Giving kids a down payment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was planning to give 100k to each kid. I have two. But one lives in a much more expensive state so I may have to give more like 200k. I wish I could give more to both but that's about my limit.

But how would you feel if your kid's spouse divorces them 5 years after your gift and keeps half of it?

Easy enough to write into a prenup.

However unless the trust/younprovide th e entire cost of the house and ongoing maintenance, the spouse is entitled to their portion they contributed towards for marriage

[Anonymous]

We have provided large bridge loans to our kids at various times (and charged modest interest) but we’ve never just written a check for their down payment. If we did it for one we’d have to do it for all. We are generous with Christmas cash gifts for each family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we set up brokerage accounts for our kids many years ago. each of three kids have about 300k right now. they can use it anyway they want. we are not giving any more or paying for their wedding. we are done

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids. We’ve paid for college and grad school for all, nice weddings for the three who got married, and yes provided down payment assistance to the ones who bought houses. In one instance, we even set up a private mortgage for one of the kids—where we were the lender—because they had just got out of college and landed a nice job and a great condo had just gone on the market at a good price right where they were going to work. They had the qualifying income but hadn’t been working long enough to qualify for a bank loan. A year or two later they refinanced and got a bank loan and paid us off.

The point is, you do what you can and adjust to the circumstances. Giving each kid a set $100k amount for a “down payment” is stupid—you wait and see what the actual need is and help then. And when doing it you don’t keep score.

So if a kid mismanages everything about life and constantly needs $2-3k per month to live you provide it? And they are not disabled/special needs or any reason they cannot be highly successful.
What if the other kids are responsible adults, do well in college and have great jobs. Do those kids also get $2-3k per month or since they can manage themselves they don't get much?

It's a great way to setup anger amongst the kids.

Now I do get, if you agree to provide for grandkids college, nobody gets more or less--each grand kid should get the same amount and mom and dad don't get extra for not having as many or any kids.

But beyond that, you give equally. If one gets $50k for a wedding and 40k for a down payment, then any others should also get $90k, and still get it if they don't have a wedding

What the hell is wrong with you?

I never said anything about giving monthly hand outs to deadbeat kids. I have specifics—education, weddings, down payments.

One of our kids who happened to have gone to the most expensive college ending up wanting the smallest of the weddings. We didn't say “here’s another $50k since we spent less on yours.” And we never thought “well that’s fair because their college cost more” either. It’s not how our family rolls and there’s never been any “anger” among our kids over money. They’re all reasonable, responsible and practical adults and they’re not bickering over who gets what out of mommy and daddy and who didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids. We’ve paid for college and grad school for all, nice weddings for the three who got married, and yes provided down payment assistance to the ones who bought houses. In one instance, we even set up a private mortgage for one of the kids—where we were the lender—because they had just got out of college and landed a nice job and a great condo had just gone on the market at a good price right where they were going to work. They had the qualifying income but hadn’t been working long enough to qualify for a bank loan. A year or two later they refinanced and got a bank loan and paid us off.

The point is, you do what you can and adjust to the circumstances. Giving each kid a set $100k amount for a “down payment” is stupid—you wait and see what the actual need is and help then. And when doing it you don’t keep score.

Chances are someone is keeping score. I mean a kid who gets married and buys a house gets $150k or more and another kid who is renting and dating gets nothing? I don’t think it’s stupid to give the same amount to everyone whenever you are handing out these sums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids. We’ve paid for college and grad school for all, nice weddings for the three who got married, and yes provided down payment assistance to the ones who bought houses. In one instance, we even set up a private mortgage for one of the kids—where we were the lender—because they had just got out of college and landed a nice job and a great condo had just gone on the market at a good price right where they were going to work. They had the qualifying income but hadn’t been working long enough to qualify for a bank loan. A year or two later they refinanced and got a bank loan and paid us off.

The point is, you do what you can and adjust to the circumstances. Giving each kid a set $100k amount for a “down payment” is stupid—you wait and see what the actual need is and help then. And when doing it you don’t keep score.

Chances are someone is keeping score. I mean a kid who gets married and buys a house gets $150k or more and another kid who is renting and dating gets nothing? I don’t think it’s stupid to give the same amount to everyone whenever you are handing out these sums.

We have a kid who rents and will forever be single (by firm choice) and doesn’t give a rat’s ass if we help out her siblings who have made different choices. We’ve helped her out plenty and always will and she knows it. She’s quite happy knowing that her little nieces and nephews have nice places to live. I’m sorry to disappoint, but not every family on DCUM is dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

Same. I’m 50 and still can’t afford a house. My kid got the benefit of a free college education. Now I need to save for my retirement.

[Anonymous]

Keeping score, roughly, IS appropriate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keeping score, roughly, IS appropriate

So where do you draw the line? We have provided free childcare for all of the grandchildren, which has both saved our kids a ton of money and at the same time is priceless. Should I estimate the amount of money that the parents did not have to pay to daycare or to nannies and give that same amount of money to my kids who elected not to have children?

[Anonymous]

We have a kid who rents and will forever be single (by firm choice) and doesn’t give a rat’s ass if we help out her siblings who have made different choices. We’ve helped her out plenty and always will and she knows it. She’s quite happy knowing that her little nieces and nephews have nice places to live. I’m sorry to disappoint, but not every family on DCUM is dysfunctional.

We also have four kids and aren’t even a little bit dysfunctional - AND we try and keep it generally even between the kids when we are making financial gifts. My parents did the same and I think it has been a bonus that we never had to worry about introducing financial issues to our siblings relationships. Each of our kids will get the same amount of help with a down payment (and some will need it more than others), each gets the same amount at Christmas, etc. We will contribute around the same for each wedding. If someone never wants a house or wedding, they will at some point get a gift to keep things generally equal. They will inherit equally. I cannot imagine a twenty or thirty something who is rejoicing at how nice their nieces and nephews houses while not being provided similar support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here really love to humble brag about their wealth. Tone deaf, especially when so many people are struggling right now.

What an idiotic comment. Are you seriously saying bc someone can’t ask a question relevant to their situation bc others are worse off? A rising tide lifts all boats - the more successful I am, the more people I employ, taxes I pay, donate, etc. If a gift of a down payment can help someone get on the property ladder and move up, why not? OP, talk to your estate planner or wealth manager bc we were specifically given an amount we can “give” to each child annually w/o tax consequences. Each child has an account that is set up tax efficiently and will eventually be used for a down payment.

LOL. That made me laugh. Your in the boat with your kid.

--DP and no we will not be giving kids a downpayment despite a $1.3M+ HHI. The first graduated and has a well-paying job and a nest egg he saved from his well-paying internships.

[Anonymous]

I would go with 1 million each that will give a 50% down payment for a decent starter home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

Same. I’m 50 and still can’t afford a house. My kid got the benefit of a free college education. Now I need to save for my retirement.

Then, its a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We have a kid who rents and will forever be single (by firm choice) and doesn’t give a rat’s ass if we help out her siblings who have made different choices. We’ve helped her out plenty and always will and she knows it. She’s quite happy knowing that her little nieces and nephews have nice places to live. I’m sorry to disappoint, but not every family on DCUM is dysfunctional.

We also have four kids and aren’t even a little bit dysfunctional - AND we try and keep it generally even between the kids when we are making financial gifts. My parents did the same and I think it has been a bonus that we never had to worry about introducing financial issues to our siblings relationships. Each of our kids will get the same amount of help with a down payment (and some will need it more than others), each gets the same amount at Christmas, etc. We will contribute around the same for each wedding. If someone never wants a house or wedding, they will at some point get a gift to keep things generally equal. They will inherit equally. I cannot imagine a twenty or thirty something who is rejoicing at how nice their nieces and nephews houses while not being provided similar support.

Well, start imagining because it’s happening. Besides, not that they know it—because they don’t—but all four will soon enough inherit enough that the
differences between what each is getting now will prove to be little more than rounding errors.

Oh, if our single daughter ever decides to have kids and wants a house, she’ll get one. Hell, we will help her out with the house if/when she wants one, even if she doesn’t have kids! 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was planning to give 100k to each kid. I have two. But one lives in a much more expensive state so I may have to give more like 200k. I wish I could give more to both but that's about my limit.

That's an excellent way to spark a sibling spat.