you can support it.

The main thing adolescents need and that will keep them safe is to know they are loved, trusted, and supported.

I seriously disagree. A parent's job is to keep the child safe. My kids have no expectation of privacy when it comes to their phones. We pay for them, plus the children themselves are our responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most boys mature faster then girls when it comes to sex. Every guy I've been with said they started having sex between 11-13 I was much older then that.

They were lying.

I highly doubt 40 yr old men are lying about this

I don't doubt at all that 40 year old men would lie about this and stats on sexual behavior in teens should back that up.

[Anonymous]

Complete wimp parents on this board. How embarrassing.
The reason why you won't read the texts again is that you know what you'll find. Sucks to be you.