Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vegetarians are miserable beings, feed them sausage and tell them it’s vegetarian.

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Seriously? I see nothing wrong with what she did. A lot of people do forget or don't take it seriously. One of our kids has Celiac so we bring our food no matter what, because people would get annoyed if we inquired and because people also would go out of their way to say something was gluten free because they didn't understand wheat is not the only form of gluten. It wasn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks with any type of medical issue or food restriction always make every single thing about them. It literally becomes them.

It’s exhausting.

It was literally just a question to see if she needed to bring her own food. She didn't demand anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear people look for a reason to get offended and stay offended.

OP is clearly a flustered, overwhelmed host who has no talent or capacity for entertaining. For experienced, good hosts who actually welcome people into their homes, this is not a problem at all.

Wow, My family has literally had the same pizza meal the night before TG for 10 plus years. It has always been fully vegetarian. I am not flustered or overwhelmed by ordering pizza. It is barely entertaining. DH suggested that all invites to sibling state that is will be a vegetarian meal so they know we have not suddenly forgotten. That is probably the way I will go.

Thanks for your thoughts DCUM. Enjoy your TG!

OP, are you OK? Are you burned out or stressed about something else? This can't be about someone simply asking if there will be a vegetarian option. People do forget foods things and the right thing to do is to advocate. If she insisted you have something for her, then I might understand. Yes, even if for the past 10 years it has been the same, it should be harmless to make sure. You are seeing her words as daggers. I don't think this is about her inquiry. I think there must be something else going on for you to be so annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

Sure, but why does that bother you to the point that you'd be cool leaving a guest with nothing to eat? After 35 no-meat years, I know not to show up hungry and make do with what's available. Most of use who choose not to ear animals don't do it for attention or to inconvenience anyone, so I don't understand the hostility.

There’s no hostility to my answer. I eat plant-based about 4 days a week. But the idea that vegetarianism is on the same level as a potentially life-threatening allergy is simply not on. One is a choice, the other, a necessity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

Not necessarily, it may be medically required. It’s really none of your business.

Usually not, let’s be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

Sure, but why does that bother you to the point that you'd be cool leaving a guest with nothing to eat? After 35 no-meat years, I know not to show up hungry and make do with what's available. Most of use who choose not to ear animals don't do it for attention or to inconvenience anyone, so I don't understand the hostility.

There’s no hostility to my answer. I eat plant-based about 4 days a week. But the idea that vegetarianism is on the same level as a potentially life-threatening allergy is simply not on. One is a choice, the other, a necessity.

I agree its not on the same level, but an actual vegetarian is different from someone like you, who just prefers not to eat meat, but can if you feel like it. Some vegetarians havent eaten any meat in decades and don't even know how their body would react to it. While they are not going to die, they're also not going to eat meat just because its the only option, so in terms of hosting, itis the same as the allergic person in that you may be leaving guests with nothing to eat.

[Anonymous]

I think the wording was an unusual for a sibling who has apparently been a vegetarian for quite a while. Can not imagine the host being like Yes probably best for fur you to bring your own food. We can not possibly order a meatless pizza and the salad with definitely have bacon bits.

I think something like Thanks for hosting sis. If you order before I get there, remember cheese or veggie for me! Is more appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

And? Do you sneer to your Jewish or Muslim friends for their VOLUNTARY food restrictions of no pork or Kosher, etc.? Oh wait, you don’t have nay Jewish or Muslim friends.

[Anonymous]

OP you seem easily triggered.

It is not rude.

[Anonymous]

You say you’ve ordered the same pizza meal for 10 years but do you think everyone invited necessarily remembers that specifically? I see why the host would know for sure that every year they order all veggie pizza the night before thanksgiving but guests may not recall specifically what is served because guests aren’t typically thinking about that in the same way hosts are.

Also, maybe the vegetarian relative wants to be considerate and give you the option of ordering something else this time and is offering to bring their own food as a courtesy to you and everyone else (they’re essentially saying just bc I’m vegetarian doesn’t mean everyone always has to order only vegetarian food when I’m there.) which is actually thoughtful of them if true.

Or maybe they’re just an obnoxious person who likes to remind ppl constantly that they’re vegetarian and act as though you don’t typically accommodate them as a dig at your hosting. I don’t know them so I can’t say. You could be right that they’re being annoying or I could be right in thinking they might just be either a) forgetful/don’t notice details like what all pizzas you order each year or b) thoughtful/considerate in offering to provide their own food.

[Anonymous]

Not the case w pizza but I’m a vegetarian (and have been for a long time) and have been to relatives’ houses many times where they “forget” and have nothing for me to eat but some salad (even that I might have to pick meat out of) or they’re surprised I won’t eat soup made w chicken broth or vegetables cooked w meat or I’ve even had relatives surprised when I politely tell them no, I don’t “even eat chicken?!” Bc they assume I just don’t eat “real meat” like beef or pork but surely I must still eat chicken! And I’ve had relatives assume my vegetarianism is just a phase and expect me to be out of it by now…etc etc

So I don’t think it’s that weird as a vegetarian to either ask ahead to confirm no meat. Or to do as I do and just eat before I go somewhere in case they have nothing for me or bring my own food.

[Anonymous]

OP if it seems rude or pointed to YOU (and only you know the undercurrents with this I'm guessing a sibling guessing a sister) then just respond-

"Please bring your own food"

She offered; take her up on it. Does she bring anything else to Thanksgiving that you host?

Then when she gets there and all the pizza is vegetarian, just be all "oops!"

[Anonymous]

If you don’t like this relative, why do you keep inviting her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

A voluntary restriction.

Sure, but why does that bother you to the point that you'd be cool leaving a guest with nothing to eat? After 35 no-meat years, I know not to show up hungry and make do with what's available. Most of use who choose not to ear animals don't do it for attention or to inconvenience anyone, so I don't understand the hostility.

There’s no hostility to my answer. I eat plant-based about 4 days a week. But the idea that vegetarianism is on the same level as a potentially life-threatening allergy is simply not on. One is a choice, the other, a necessity.

I agree its not on the same level, but an actual vegetarian is different from someone like you, who just prefers not to eat meat, but can if you feel like it. Some vegetarians havent eaten any meat in decades and don't even know how their body would react to it. While they are not going to die, they're also not going to eat meat just because its the only option, so in terms of hosting, itis the same as the allergic person in that you may be leaving guests with nothing to eat.

The situation that this entire thread is based around is strictly vegetarian, all because of one vegetarian guest. So there’s plenty for her to eat.