Isolated moms, why not get support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just adding to the reasons I feel rooms moms and PTA in general are the dumbest things ever.

F the pta. It’s a bunch of brown nosers who are trying to be liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you say hello? Did you converse with them for any other purpose than to ask them to volunteer? Do you host group play dates at your house and make your kid invite someone new? I’m a single mom and I work full time. My kid was also neurodivergent so it’s not like there were tons do people beating down our door for play dates, meetups, and I’m not around for the 10 am coffee meetups of the other moms. Thankfully there were a couple of kids whose parents I worked with so we would meet up on weekends or on school holidays because we would coordinate and chat at work. I also would reach out at church, but most of the invites I put out there were attended but not reciprocated.

It’s really hard in this area for adults to find new friendships. So why are you looking at people wandering around your school that you don’t know and judging them when they’re the outsiders?

If it makes you feel better, I volunteer constantly and attend their 10 am coffee meetups and they still don't invite my child because "he doesn't seem to be friends with the other boys. Maybe he should try more sports with them." Openly talk about parties thrown for "all the boys" right in front of me knowing my son isn't invited. Their number one priority is their own kids popularity.

[Anonymous]

Have you invited her and her kid to play? Yo get coffee? Anything? Be the change you want to see in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you say hello? Did you converse with them for any other purpose than to ask them to volunteer? Do you host group play dates at your house and make your kid invite someone new? I’m a single mom and I work full time. My kid was also neurodivergent so it’s not like there were tons do people beating down our door for play dates, meetups, and I’m not around for the 10 am coffee meetups of the other moms. Thankfully there were a couple of kids whose parents I worked with so we would meet up on weekends or on school holidays because we would coordinate and chat at work. I also would reach out at church, but most of the invites I put out there were attended but not reciprocated.

It’s really hard in this area for adults to find new friendships. So why are you looking at people wandering around your school that you don’t know and judging them when they’re the outsiders?

If it makes you feel better, I volunteer constantly and attend their 10 am coffee meetups and they still don't invite my child because "he doesn't seem to be friends with the other boys. Maybe he should try more sports with them." Openly talk about parties thrown for "all the boys" right in front of me knowing my son isn't invited. Their number one priority is their own kids popularity.

Who has time for this high school stuff?! Do you all work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just adding to the reasons I feel rooms moms and PTA in general are the dumbest things ever.

F the pta. It’s a bunch of brown nosers who are trying to be liked.

Not to mention women will continue to be second class citizens if we agree to work for free for school districts.

[Anonymous]

The women who volunteer to be class moms are the worst. If this person is actually real or her way of ridiculing class moms, it’s hard to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

This is the kind of comment that makes me wonder why there aren’t social skills classes for adults. Stopping a conversation about soccer to ask, “Does your child play soccer” is a terrible opportunity for connection relative to listening to get an understanding of how parents feel about soccer. Then when parents to start to say something relatable like what it’s like to have a leftie playing forward, it’s easy to jump in.

Huh? The social skills part of this (assuming OP is genuine in wanting to support new families) is for the clique to reach out to the new person and draw them in. Not to continue their in-group conversation. It’s one thing to do that at a soccer game; another to ice out new families at a school event.

The social skills part of this is being able to read and jump into any social situation.

It’s really not. It is actually very awkward and *unskilled* to stand around with a group of people having an in-group conversation that they are making no effort to open to you. The social skills part actually is getting the message that they are uninterested and walking away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you say hello? Did you converse with them for any other purpose than to ask them to volunteer? Do you host group play dates at your house and make your kid invite someone new? I’m a single mom and I work full time. My kid was also neurodivergent so it’s not like there were tons do people beating down our door for play dates, meetups, and I’m not around for the 10 am coffee meetups of the other moms. Thankfully there were a couple of kids whose parents I worked with so we would meet up on weekends or on school holidays because we would coordinate and chat at work. I also would reach out at church, but most of the invites I put out there were attended but not reciprocated.

It’s really hard in this area for adults to find new friendships. So why are you looking at people wandering around your school that you don’t know and judging them when they’re the outsiders?

If it makes you feel better, I volunteer constantly and attend their 10 am coffee meetups and they still don't invite my child because "he doesn't seem to be friends with the other boys. Maybe he should try more sports with them." Openly talk about parties thrown for "all the boys" right in front of me knowing my son isn't invited. Their number one priority is their own kids popularity.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said that at parent night she interacted with people at first. My guess is, she worked up the courage to approach a few groups and was received politely, but no one actively included her so she felt awkward and retreated to the safety of her husband/phone. If you really wanted to help, you could have talked to her and walked her around to introduce her to everyone. But no one wants to do that either.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

This is the kind of comment that makes me wonder why there aren’t social skills classes for adults. Stopping a conversation about soccer to ask, “Does your child play soccer” is a terrible opportunity for connection relative to listening to get an understanding of how parents feel about soccer. Then when parents to start to say something relatable like what it’s like to have a leftie playing forward, it’s easy to jump in.

Huh? The social skills part of this (assuming OP is genuine in wanting to support new families) is for the clique to reach out to the new person and draw them in. Not to continue their in-group conversation. It’s one thing to do that at a soccer game; another to ice out new families at a school event.

The social skills part of this is being able to read and jump into any social situation.

It’s really not. It is actually very awkward and *unskilled* to stand around with a group of people having an in-group conversation that they are making no effort to open to you. The social skills part actually is getting the message that they are uninterested and walking away.

Many of these situations are ones therapists address in social skills classes for youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

This is the kind of comment that makes me wonder why there aren’t social skills classes for adults. Stopping a conversation about soccer to ask, “Does your child play soccer” is a terrible opportunity for connection relative to listening to get an understanding of how parents feel about soccer. Then when parents to start to say something relatable like what it’s like to have a leftie playing forward, it’s easy to jump in.

Huh? The social skills part of this (assuming OP is genuine in wanting to support new families) is for the clique to reach out to the new person and draw them in. Not to continue their in-group conversation. It’s one thing to do that at a soccer game; another to ice out new families at a school event.

The social skills part of this is being able to read and jump into any social situation.

It’s really not. It is actually very awkward and *unskilled* to stand around with a group of people having an in-group conversation that they are making no effort to open to you. The social skills part actually is getting the message that they are uninterested and walking away.

Many of these situations are ones therapists address in social skills classes for youth.

Guess what one key skill is taught in social skills class? Getting the message when someone isn’t interested in talking to you.

Conversely social skills classes could teach you how to bring a newcomer into a conversation. heck even just watching Daniel Tiger could do it: https://www.pbslearningmedia.org/resource/e84ef3c0-7ca0-4562-80b2-ecaece4ee631/find-a-way-to-play-together-castle/

At the end of the day, having an exclusionary in-group conversation at a school event and making no effort to draw in new parents is really, really rude.

[Anonymous]

I mean why don’t people notice the outsiders and make an effort to include them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the worst type of room mom.

They don’t need therapy. They need people like you to be kind and inclusive. Maybe you need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a room mom is a volunteer role that anyone is welcome to take on. Each year, we have new families joining, and a "summer family" is assigned to help them get settled. In addition, the room mom organizes a series of events, including a "new mom" event, a "new class" event, and two "new parent" events — so it's quite a bit to manage!

It's totally normal for new families to face a bit of a rough transition. While it may feel like November is still early, some families (even after 2, 3, or 4 years) are still adjusting. If challenges persist, therapy might be a helpful option to consider.

As for the "mind your own business" posters — they're not wrong. But sometimes, it's hard not to wonder: when the moms are talking about soccer, why not take a moment to listen and then contribute something that might be relevant to the conversation?

Like everyone else, we have too much to juggle and not enough time, so back to MYOB for us!

Why not take a moment to actually bring the new parent into the conversation?

Seriously, this is all about the cliquey little school environment where so many parents enjoy being “in” and judging those who are “out.”

The “in” parents are the ones who need therapy.

This is the kind of comment that makes me wonder why there aren’t social skills classes for adults. Stopping a conversation about soccer to ask, “Does your child play soccer” is a terrible opportunity for connection relative to listening to get an understanding of how parents feel about soccer. Then when parents to start to say something relatable like what it’s like to have a leftie playing forward, it’s easy to jump in.

Huh? The social skills part of this (assuming OP is genuine in wanting to support new families) is for the clique to reach out to the new person and draw them in. Not to continue their in-group conversation. It’s one thing to do that at a soccer game; another to ice out new families at a school event.

The social skills part of this is being able to read and jump into any social situation.

It’s really not. It is actually very awkward and *unskilled* to stand around with a group of people having an in-group conversation that they are making no effort to open to you. The social skills part actually is getting the message that they are uninterested and walking away.

Many of these situations are ones therapists address in social skills classes for youth.

Are you asking why she doesn’t get in a Time Machine and go back and take those classes?

Not to mention, while those classes can help kids, they aren’t miracles. The idea that an adult could go get a few therapy sessions and emerge as a PTA mom is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you say hello? Did you converse with them for any other purpose than to ask them to volunteer? Do you host group play dates at your house and make your kid invite someone new? I’m a single mom and I work full time. My kid was also neurodivergent so it’s not like there were tons do people beating down our door for play dates, meetups, and I’m not around for the 10 am coffee meetups of the other moms. Thankfully there were a couple of kids whose parents I worked with so we would meet up on weekends or on school holidays because we would coordinate and chat at work. I also would reach out at church, but most of the invites I put out there were attended but not reciprocated.

It’s really hard in this area for adults to find new friendships. So why are you looking at people wandering around your school that you don’t know and judging them when they’re the outsiders?

If it makes you feel better, I volunteer constantly and attend their 10 am coffee meetups and they still don't invite my child because "he doesn't seem to be friends with the other boys. Maybe he should try more sports with them." Openly talk about parties thrown for "all the boys" right in front of me knowing my son isn't invited. Their number one priority is their own kids popularity.

This.

2nd this. Op is probably doing this. I never cared and we did things outside school and have friends outside school. I don’t want or need to be with unkind fake people.