How often do you tell your children no when it comes to affection?

[Anonymous]

I am not a touchy feely person at all. My son is overly affectionate. I tell him no at times. When I come home from work? I am a bit burned out and need a reset. I can’t do hugs right then and there.

Additionally, I am a SPED teacher and I get touched every single day multiple times a day by students that are three times my size. I have to tell them no. No, you can’t touch my body right now. No, my hair is part of my body, don’t touch it. No, your hugs hurt my arm because you squeeze hard. No, your hands visibly dirty, no hugs right now.

My needs and wants are just as important as others even when those others are my children or special needs children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a touchy feely person at all. My son is overly affectionate. I tell him no at times. When I come home from work? I am a bit burned out and need a reset. I can’t do hugs right then and there.

Additionally, I am a SPED teacher and I get touched every single day multiple times a day by students that are three times my size. I have to tell them no. No, you can’t touch my body right now. No, my hair is part of my body, don’t touch it. No, your hugs hurt my arm because you squeeze hard. No, your hands visibly dirty, no hugs right now.

My needs and wants are just as important as others even when those others are my children or special needs children.

At work, the kids need to learn to ask before touching you.

But I feel sorry for your kid at home who, when they had a rough day at school and want a hug, you tell them no, because you did too? That's backwards to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a touchy feely person at all. My son is overly affectionate. I tell him no at times. When I come home from work? I am a bit burned out and need a reset. I can’t do hugs right then and there.

Additionally, I am a SPED teacher and I get touched every single day multiple times a day by students that are three times my size. I have to tell them no. No, you can’t touch my body right now. No, my hair is part of my body, don’t touch it. No, your hugs hurt my arm because you squeeze hard. No, your hands visibly dirty, no hugs right now.

My needs and wants are just as important as others even when those others are my children or special needs children.

You’re a monster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I think I’m very affectionate, but I have an almost 14 year old who still wants me to put her to bed every night. By which I mean, she wants me to read while she “does her skin care routine,” have protracted discussions about what to wear the next day and then endlessly chat about whatever until she gets sleepy. It is like a 45 minute ritual. And she is now old enough that this might start as late as 9:15 at which point I’m exhausted. So I sometimes say “no” and that upsets her quite a bit. But really, I deserve my own time sometimes.

That said, I will be sad when this stops.

A teen who wants to talk to you? Who would ever turn that down?

I’m the poster with the 14 year old that wants to endlessly talk. And yes, I know how lucky I am. But I also still say no sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kid would come in and want extra snuggles and I was exhausted (so, not often at all), I'd say that I'm very tired and ask him to tuck ME in. That works great.

Your story sounds a bit off. Either you are not getting the full story or the mom in question has serious issues.

This is OP. I’ve seen her do it
Kid comes home from school:”can I have a hug”
Mom: “no, you’re really needy. I feel like you’re not giving me space”

[Anonymous]

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon…..

[Anonymous]

What? I never turn away affection from my kids, aside from a gentle nudge to separate at drop-off if they're having trouble parting ways. Children need a ton of affection in order to develop a healthy sense of safety, love, and attachment to their caregivers.

[Anonymous]

That's awful for her kids in my opinion. I never deny a hug etc if I am well. I have said no if I was really sick/in the middle of painful nerve spasms. I'm a tactile person and so are both my kids. And they are still ES age and super snuggly. I occasionally feel out touched with my youngest if she wants to lean or sit in my lap after dinner (she's 6) so I redirect and tell her to wait after I'm done eating or go to daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend that frequently tells their children “no” when they ask for things like hugs or to be tucked in. She feels they are too needy/clingy and wants more boundaries and for them to be more independent/self soothe. Is this something you’ve seen or do?

Are you serious? Never, if my kid wants a hug and a kiss I always give it to them. I can't imagine not! This is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Most of these replies are crazy. I teach my kids especially my boys consent from an early age and that there are different types of affection and affection needs. Giving when I don’t have just would breed resentment on my part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kid would come in and want extra snuggles and I was exhausted (so, not often at all), I'd say that I'm very tired and ask him to tuck ME in. That works great.

Your story sounds a bit off. Either you are not getting the full story or the mom in question has serious issues.

This is OP. I’ve seen her do it
Kid comes home from school:”can I have a hug”
Mom: “no, you’re really needy. I feel like you’re not giving me space”

I'm the PP above with a very snuggly kid who sometimes redirected that so that my kid could do other developmentally appropriate things, or I could get something done, or attend to his sibling. But that's not at all what it looked like. That seems really unreasonable.

It might look like a quick hug at the door, and then "please put your backpack away and wash your hands while I get a snack on the table." and then more cuddles after those things were accomplished.

I think the only time I said "you aren't giving me space" was when my kids were in the stage of following me in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of these replies are crazy. I teach my kids especially my boys consent from an early age and that there are different types of affection and affection needs. Giving when I don’t have just would breed resentment on my part.

They can learn about consent from many but they can only get unconditional love from a few. You have placed your paranoia above your obligation to love and nurture your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these replies are crazy. I teach my kids especially my boys consent from an early age and that there are different types of affection and affection needs. Giving when I don’t have just would breed resentment on my part.

They can learn about consent from many but they can only get unconditional love from a few. You have placed your paranoia above your obligation to love and nurture your children.

Love doesn't mean they own my body. Another lesson i want them to learn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a touchy feely person at all. My son is overly affectionate. I tell him no at times. When I come home from work? I am a bit burned out and need a reset. I can’t do hugs right then and there.

Additionally, I am a SPED teacher and I get touched every single day multiple times a day by students that are three times my size. I have to tell them no. No, you can’t touch my body right now. No, my hair is part of my body, don’t touch it. No, your hugs hurt my arm because you squeeze hard. No, your hands visibly dirty, no hugs right now.

My needs and wants are just as important as others even when those others are my children or special needs children.

I think this is totally valid. I also think it’s a very different thing from telling a child no because you want them to be more emotionally independent. What you’re doing is teaching your child to be mindful of other people’s needs, such as yours. That is valid and good.

[Anonymous]

I never deny them physical affection.