If you made new close friends after age 45

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to find a regular activity that you do consistently. There’s a study that shows adults need about 130 hours (something around there) together to become close friends.
If you go to a meetup just once or twice it’s unlikely anything will pan out.
But if you go to the same group every week and see some of the same people, over time they can become friends.
I hear your pain as I struggle with the same since kids are older and personal life changes among friends have led to previous friend groups scattering.

This makes sense to me. I'm on the introverted side and have become very close friends with a woman in my neighborhood. But it took several years of spending time together (we share a hobby) until we opened up to each other on deeper level. We can now tell each other anything.

I also made some close friends through work, again due to the necessary repeated interaction.

What's hard for me is when I meet someone in another setting with whom I'd like to become friends. I don't really know how to go about it. It has only worked for me in an organic sense when I'm around someone for a long time. I feel that once someone really gets to know me, they like me. But I don't know how to make it happen otherwise. So I get you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the Steve/Sally story. DCUM posts don't usually improve my mood but that one did.

Agree! That was lovely.

[Anonymous]

I would not discount friendships with people who are different ages/stages in life. One of the close friends I've made in adulthood is 16 years younger. When we met, she had a baby, and my youngest was in 6th grade. But we hit it off at work, and she's come to be a great friend.

[Anonymous]

I got divorced when I was 45, and I’ve made a lot of new friends — some of them very lovely!

One was a total chance meeting. I was hanging out with a book outside and someone I’d never met from my work walked by. We started chatting and I later met his wife, who I started to see alone. We’re all three very good friends now and hang out to have meals every other week or so.

Three people I met through a new hobby. I attended some trainings for it and we clicked, so we started hanging out and then recently we did a girls trip together that was a lot of fun. They are all at my stage of life and amazing women.

Related to this activity I’ve made several other girlfriends of varying closeness.

I started a new program at work and have made some friends through that — they’re more like friend/colleagues but I think some of us will hang out after this is over. All very interesting and nice people.

Another group of colleagues started a regular drinks outing/ group chat and we are becoming actual friends beyond work, so that’s been fun. One in particular is someone who I have a lot in common with.

My divorce was absolutely terrible. I didn’t expect this but a lot of local mom friends and friends from other stages of my life were incredibly supportive, and we’ve now become very close friends — the kind who can share non superficial conversations about real life problems. I’ve also had more time to travel to see old friends or do trips with them, ironically because of the divorce, for the first time in years and years.

TLDR; investing time in activities and special experiences leads to new friends and stronger relationships with old ones. It’s hard but many people are coming out of the super busy stage with young kids etc so that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's a newer suggestion- I have done several TimeLeft dinners and all have been great experiences, 1 led to a really good friendship.

Basically you sign up for a dinner with 5 stranger on their website and you get the details of the reservation. I think I've gone 4 times and across the board have met normal, interesting people. You take a personality quiz and get grouped that way. Most people were in a few camps- moved here for work and looking for friends, recently had a career milestone and had more time to breathe after being head down working for years, or in some sort of transitional phase like starting their own company and are feeling the loss of coworkers. All the dinners included a great mix of interesting conversations with educated, kind, open people. You all start off on the right foot all being in the same situation walking up to a dinner table of strangers and the conversation flows right away. Highly recommend!

Adding that the friendship I made has been a year long now and she's someone I probably wouldn't have connected with irl just because we have pretty different careers, she doesn't have kids, we live different lifestyles (me suburbia mom, her fancy high rise building), but we both had similar childhoods and love working out, plants, cooking, treasure hunting at vintage shops, nice coffee. We've done dinners, long walks with coffee, shopping, a concert, and we text at least weekly.

I've read this novel...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 48. I don't have time for friends. I barely see the friends I have. Truly, I am too busy. This is probably most working women with children.

I'm 46, work full time, and have two middle schoolers. We see our friends multiple times a week. Of course people have stuff like sports or work events but we have watched football together every weekend for the last several weeks and we often have a group dinner once a week at someone's house. Some activities involve kids, some don't. I understand being busy, but it's often a matter of what you prioritize. We love hanging out with our friends on the weekends and playing pickleball during the week when we can (our kids play time-consuming sport but we don't always take them).

[Anonymous]

The last 2 years I’ve met a ton of friends through volunteering/activism. It’s nice to connect with people who share the same passions for helping others. I do know some people who tried “bumble bff” and liked it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 48. I don't have time for friends. I barely see the friends I have. Truly, I am too busy. This is probably most working women with children.

I'm 46, work full time, and have two middle schoolers. We see our friends multiple times a week. Of course people have stuff like sports or work events but we have watched football together every weekend for the last several weeks and we often have a group dinner once a week at someone's house. Some activities involve kids, some don't. I understand being busy, but it's often a matter of what you prioritize. We love hanging out with our friends on the weekends and playing pickleball during the week when we can (our kids play time-consuming sport but we don't always take them).

Are you overweight? Do your kids not do activities?

I don’t understand how a 46 year old with two kids has time to commute, work a full time job, be present for her spouse, workout daily and socialize multiple times a week. Oh and the kid activities. This doesn’t add up.

I’m privileged in that my role is hybrid and I can fit in workouts 3x a week during lunch. Also have a husband who does his fair share. I have weekly cleaners. Still struggle to find time to socialize. After working 8+ hours, working out, getting dinner on the table, driving kids to activities I’m exhausted.

[Anonymous]

After school I used to take my kid to play at the local park, and I met 5 friends just by doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 48. I don't have time for friends. I barely see the friends I have. Truly, I am too busy. This is probably most working women with children.

I'm 46, work full time, and have two middle schoolers. We see our friends multiple times a week. Of course people have stuff like sports or work events but we have watched football together every weekend for the last several weeks and we often have a group dinner once a week at someone's house. Some activities involve kids, some don't. I understand being busy, but it's often a matter of what you prioritize. We love hanging out with our friends on the weekends and playing pickleball during the week when we can (our kids play time-consuming sport but we don't always take them).

Are you overweight? Do your kids not do activities?

I don’t understand how a 46 year old with two kids has time to commute, work a full time job, be present for her spouse, workout daily and socialize multiple times a week. Oh and the kid activities. This doesn’t add up.

I’m privileged in that my role is hybrid and I can fit in workouts 3x a week during lunch. Also have a husband who does his fair share. I have weekly cleaners. Still struggle to find time to socialize. After working 8+ hours, working out, getting dinner on the table, driving kids to activities I’m exhausted.

NP. My kids do activities, but not everyday. If you don’t have time to socialize, cut down on the activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 48. I don't have time for friends. I barely see the friends I have. Truly, I am too busy. This is probably most working women with children.

I'm 46, work full time, and have two middle schoolers. We see our friends multiple times a week. Of course people have stuff like sports or work events but we have watched football together every weekend for the last several weeks and we often have a group dinner once a week at someone's house. Some activities involve kids, some don't. I understand being busy, but it's often a matter of what you prioritize. We love hanging out with our friends on the weekends and playing pickleball during the week when we can (our kids play time-consuming sport but we don't always take them).

Are you overweight? Do your kids not do activities?

I don’t understand how a 46 year old with two kids has time to commute, work a full time job, be present for her spouse, workout daily and socialize multiple times a week. Oh and the kid activities. This doesn’t add up.

I’m privileged in that my role is hybrid and I can fit in workouts 3x a week during lunch. Also have a husband who does his fair share. I have weekly cleaners. Still struggle to find time to socialize. After working 8+ hours, working out, getting dinner on the table, driving kids to activities I’m exhausted.

What is the point of driving yourself to exhaustion? What kind of example are you setting for your kids?

[Anonymous]

I’d like to know why people work out during lunch. When are you eating lunch? Are you just swallowing all your food instead of chewing? Stuffing your face while staring at a screen? Skipping meals 3x a week? No wonder people have weight issues in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to know why people work out during lunch. When are you eating lunch? Are you just swallowing all your food instead of chewing? Stuffing your face while staring at a screen? Skipping meals 3x a week? No wonder people have weight issues in the US.

How judgmental. I typically eat an early lunch around 10:30 AM and spend around 15 minutes eating while responding to emails.

I have a 19 BMI. I prefer to spend time with my kids before and after work and not take time from them to exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 48. I don't have time for friends. I barely see the friends I have. Truly, I am too busy. This is probably most working women with children.

I'm 46, work full time, and have two middle schoolers. We see our friends multiple times a week. Of course people have stuff like sports or work events but we have watched football together every weekend for the last several weeks and we often have a group dinner once a week at someone's house. Some activities involve kids, some don't. I understand being busy, but it's often a matter of what you prioritize. We love hanging out with our friends on the weekends and playing pickleball during the week when we can (our kids play time-consuming sport but we don't always take them).

Are you overweight? Do your kids not do activities?

I don’t understand how a 46 year old with two kids has time to commute, work a full time job, be present for her spouse, workout daily and socialize multiple times a week. Oh and the kid activities. This doesn’t add up.

I’m privileged in that my role is hybrid and I can fit in workouts 3x a week during lunch. Also have a husband who does his fair share. I have weekly cleaners. Still struggle to find time to socialize. After working 8+ hours, working out, getting dinner on the table, driving kids to activities I’m exhausted.

What is the point of driving yourself to exhaustion? What kind of example are you setting for your kids?

Help me figure out what to cut out

My job
Commuting for the required office days to use Teams alone in an office

Exercising

One activity per child (3 nights a week of exercising)

Cooking dinner and eating it

Planning stuff like vacations and paying bills

Getting my hair colored so no gray hair

Doctors appointments


Really I’d love to slow down but don’t have any ideas of what to cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pickleball

For the 50+ old single lady crowd