Dislike DS’s GF

[Anonymous]

I think it's odd she's not working. Are her parents very wealthy and she is an heiress? To me it's completely different from the dd of a poster on this thread who works at a grocery store. That young woman works. Not working is imo very very odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They'll figure it out, not your problem. In this day and age, social pressure would push her into doing some reason to go out of the house, no matter a job, business, art, charity etc.

You should appreciate that she is nice, has supportive family, college degree and is honest. At least she isn't duping your son by pretending to be a working girl with some temporary entry level job, make believe business or social influencer gig.

+1

I’m sure there are plenty of young women who are not super career ambitious & are hoping to be SAHMs. For some that may work out and for others it may not. Or, as someone else said: she may not like being a SAHM after all, once kids actually arrive. 🤣 Life is long and who we are in our early 20s (and what we think we want) isn’t always very predictive of how things will go. We all know that.

Presumably your son is not with her for her income potential- given she has an art degree and is unemployed.

At least she does have a college degree and seems to have a close & supportive family. I’m guessing you have no other glaring concerns or you’d have mentioned.

Since your son owns his own place, her moving in isn’t likely to actually cost him anything. If her parents are giving her spending $ now, seems that would continue. He may tire of her once she moves in, for all you know.

And honestly: your son is only 24. Odds are it doesn’t work out anyway. Very few are marrying that young these days. That said, foolish to shoot yourself in the foot over her (or any other girlfriend) just in case they do marry someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL grew up missing her busy mom, she has a STEM degree and had a well paying job but she gave that up to be a SAHM. It was between her and my brother. It never occurred to any of us to see it as our problem. It would've been serious invasion of privacy. Her daughter is a PhD professor, son is a scientist and DIL is a medical doctor. One of the happiest family we know.

You can't see how that's different from OP's scenario?

Is it really that different though? Maybe this girl is just more honest about her intentions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's odd she's not working. Are her parents very wealthy and she is an heiress? To me it's completely different from the dd of a poster on this thread who works at a grocery store. That young woman works. Not working is imo very very odd.

This is what I wonder too. Most parents (even those with financial means) would not be OK with an adult child living at home and presumably doing nothing productive with her time. Seems information is missing. Are they extremely wealthy? Or is she spending her time contributing to the family in some other way? Health issues for herself or someone else (which maybe would not be disclosed to OP)?

Seems odd unless there is more to the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL grew up missing her busy mom, she has a STEM degree and had a well paying job but she gave that up to be a SAHM. It was between her and my brother. It never occurred to any of us to see it as our problem. It would've been serious invasion of privacy. Her daughter is a PhD professor, son is a scientist and DIL is a medical doctor. One of the happiest family we know.

You can't see how that's different from OP's scenario?

Is it really that different though? Maybe this girl is just more honest about her intentions?

Op did not mention the girl wanting to be a mother. Lots of girls hoping for a man to finance their soft girl lifestyle and they aren't looking to change diapers and wipe up toddler spills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL grew up missing her busy mom, she has a STEM degree and had a well paying job but she gave that up to be a SAHM. It was between her and my brother. It never occurred to any of us to see it as our problem. It would've been serious invasion of privacy. Her daughter is a PhD professor, son is a scientist and DIL is a medical doctor. One of the happiest family we know.

You can't see how that's different from OP's scenario?

Is it really that different though? Maybe this girl is just more honest about her intentions?

NP- It's not remotely the same as working ft and then sah with children once you have children. This girl is a stay at home daughter. What does she even do all day?!

[Anonymous]

Yeah she's a dud OP. Fine to think it. Fine to figure out how to say it. Choosing to stay home later with kids is one thing but no career at the start (or ambition or movement toward one) is just boring and it means you have nothing to fall back on later, ie re-entering the workforce if and when it's needed. If your son is the sole breadwinner and only one even capable of being an earner, that's a lot of stress and potential instability over time. Who knows what the future holds for his field and career. What if he wants to quit the stable job and join a startup or have a gap at some point? It's fine to point this out.

[Anonymous]

Your son sounds like a guy who has his act together. Not many young men have a useful degree, a well paying career, a place of their own and a nice girlfriend he intends to marry in a couple of years. If he was one of the failure to launch types, it would make sense to want a girl who can finance his life.

[Anonymous]

OP have you asked her what she aspires to do?

In other words have you tried to get to know her?

The economy isn't good for kids to get jobs right now. Maybe she is looking but hasn't found anything.

[Anonymous]

Find a way to like her. She doesn't need to have your life. If you don't find a way, they will cut you out. So what if she doesn't have a career? Those are important to you, not them. Maybe he'd prefer a SAHM to having his kids raised by a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL grew up missing her busy mom, she has a STEM degree and had a well paying job but she gave that up to be a SAHM. It was between her and my brother. It never occurred to any of us to see it as our problem. It would've been serious invasion of privacy. Her daughter is a PhD professor, son is a scientist and DIL is a medical doctor. One of the happiest family we know.

You can't see how that's different from OP's scenario?

Is it really that different though? Maybe this girl is just more honest about her intentions?

Op did not mention the girl wanting to be a mother. Lots of girls hoping for a man to finance their soft girl lifestyle and they aren't looking to change diapers and wipe up toddler spills.

Neither op nor you know this young woman. Why u would think negatively is really shamefull

[Anonymous]

She is young, too early for you to judge her life's trajectory. However, she isn't his college sweetheart, just someone he met online last year, he needs to live with her for a year to see if they are compatible before popping the question. However, you need to stay out of it as finding a good match isn't easy for tech bros, you don't want to be responsible for his heartbreak or loneliness.

[Anonymous]

Staying in mom's basement at 24 with no job sounds like a loser or someone with mental health issues. In either case I would not want my DD with a career and bright future to be saddled with dead beat BF. (I know I reversed genders to make it more relatable)

[Anonymous]

Your son could do so much worse, OP.

[Anonymous]

Imagine if she had two kids AND was living with her parents AND had not job. 😂