Do you think parents who volunteer and donate more to schools deserve better treatment for their child?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty blurred line, slippery slope… I don’t think they should get preferential treatment. But I did volunteer a lot, which put me in the front office a lot, and face time in passing with lots of teachers and students. It gave me an advantage in that I had a better sense of which teachers cared, which students needed remedial help, which students were goofs whom I’d rather not have my child grouped with. Did the school say “Oh thanks so much for volunteering and donating generously. Please take first pick of teachers and tell us of any friend group issues!”? No. But I was able to have conversations which naturally happened over time and over being around the school a lot.

You are the type that teachers don’t like. Using volunteering so that you gossip and snoop. Why would you make it your business to know who needed academic help and why would you need to. The only way you would know is if you rummaged through their files and found the IEP packets.

And you’re observing kids to find the kids who are “goofs” whatever that means. Such a valuable resource you are 🤮

Rummaging around to find IEP files? Have you spent any time volunteering at school or in classrooms? You can be a class reader for 15 minutes and know right away which children are problematic. They have an aide or are constantly being primed by the teacher. Everybody who volunteers knows who these one or two kids are. I don’t gossip about that, so if you don’t volunteer, you don’t know.

Our schools don't use parents to come in and read. Not only for the reason of parents gossiping about children but it’s just not helpful. Parents go in when invited for a demonstration or show of artwork in the younger years. I know I’ve never noticed who has the aide or who is disruptive.

Well, then I guess you are just not observant. Or you are so focused on Larlo that you are oblivious to everyone and everything else around you. To the rest of us, it's clear. Or maybe Larlo IS the problem child.

Da fook is wrong wit you

+1

Parents also often get this wrong. They think they understand the personalities of other kids but they misunderstand their own biases and they are only getting a little snapshot. Kids are complex, and they are changing all the time. Your children need to learn to deal with different kinds of personalities. Just because a child said or did something that you found annoying or troublemaking during the 20 minutes you were in the classroom does not mean your child should be segregated from them. Also you probably don't realize that your kid acts differently when you are in the classroom than when you aren't, and another parent could reach the exact same conclusion about your kid that you are drawing about another, also unfairly.

Parents who take the mentality of "who is the problem kid? I need to get my kid away from them" are missing the forrest for the trees.

I keep try to keep my kids away from the ones who are violent or bullying, and there's at least a couple of those in every class we've ever had. Your attitude comes at the expense of kids who are hurt, sometimes killed, by the "complex, changing all the times" kids you're sticking up for.

DP.

I’d rather have the PTA people getting perks for volunteering than crazy parents who are spying during story time.

[Anonymous]

I think by volunteering you are seems and so are your kids. I’m not preferential treatment is happening consciously, but yes, you get seen and heard and obviously that benefits your child.

[Anonymous]

"PTA perks" is definitely a thing and I don't really care. To some extent I view the PTA as an organization that exists for its own benefit. It does have a fundraising purpose, and when those funds go to the school itself to support teachers and kids, that's great. We always donate to the general fund for this reason.

But a lot of PTA activities happen because people on the PTA like to do them. A lot of the events and projects are just some parent thinking it would be fun (either for their kids or them, or both) and then planning and executing it. That's also fine with me, community is good, even though these events are rarely how I want to spend my time. But if people want to give "perks" at these events to the parents who dedicate time to planning and executing them, have at it! Seems perfectly fair.

No family should get a "perk" like selecting their child's classroom assignment, better or increased attention from teachers for their kids, access to academic resources like tutoring or certain peer groups, etc. For any reason. Parents who try to stage manage that stuff are toxic to school communities, regardless of whether they volunteer, donate money, or not. Don't.

[Anonymous]

My kids are now in middle/high school but I have spent all of their school years volunteering, including serving as PTA president. I have always tried hard to not get preferential treatment for my kids because I didn't want other parents volunteering in order to pull favors from the administration. I was always very careful to not ask for any special considerations as I didn't want PTA to be viewed that way.

However, I will say that I have found that other parents judge the more involved parents more harshly when their kids do make mistakes. And they expect that because I am a "community leader", I should be more apologetic when my kid has had behavioral issues. Yes, people have said that to me. And it made me understand that they expect more of my kids too, just because of the positions that I have chosen to hold. And that's not fair. They are good kids but they aren't perfect and neither of us deserve to be scrutinized more than any other parent or child because of volunteer work that is supposed to benefit the school community. So I took a step back. Because I don't need that and neither do my kids.

OP, I would give these parents the benefit of the doubt that they are volunteering for the right reasons and not to get ahead. And if their kids do get into trouble, give them some grace. It sucks to deal with school discipline issues as it is. Its even worse when people are judging you when you are trying to navigate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think by volunteering you are seems and so are your kids. I’m not preferential treatment is happening consciously, but yes, you get seen and heard and obviously that benefits your child.

Depends on the volunteering. I've volunteered many times at each of my kids' schools, but prefer behind the scenes and low key stuff like chaperoning field trips, helping with set up for an event, that kind of thing.

Some parents choose or are chosen for more visible volunteering roles. That's a-ok -- I don't actually want to do that stuff, because I'm kind of shy and not super social and just don't have the personality or skill set for anything that is going to require me to talk to lots of people or interface with school administration.

But only the latter ensures that a parent and their kids are more "seen" than others. I can tell you from experience that you can volunteer a couple times a month for years at a school and still have admin look at you blankly because they don't know your name or who your kid is. So volunteering does not automatically result in that kind of treatment. Only certain kinds of volunteer roles (PTA board, mainly, in my experience).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now in middle/high school but I have spent all of their school years volunteering, including serving as PTA president. I have always tried hard to not get preferential treatment for my kids because I didn't want other parents volunteering in order to pull favors from the administration. I was always very careful to not ask for any special considerations as I didn't want PTA to be viewed that way.

However, I will say that I have found that other parents judge the more involved parents more harshly when their kids do make mistakes. And they expect that because I am a "community leader", I should be more apologetic when my kid has had behavioral issues. Yes, people have said that to me. And it made me understand that they expect more of my kids too, just because of the positions that I have chosen to hold. And that's not fair. They are good kids but they aren't perfect and neither of us deserve to be scrutinized more than any other parent or child because of volunteer work that is supposed to benefit the school community. So I took a step back. Because I don't need that and neither do my kids.

OP, I would give these parents the benefit of the doubt that they are volunteering for the right reasons and not to get ahead. And if their kids do get into trouble, give them some grace. It sucks to deal with school discipline issues as it is. Its even worse when people are judging you when you are trying to navigate it.

I believe that this was your experience, but I have also experienced a PTA president who explicitly leveraged her role to get certain favors for her kids. Like threatened to quit her role (and leave the PTA in the lurch right before school started) if the school didn't give one of her kids something she really wanted. How do I know this? Because she told me she did it. Proudly! Like "duh anyone would do this, I work so hard, they owe me."

So sometimes the resentment towards PTA members is justified. It just depends on the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, they should not. However, being involved is a way to develop one's background knowledge and awareness and that information sometimes leads to making a request that others wouldn't think to make.

Not sure what “requests” you’re imagining. Public schools generally don’t operate that way. Maybe that’s a private‑school dynamic, but in FCPS it’s a nonstarter. I’m a frequent volunteer and would never even consider asking for a favor, and my kid would be mortified at the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"PTA perks" is definitely a thing and I don't really care. To some extent I view the PTA as an organization that exists for its own benefit. It does have a fundraising purpose, and when those funds go to the school itself to support teachers and kids, that's great. We always donate to the general fund for this reason.

But a lot of PTA activities happen because people on the PTA like to do them. A lot of the events and projects are just some parent thinking it would be fun (either for their kids or them, or both) and then planning and executing it. That's also fine with me, community is good, even though these events are rarely how I want to spend my time. But if people want to give "perks" at these events to the parents who dedicate time to planning and executing them, have at it! Seems perfectly fair.

No family should get a "perk" like selecting their child's classroom assignment, better or increased attention from teachers for their kids, access to academic resources like tutoring or certain peer groups, etc. For any reason. Parents who try to stage manage that stuff are toxic to school communities, regardless of whether they volunteer, donate money, or not. Don't.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now in middle/high school but I have spent all of their school years volunteering, including serving as PTA president. I have always tried hard to not get preferential treatment for my kids because I didn't want other parents volunteering in order to pull favors from the administration. I was always very careful to not ask for any special considerations as I didn't want PTA to be viewed that way.

However, I will say that I have found that other parents judge the more involved parents more harshly when their kids do make mistakes. And they expect that because I am a "community leader", I should be more apologetic when my kid has had behavioral issues. Yes, people have said that to me. And it made me understand that they expect more of my kids too, just because of the positions that I have chosen to hold. And that's not fair. They are good kids but they aren't perfect and neither of us deserve to be scrutinized more than any other parent or child because of volunteer work that is supposed to benefit the school community. So I took a step back. Because I don't need that and neither do my kids.

OP, I would give these parents the benefit of the doubt that they are volunteering for the right reasons and not to get ahead. And if their kids do get into trouble, give them some grace. It sucks to deal with school discipline issues as it is. Its even worse when people are judging you when you are trying to navigate it.

I believe that this was your experience, but I have also experienced a PTA president who explicitly leveraged her role to get certain favors for her kids. Like threatened to quit her role (and leave the PTA in the lurch right before school started) if the school didn't give one of her kids something she really wanted. How do I know this? Because she told me she did it. Proudly! Like "duh anyone would do this, I work so hard, they owe me."

So sometimes the resentment towards PTA members is justified. It just depends on the situation.

PP here. I don't doubt there are those who operate that way. But I hope that's the norm and it hasn't been in my experience. That's the opposite of what PTA should be. Heck, maybe we would have an easier time getting volunteers if we did operate that way at our school. Instead it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

[Anonymous]

I volunteered a lot, I donated a lot, and I was a PTA board member for years.

My kids were model students. High achieving, well behaved, well prepared, no drama, rule followers. I did not need any special favors from the school and my kids academic records did not need propping from me or the teachers.

The reason I was involved in the school was that I could bring academic enrichment and EC opportunities to the school by being in PTA. The administration could not stop me. PTA gave me a platform and a seat on the table and I could do a lot for the school, so that my kid also benefited in that environment. Which also meant that I busted my butt for the school without pay - because what would they do? Fire me from the volunteer position?

So, I basically made the school a safe, educational, happy place for ALL students. My kids only saw that part of the school-life and their K-12 journey remained fruitful and joyful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think by volunteering you are seems and so are your kids. I’m not preferential treatment is happening consciously, but yes, you get seen and heard and obviously that benefits your child.

I don’t know what you think volunteers are up to, but I’m usually in a room by myself getting a task done. It’s a workday for the staff, so I stay out of the way. It’s not a time to chat, make requests, or gather “intel.” And no one is flipping through IEPs - those aren’t even paper anymore - and the digital revolution brought us things like computers and electronic files where those things are securely stored. This isn’t a 1980s teen movie.

If I run into someone I know, I’ll say hello. That’s it. Anyone who’s actually volunteered knows it’s not the backstage pass or country club atmosphere some people have invented.

[Anonymous]

Definitely. We volunteered all the time in elementary school, when it came time for the AAP application, we kind of just left it to the teachers to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. We volunteered all the time in elementary school, when it came time for the AAP application, we kind of just left it to the teachers to handle it.

What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think by volunteering you are seems and so are your kids. I’m not preferential treatment is happening consciously, but yes, you get seen and heard and obviously that benefits your child.

Depends on the volunteering. I've volunteered many times at each of my kids' schools, but prefer behind the scenes and low key stuff like chaperoning field trips, helping with set up for an event, that kind of thing.

Some parents choose or are chosen for more visible volunteering roles. That's a-ok -- I don't actually want to do that stuff, because I'm kind of shy and not super social and just don't have the personality or skill set for anything that is going to require me to talk to lots of people or interface with school administration.

But only the latter ensures that a parent and their kids are more "seen" than others. I can tell you from experience that you can volunteer a couple times a month for years at a school and still have admin look at you blankly because they don't know your name or who your kid is. So volunteering does not automatically result in that kind of treatment. Only certain kinds of volunteer roles (PTA board, mainly, in my experience).

PTAs usually operate with several committees and plenty of people involved via volunteerism not selection, so it’s rarely the exclusive setup you’re describing. Meetings are open to all families, whether they’ve officially joined or not. If you want to get a clearer sense of how things run, attending your school’s parent‑teacher organization meeting is the easiest way to do that.

If that’s not your jam, it’s still hard to imagine someone volunteering multiple times a month and remaining completely unknown to staff. And if you’re naturally more reserved, that’s something you need to reconcile and find a strategy for yourself with wanting more visibility from admin. At my FCPS school, volunteers are greeted warmly in the front office, but the principal isn’t hanging out by the check‑in area.