Main reason for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of validation, appreciation, support, respect, and genuine care leading to resentment, disconnection, and contempt aided by poor communication. Often on both sides.

This is my marriage. Can’t quite bring myself to leave, but I feel trapped.

We are currently reading the book “ Getting the Love You Want” - very helpful with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:honestly, women realizing what they thought they needed and wanted they don't; and that perimenopause and middle-aged male anger/ego don't mesh well together.

Femcels vs MAGA.

There are no winners.

You can’t possibly be equating women who voluntarily choose to not be with a man and live a peaceful, productive life on their own with hateful, violent, misogynistic maga men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexless marraige here

I don't believe it. Did you go to your spouse and repeatedly say we need to divorce if we don't have sex, and then go to counseling to try to get past it, and your spouse still said No, I won't have sex, so I guess let's divorce?

OR is that your excuse? did you find an affair partner, because you were a coward and wouldn't communicate with your spouse about your wants/needs and mismatch in sexual expectations?
I/therapists/divorce lawyers have found the latter to be true.

Not that OP but did not have sex for 7 years of out of a 10-year marriage. Married at 32 and divorced at 42. It was not really a factor in the divorce...just another of many other issues.

[Anonymous]

Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

[Anonymous]

My ex started cheating on me with a particular nurse a long time ago.

That absolute salope putaine had the audacity to say, "I don't want to steal your husband, I have had two husbands, being married sucks !!! But if you want to have coffee with me one day let me know"

I literally lost my mind at that time, and then when I found out he was living with her and her kids I had my nervous breakdown

Like I totally stopped functioning.

[Anonymous]

The two guys I know who divorced their wives after 15 years of marriage were both because they found out their wives were pretty much hoes in their youth.

[Anonymous]

If you ask a divorced couple, you're likely to get different answers from the husband and wife. Neither was satisfied, but for other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

Agree. One spouse just would not or could not grow up once married either kids and a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

You defined verbal abuse which can be a component of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse exists where there is a significant imbalance in power within the couple. When one party is modulating their behavior to avoid punishment from the other and is triangulating around someone else’s moods and doesn’t have autonomy to make decisions big and small and when reality is defined by only the power person. It’s not about not having your ass kissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The two guys I know who divorced their wives after 15 years of marriage were both because they found out their wives were pretty much hoes in their youth.

Do you mean the wives cheated on them, or they just were promiscuous before they got married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

You defined verbal abuse which can be a component of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse exists where there is a significant imbalance in power within the couple. When one party is modulating their behavior to avoid punishment from the other and is triangulating around someone else’s moods and doesn’t have autonomy to make decisions big and small and when reality is defined by only the power person. It’s not about not having your ass kissed.

is it a perceived or actual power imbalance? what kind of punishment is doled out?
not making a decision- meaning does 1 person decide how every dollar is spent and every child decision is made?
what automony is taken away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money & Sex

Not sure why the thread continued after this. But these are the answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

You defined verbal abuse which can be a component of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse exists where there is a significant imbalance in power within the couple. When one party is modulating their behavior to avoid punishment from the other and is triangulating around someone else’s moods and doesn’t have autonomy to make decisions big and small and when reality is defined by only the power person. It’s not about not having your ass kissed.

Emotional and/or psychological abuse is the constant destabilizing behavior patterns by the abuser - stonewalling, gaslighting, deflecting, attacking, excuses, belittling, lying, omitting, passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

If you find yourself trying to have a “discussion” with someone and, instead of problem solving together or compromising or resolving the conflict, they change the subject, bring up the past, accuse you of something else, get defensive and never resolve the conflict, then you are likely “speaking” with someone with real issues. Possibly an emotional abuser if they usually do this.

Keep a logbook and don’t get lost in the fog.