Need advice. Teen is upset his girlfriend (both are 17) posts on social media, hanging on other boys.

[Anonymous]

Geez Louise, some of you people are freaks.

If he's not happy he should break up with her. End of story. Maybe he's being too controlling. Maybe she's being flirty and disrespectful. Who cares! If the relationship is not bringing both parties peace and joy as they live their best lives then they should part ways.

There were no vows involved and this isn't a marriage.

[Anonymous]

His possessiveness is a surefire way to get dumped anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC is in college now, but had quite a few dramatic high school relationships. And jealousy was a common denominator - sometimes on his side, sometimes on the other.

I tried to explain to him that dating at this age is really learning about yourself. Relationships are new, everyone is inexperienced, and emotions are high.
You're going to make mistakes, your boyfriend/girlfriend is going to make mistakes, your job is to learn about yourself and what you like/dislike in a partner/relationship going forward. But overall, relationships at this stage should be value-add, making you happier, having new experiences, and becoming a better version of yourself. If not, it's time to end things.

In this situation, I would tell my son to trust his instinct that his feelings are justified, and help him find a way to end it amicably. Learning how to break up is a good life skill. Theres a book called "Necessary Endings" but there's lots of other books for men about breakups.

Such good advice, thank you for posting!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can break up with her for any reason he wants, including bad reasons due to him blowing things out of proportion. They are not a good match and they are kids. Frankly he should hold off on any more dating until he matures. Tell him to focus on college apps.

I love how you dubbed him the immature one here, yet you know nothing about the maturity of his gf.

It doesn’t matter

He is being controlling he has zero right to tell anyone much less his gf who to hang with or post pictures with!

He can break up with her but he doesn’t own her.

OP raised an entitled POS who thinks he gets to tell women what they can and can not do. Nope he does not get to do that and I hope the GF parents tell her to drop him asap

You sound like a misandrist and a skank

No OPs kid is a pos he wants to control who his GF can and can not see. No woman needs that crap in her life.

Her son has zero right to tell another human who they can hang with. He can break up with her that is his choice just like she can have friends that are male.

OP is the problem she raised boys to think they own their partner they do not.

Who calls a teen they've never met a 'pos'? You sound mentall ill. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

I think you're a good mom for wanting to help him navigate this. If this was my son I would validate his feelings. It's ok for him to be uncomfortable with this. If he's told her he's uncomfortable and she sees nothing wrong, then his choice is to accept it or break up. I think it's important to talk about the difference between setting boundaries and being controlling. It's ok for him to decide she's not the right girl for him. It's not for him to demand that she change her behavior for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez Louise, some of you people are freaks.

If he's not happy he should break up with her. End of story. Maybe he's being too controlling. Maybe she's being flirty and disrespectful. Who cares! If the relationship is not bringing both parties peace and joy as they live their best lives then they should part ways.

There were no vows involved and this isn't a marriage.

Totally agree. Some very unhealthy people on this board

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can break up with her for any reason he wants, including bad reasons due to him blowing things out of proportion. They are not a good match and they are kids. Frankly he should hold off on any more dating until he matures. Tell him to focus on college apps.

I love how you dubbed him the immature one here, yet you know nothing about the maturity of his gf.

It doesn’t matter

He is being controlling he has zero right to tell anyone much less his gf who to hang with or post pictures with!

He can break up with her but he doesn’t own her.

OP raised an entitled POS who thinks he gets to tell women what they can and can not do. Nope he does not get to do that and I hope the GF parents tell her to drop him asap

You sound like a misandrist and a skank

No OPs kid is a pos he wants to control who his GF can and can not see. No woman needs that crap in her life.

Her son has zero right to tell another human who they can hang with. He can break up with her that is his choice just like she can have friends that are male.

OP is the problem she raised boys to think they own their partner they do not.

Who calls a teen they've never met a 'pos'? You sound mentall ill. Seriously.

+ million

[Anonymous]

Just have to ponder that if a female wrote that her boyfriend who is supposedly in an exclusive relationship with her kept posting photos of him with his exes and paid no attention to her telling him it hurt her and please stop...would SHE be a controlling pos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can break up with her for any reason he wants, including bad reasons due to him blowing things out of proportion. They are not a good match and they are kids. Frankly he should hold off on any more dating until he matures. Tell him to focus on college apps.

I love how you dubbed him the immature one here, yet you know nothing about the maturity of his gf.

It doesn’t matter

He is being controlling he has zero right to tell anyone much less his gf who to hang with or post pictures with!

He can break up with her but he doesn’t own her.

OP raised an entitled POS who thinks he gets to tell women what they can and can not do. Nope he does not get to do that and I hope the GF parents tell her to drop him asap

I don't think this is fair base d on the information we have. First, he is not telling her who she can hang out with. He told her he feels uncomfortable with her posting pictures "hanging on" guys she previously hooked up with. I was all ready to call OP's kid controlling, but it does sound a bit disrespectful. He should just break up with her because they don't sound compatible. But what we have does not suggest he is controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can break up with her for any reason he wants, including bad reasons due to him blowing things out of proportion. They are not a good match and they are kids. Frankly he should hold off on any more dating until he matures. Tell him to focus on college apps.

I love how you dubbed him the immature one here, yet you know nothing about the maturity of his gf.

It doesn’t matter

He is being controlling he has zero right to tell anyone much less his gf who to hang with or post pictures with!

He can break up with her but he doesn’t own her.

OP raised an entitled POS who thinks he gets to tell women what they can and can not do. Nope he does not get to do that and I hope the GF parents tell her to drop him asap

I don't think this is fair base d on the information we have. First, he is not telling her who she can hang out with. He told her he feels uncomfortable with her posting pictures "hanging on" guys she previously hooked up with. I was all ready to call OP's kid controlling, but it does sound a bit disrespectful. He should just break up with her because they don't sound compatible. But what we have does not suggest he is controlling.

And to add to this--he know she is a partier and he is not. He seems okay with her going out to parties and seeing these guys. He thinks it is disrespectful to post pictures of her self "hanging on" these guys. I'd have to see the pictures to weigh in more, but this does not sound controlling. Controlling would be telling her she should not go to these parties. He does not do that.

[Anonymous]

He isn’t being controlling. Most women on this board freak out about far less than their husbands draped over their exes in recent pictures and being indifferent to their wives feelings about it.

He can have his emotions and boys / men can be disrespected to. It isn’t controlling to feel hurt your girlfriend is hanging out with her ex and taking pictures hanging off him / them.

His girlfriend should care about how he feels and what upsets him. That advice is given on here all the time to women and that they should dump a guy who doesn’t care if they feel disrespected by his actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez Louise, some of you people are freaks.

If he's not happy he should break up with her. End of story. Maybe he's being too controlling. Maybe she's being flirty and disrespectful. Who cares! If the relationship is not bringing both parties peace and joy as they live their best lives then they should part ways.

There were no vows involved and this isn't a marriage.

No because OP is a terrible parent.
Her description of her first child's relationship is puritanical. And her description of the girl is giving creepy control vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a good mom for wanting to help him navigate this. If this was my son I would validate his feelings. It's ok for him to be uncomfortable with this. If he's told her he's uncomfortable and she sees nothing wrong, then his choice is to accept it or break up. I think it's important to talk about the difference between setting boundaries and being controlling. It's ok for him to decide she's not the right girl for him. It's not for him to demand that she change her behavior for him.

He did not demand that she change her behavior for him. He told her that specific actions of hers are making him feel sad and asked her to stop hurting his feelings that way. That is not the same thing as making a demand. She was able to make her own decision that his feelings on the topic will not be respected by her, and to document her lack of respect on social media. Now he can feel sad about both her actions and her public lack of respect for his feelings. When he breaks up with her, that will be more like a demand, because she does not get to choose that they are still together when he does not want that.

[Anonymous]

How is it controlling when he told the girl her behavior is making him upset and she is continuing to act this way? The girl has a history with the boy(s) in the picture. OPs son is jealous and feels disrespected. If the roles were reversed and it was him hanging out with a girl he had history with all of you here would be calling him a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just have to ponder that if a female wrote that her boyfriend who is supposedly in an exclusive relationship with her kept posting photos of him with his exes and paid no attention to her telling him it hurt her and please stop...would SHE be a controlling pos?

I was about to say the same thing! I bet the “he doesn’t own her crowd” would throw a fit if their husbands do much less and would see things very differently if he were to hang out with other girls.

He’s entitled to his feelings, and he can voice the part he’s not happy about. Every relationship is different, and he’s entitled to decide what makes him happy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone that shares his values and is on the same page with boundaries in a relationship.

Advice for OPs kid, if that’s how she makes him feel it’s time to bail out and find someone more compatible.