How do you deal with the humiliation of labor?

[Anonymous]

I had an unplanned c-section and honestly, I was just relieved my baby was okay. I had PE and things could've gone either way so the relief is the only feeling I had. A very nice intern came in a few hours after birth to clean my private parts (I also had HELLP and bled all over the place). She was so sweet and she just went on and on about how adorable my son was. I think I cried when she was about to leave b/c she was just so nice. Embarrassment was the last thought in my mind. You'll see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think of it as good practice for when you have a toddler who can speak. Loudly. You'll be embarrassed constantly.

HA HA HA HA! Best comment ever!

[Anonymous]

I am a pretty private person. When I was pushing, the midwife asked if I minded having a med student observe, I said "yeah, fine, everyone else has seen my vagina today." That's how much you won't care

[Anonymous]

Wow, nearly every response on these 4 pages surprised me a bit. It never occurred to me to feel humiliated! I was with a midwife for all 3 of my (no meds) births and all she drilled into me was how amazing & powerful I was. You are birthing a human being, introducing new life to the world. It's incredible!!! I do agree with many others who say that once you're in labor, you couldn't care less about modesty & definitely none of the hosp staff will think 2x about anything as they've seen it a zillion times before. I'm pretty sure that no matter what happens (epi, no epi, vaginal, c-section, pooping or not) you're partner is going to think you are super woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Salvation Army Band could've paraded through the room while I pooped during delivery, and I wouldn't have cared. I promise.

I definitely cared when I got out of bed the first time after giving birth, and there was a big pile of crap right on the bed. I didn't even knew that I'd pooped myself. The nurse just grabbed the sheets into a ball and threw them in the huge biohazard bin. I asked her if she could flush it first, and she didn't act like it was a big deal. Then I fainted on the toilet and they had to bring me back with smelling salts. They just wanted to get me back in a wheelchair, and I was begging to wipe my behind. They finally agreed and storm next to me holding me up. Then I got poop on my hand. I was mortified. They couldn't have cared less.
You also talked about pain, but if you are going to get the epi, you can get it whenever you want. I had zero pain with my first. I got the epidural early since I knew shift change was coming, and I didn't want the pain to start and have to wait in agony. I didn't feel anything at all. Your husband will also be asked to hold a leg. There's just one nurse and a doctor. Everyone is cheering for you, and it's hard work. I am the it's modest person in the world, and I didn't care at all about who saw what when I was pushing (and it took 4 hours).

Omg I love y and the post! I too shut ALL over the delivery table and had NO idea. My Dah informed me after when I proudly confirmed that I had not popped and he just smiled lol. I th get the nurse was just wiping the blood but apparently it was my shit. Thank you for Rio Grande!!!

But honestly I was in so much pain I did not give a rats ass!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Salvation Army Band could've paraded through the room while I pooped during delivery, and I wouldn't have cared. I promise.

I definitely cared when I got out of bed the first time after giving birth, and there was a big pile of crap right on the bed. I didn't even knew that I'd pooped myself. The nurse just grabbed the sheets into a ball and threw them in the huge biohazard bin. I asked her if she could flush it first, and she didn't act like it was a big deal. Then I fainted on the toilet and they had to bring me back with smelling salts. They just wanted to get me back in a wheelchair, and I was begging to wipe my behind. They finally agreed and storm next to me holding me up. Then I got poop on my hand. I was mortified. They couldn't have cared less.
You also talked about pain, but if you are going to get the epi, you can get it whenever you want. I had zero pain with my first. I got the epidural early since I knew shift change was coming, and I didn't want the pain to start and have to wait in agony. I didn't feel anything at all. Your husband will also be asked to hold a leg. There's just one nurse and a doctor. Everyone is cheering for you, and it's hard work. I am the it's modest person in the world, and I didn't care at all about who saw what when I was pushing (and it took 4 hours).

Omg I love y and the post! I too shut ALL over the delivery table and had NO idea. My Dah informed me after when I proudly confirmed that I had not popped and he just smiled lol. I th get the nurse was just wiping the blood but apparently it was my shit. Thank you for Rio Grande!!!

But honestly I was in so much pain I did not give a rats ass!

Ugh stupid autocorrect. I'm meant "you" "shit" and "DH"

[Anonymous]

I was concerned that I wouldn't be comfortable with lots of people around. One of the reasons I had a home birth (two actually). Best decision I ever made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm pregnant for the third time and right there with you. I TOTALLY care about being naked and splayed open! And yes, even after the pain started.

Here's what I've done and will do again:

1. I sleep naked sometimes, or just in panties. Just to kind of ... get comfortable with being naked.
2. My husband knows he is to stay near my head.
3. My midwife and the doula are the only two people looking between my legs. Nobody else comes in, unless there's some sort of issue too big for them to handle.

We've done it this way twice and it's worked out just fine. Except that last time after DD's head was out the midwife said "Hey DH, want to deliver your baby?" and he reached over, pulled her the rest of the way out and saw my vagina. Which did not thrill me, but he's never mentioned anything about that specifically, and we're pregnant again so clearly he's not too grossed out to have sex with me.

It's one thing to be nervous about being naked in front of people...but you have to practice being naked on your own? Are you a nevernude?

Get your own cut offs.

[Anonymous]

I am loving the never nude comments interspersed in here!

Hire a doula and have one of her main jobs be protecting your modesty, or what remains of it in labor. I think it's nice to pull a sheet over your breasts and body or to have her hand warm towels to the OB to keep your bottom tidy. She'll make sure the door is closed and the lights are dim. They may see this a 100 times a day but it's never happened to you before, and you're allowed to plan to birth with dignity.

[Anonymous]

I had an epidural and wasn't blinded by pain to the point that I didn't care anymore about modesty. I still very much cared and had been tense for weeks worrying about being splayed out naked and humiliated. Despite my fears, I actually felt very "protected" and not out for display when it came down to showtime. I had a gown and a blanket, I put my knees up and held my own legs, and the doctor was the only one down there and she was calm and gentle and let me go at my own pace. No one peeked below the waist and everyone was way too busy with baby afterwards to be up in my business. I was pleasantly surprised by how it all went down, and even though I saw the GARBAGE bag of goo and poo and nastiness afterwards, I gotta say I never felt like it was the literal s***show I thought it was going to be.

You can always mention to your doc/nurses that you're stressed about the naked and splayed thing and ask for them to help you feel more comfortable. Good luck and congrats to you!! You'll do great.

Ps I freaked when my water broke as I was standing by the bed and my nurse was awesome. She told me to let it fly and cheered when she spotted my mucus plug floating by. Ha!! I felt much better. what a saint she was

[Anonymous]

My water broke and splashed all over the midwife'a face. She just flipped her head to the side and went right back in.

[Anonymous]

One of the most useful things I learned in Bradley was the emotional signposts of labor. loss of modesty is one of them. It is hormonally mediated. It's like that part of your brain just shuts off. Your human functions like modesty and language wear very thin and at times break down completely, and you are faced with the fact that you are actually an animal executing a biological program. I personally found that awesome, but then I am a biologist and was already quite OK with the concept.

If you are having pain meds, it's probably different, they probably suppress the hormones involved to a degree, but I have no idea how much. Sounds like not much, based on this thread, since I doubt everyone posting here about losing all modesty went unmedicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hah! I have an immigrant story for you. I come from a very conservative culture. I had not even ever had a pap smear until I married and came to this country.

So, when the labor pain started and I landed up in the hospital I was relieved to see the old fatherly male doctor who was my OB/Gyn. He had already seen me down there and so I would not have to have someone new look at me there. See, I was trying to limit the number of people who had seen my hoohah!

Anyways - the labor starts in earnest. My modesty rapidly flies out of the window in the face of the relentless pain. I was exhausted from the long labor and the pushing was not budging the baby. Suddenly, two men look inside the room. They were EMTs in training and they needed to assist with birth as a requirement for the certification. Would I mind if they came in and witnessed?

By that time, the nurse was pushing back on my leg and shouting..."push, push, push". I looked at the EMTs and yelled " Don't just stand there, Hold my leg back" . So these EMTs are holding my leg back and I am pushing and swearing. I am sure I pooped and peed and bled and what not. Anyways the baby comes out and then I am crying and we took a picture with all of them. I did not care that unknown men had seen this whole thing or that I soiled myself.

Many years later, I am still shy about going to my OB/Gyn. I still skip my pap-smears regularly. However, I have no feeling of embarrassment or humiliation about my experience with childbirth. I felt such an high afterwords like I was the most incredible woman who had accomplished the most awesome thing in the world! Seriously.

LOVED THIS POST!!!

[Anonymous]

To all the posters who were especially embarrassed about having pooped / the possibility of pooping, why didn't you just request an enema when you arrived at the hospital?

[Anonymous]

Who the hell gets enemas in this day and age? Would not even occur to me that people would do that. And in that q&a with the l&d nurse she said drs and nurses laugh if you ask for that.

Do you give yourself enemas on a regular basis? Weird.