Relocation Dilemma With Kids in 8th Grade and 11th Grade

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your 8th grader is an athlete. I'm not, but IME, athletes have an easier time moving schools because they can make friends with people on their teams.

I think you should commute for the first year. Leave Monday morning, come back Thursday night. Let senior graduate from high school in CT. See how you like the new job. If you decide you like it, move the family and start kid in tenth grade.

[Anonymous]

Keep the kids and wife in ct

Enjoy your time in dc for a year until the older one goes to college and then your wife and younger one can join you in dc.

Alex Karp, ceo of palantir, talks about being “geographically monogamous”

Sounds like a win win for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to take this job? Our priority once kids reached middle school was to not move.

If you absolutely have to, senior gets to complete final year in CT. 8th grader gets to decide whether to move for 9th grade or 10th.

This. 8 th grade is Old enough to have a vote.

Another vote for letting the 8th grader decide. My family has moved with a kid in high school and it’s not the end of the world if they would have to start at a new school for 10th. (Agree would be much harder for senior year though).

Would also consider the relationship between your kids - maybe the 8th grader’s biggest priority is to be in the same place with their sibling, or maybe they couldn’t care less.

[Anonymous]

We did it with kids those same ages. We only moved about 3 hours away so the oldest could, and did, go back for things. He played soccer - a Fall sport - so he could jump right into activities as practices started at the new school before school.

His younger brother did the same thing as an incoming 9th grader. We had him join Marching Band which -new to us - was a huge deal in the area. Competitive marching band. We had no idea. But, it too meant he also got an immediate group, and he got to meet lots of kids before school started. He did wrestling as his sport, and that is a Winter sport so not good for meeting people right away. Plus, marching band was boys and girls so it was easy to be ready to dive into social stuff like Homecoming.

Our oldest did not have a serious girlfriend at his old high school, but he had a couple “girls who were friends” whose parents we knew reasonably well, and so he went to dances and did other social stuff at both schools.

The move during Senior year wasn’t an issue because he still could go back for visits without it being a big deal. And, like most kids going to college, his focus was applications, college visits, scholarship applications, etc., and both schools were good about getting things sent. Once the college decision was made, he went back to the old home more frequently - more social stuff - and he stayed with friends.

Again, though, it’s very typical with Seniors that kids are moving on to college mode by Spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the best idea is to split the family as you originally suggested.

It's a big benefit to do all of high school in the same place.

My sister just moved and her kid started a new school as a sophomore. It is a disadvantage even though he had good freshman grades. All kinds of issues grafting two different state requirements together.

My dad got a new job when I was a junior. I finished at the same high school as a senior. I would have hated moving.

The next best option is for OP to go to Washington with no kids.

I lived with my grandparents for two months in 8th grade and they drove me to the school district I graduated from. I was the advance guard of my parents' move to that area. That was actually a very special time in my relationship with my grandparents. OP, you and your younger kid might actually become closer due to this unusual setup.

I also believe that it's really easy to stay in daily contact through phones and web calls now. It's an acceptable stopgap. And similar to having a college student re: your senior.

Hate to say this but it might be useful to keep your old house for a year in case you don't like the new job.

+1 Your first option seems better. Younger kid stays in same high school by moving with you. Second kid stays in same high school by completing last year staying with mom. Good luck! I know these things are more stressful the older the kids get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep the kids and wife in ct

Enjoy your time in dc for a year until the older one goes to college and then your wife and younger one can join you in dc.

Alex Karp, ceo of palantir, talks about being “geographically monogamous”

Sounds like a win win for you.

Sounds like you're suggesting OP could get a girlfriend while mom takes care of the kids in CT. Is that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your 8th grader is an athlete. I'm not, but IME, athletes have an easier time moving schools because they can make friends with people on their teams.

I think you should commute for the first year. Leave Monday morning, come back Thursday night. Let senior graduate from high school in CT. See how you like the new job. If you decide you like it, move the family and start kid in tenth grade.

If there's any possibility you may not like the new job or that it may not be a stable employment, this makes sense. Being in one high school from start to finish is best, but moving in 10th grade is more manageable than moving in 12th grade.

[Anonymous]

What is this job? Is it a really big job? Can you hold off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here. Another option is for me to continue commuting until my older one finishes high school, and then move the entire family to DC. However, that would mean my younger son would have to start at a new high school in his sophomore year. Since he’s relatively shy and takes longer to make new friends, this timing could be challenging for him.

To me, this is the obvious plan.

It'll be challenging either way.

I agree with this. Keep the family in CT and get a small studio in DC for a year while you commute. I did the reverse for years leaving family in DC and commuting to NYC during the week. I wouldnt recommend it long term and it does get tiring but a year is do able.

[Anonymous]

40% of women want to permanently leave

[Anonymous]

I'd probably look for a new job but make plans to be in DC for a year on my own as a worst case scenario. The summer is a long time from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that if you are planning to move to VA and your 8th grader plays sports, the transfer rules are changing next year for freshman eligibility and he likely wouldn't be allowed to play if your wife and older son remained in Connecticut.

What?

[Anonymous]

I would never move a kid before senior year.

I’d do your first option but as a senior with a car assuming that they are moderately responsible you can leave them at home for long stretches that make sense for your situation.

[Anonymous]

Crazy idea - 8th grader repeats 9th grade when moved to DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crazy idea - 8th grader repeats 9th grade when moved to DC.

That is crazy! Why would you do that?!