Household Rules when Family Visits

[Anonymous]

Spanking your kids in someone else’s house or in front of guests in your own home is low class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You need to discuss with your brother shortly after it happened (away from others). Let him know that is not acceptable in your home, in front of your family. If he's not willing to find a different way to discipline, then ask him not to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound too controlling to have guests, pay for their hotel room.

Nope! Asking guests to take off shoes, not smoke, not watch R rated shows in front of the kids (or whatever your rule is), asking someone to not eat foods that airborne could kill your kid, and most definately asking them to not abuse others (that's what spanking is) is not unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate staying at other peoples houses. Always prefer hotels.

But this example could happen even if they are staying at a hotel, but come to visit during the day. Essentially, I'm not spending time with my kids around people who spank---just like I don't spend time with people who smoke (around me), I don't get in a car with someone who has been drinking, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your brother, not a guest. He parents his way, you parent yours.

Then I wouldn't spend time around him with his kids. I don't spend time with people who abuse others, and don't expose my kids to that either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You can't tell another parent how to discipline their child and unless he is actually beating the child it is none of your business.

Umm, no! Spanking is abuse. Nobody should be hitting another person, let alone an innocent child. Learn how to discipline properly, and that does not involve physical assault

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family can’t spank my kids, but who am I to tell them how to raise their kids? We don’t spank, but I don’t think traditional spanking is abuse.

Well there is the issue. It is abuse. No child should ever be hit. If they did something wrong, have a discussion with them, put them in a time out, but hitting them is never going to be the solution to the issue (other than teaching them when you cannot control your emotions it is okay to hit others and I doubt that was the message you were aiming for)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound too controlling to have guests, pay for their hotel room.

This.

[Anonymous]

This wouldn’t be an issue of a house rule for me. My daughter had never seen an adult hit a child and would be horrified of one that did. So I would tell my brother— please don’t hit your child in front of mu child, she will be afraid of you. If he persisted in doing so I’d have to wait until the kids were older for her to be around him.

[Anonymous]

"Welcome, family and friends! We don't hit in this house, and that includes any adult striking any child for any reason. Thanks for respecting that rule during your visit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You can't tell another parent how to discipline their child and unless he is actually beating the child it is none of your business.

In my house it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You can't tell another parent how to discipline their child and unless he is actually beating the child it is none of your business.

+100

As for house rules… if we are talking about other adults, I can’t really think of any. It’s pretty rude to try to control the behavior of other adults unless there’s some strange circumstance where they’re breaking your stuff or something. No smoking or drugs in my house, obviously, but this has never remotely been an issue with any guest I’ve had.

My weirdo sister-in-law visited and treated our house as if it belonged to my dh. She opened drawers and closets and went through them until I told her off. One of my brothers thought it was acceptable to just show up with his family to stay with us with no notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You sound dramatic, OP. Your kids are going to witness stuff like this (and worse) in public. You've never seen someone spank their kid at the store? At the park? I get it, this is your house, but I doubt your children would have been as upset if you hadn't made a big thing about it. I also imagine they've forgotten about it already while you're still wringing your hands. I don't condone spanking and I think your brother is probably pretty emotionally immature if that's his response to his children, but I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill with this.

I've literally never seen anyone spank their child, in public or in private. Where do you live that this is such a common occurrence?

You are both young and don't get out to certain neighborhoods or Walmart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family can’t spank my kids, but who am I to tell them how to raise their kids? We don’t spank, but I don’t think traditional spanking is abuse.

Well there is the issue. It is abuse. No child should ever be hit. If they did something wrong, have a discussion with them, put them in a time out, but hitting them is never going to be the solution to the issue (other than teaching them when you cannot control your emotions it is okay to hit others and I doubt that was the message you were aiming for)

Yeah, kids that try to run into the street when they're two. They respond really well to your discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

You sound dramatic, OP. Your kids are going to witness stuff like this (and worse) in public. You've never seen someone spank their kid at the store? At the park? I get it, this is your house, but I doubt your children would have been as upset if you hadn't made a big thing about it. I also imagine they've forgotten about it already while you're still wringing your hands. I don't condone spanking and I think your brother is probably pretty emotionally immature if that's his response to his children, but I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill with this.

I've literally never seen anyone spank their child, in public or in private. Where do you live that this is such a common occurrence?

You are both young and don't get out to certain neighborhoods or Walmart.

Well, I’m 48, but I’ll take the compliment! And you’re right, I’m never in Walmart. It’s pretty easy to avoid.